What do people do on the anniversary of the loss of a loved one

In three days time it will be the anniversary of steve's death, I want to do something special to remember him but not sure what to do, Any suggestions would be greatly recieved, How have you dealt with anniverseries? Lots of love. Babs

Views: 8575

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Babs -

My husband was cremated, so on special days, and even on not so special days, I spread some of his ashes.  for example, on his birthday, I went up a trail we used to hike on, and left some of his ashes there.  If your loved one was buried, going to the gravesite and planting something, like flowers if you're allowed to (it seems nowadays they don't want people doing that...) but some kind of ritual you create may help.  Maybe if you have a shrine or an alter, burning a candle or something like that.  If you're religious and have a church or synagog, going and saying a special prayer... create something that has meaning for you, that also would have meant something to your loved one.  Did he have a favorite color, or a favorite saying or poem you can read to him?  Placing stones on the grave is also a ritual; planting a rose bush in your yard in his honor... when you decide what to do, please let us know!  

My Grandma died in December 2010 so her anniversary is still a few months away, but for her birthday the family met at the grave site and we blew up balloons and wrote something special on them and let them go.  One of our plans for her 1st year anniversary is to put a picture of her along with a poem in the local newspaper.

 

Hope it helps

Around last Christmas I drew this in memory of my Dad, since I live too far away to visit his gravesite: click here

 

I tend to get really depressed on and around his birthday and death anniversary (which are approximately a week away from each other - the whole month of March is pretty bad for me). However, since I can't call him I try to get in contact with my closer family members - so you can do that if you have anyone close you feel comfortable calling. Everyone else had great suggestions, though. Just some sort of tradition or ritual you can feel good about doing in honor of your loved one. I have found it hard to do, but it does feel good to celebrate their life.

 

Good luck, Babs.

My friend Tyler died August 4, 2009 to the "choking game." This year on his angel day we sent off balloons with choking game awareness letters. Last year, his mother and sister, my sisters, my mother, and I were at the beach on his angel day, so we did a "message in a bottle" thing. We also walked up and down the boardwalk and told people about the choking game.

If Steve's death was caused by something that could eventually be stopped, maybe you could do something special to raise awareness.

God bless.

Thank you so much for your replies, anniverseries are such difficult times, Nothing quite seems to do him or the day justice. One thing that is very hard is that I have no one to share it with as I know nobody who knew him, I do write poetry so can maybe read him some, I am sure he would love to hear them, he always encouraged my creativity. He died of a stroke caused by high blood pressure at 42 years old. He was a volunteer for the samaritans (a charity operating a 24/7 phone line for people in severe distress) in case you don't have them in the US. At christmas I asked for donations to the samaritans instead of cards which I think I will do every year, May go down to the samaritans office and see if I can donate a plant to them or something in his honour. Am also going to order a red rose bush called "thinking of you" to plant in my garden and make hearts out of the petals next year. Steve's birthday is also just a couple of weeks apart from the anniversary of his death. Thank you all once again for writing it helped me to think. Lots of love. Babs
Today marks 3mos anniversary of my grandma's death. I went to the coffee house and had a mocha in her honor. I am not sure what I will do as time goes on but for now that helped me. I also went to the local grave yard because my Grandma is buried in CA and I am in TN so I decided to go to my father in laws grave and say a prayer while standing near his grave. Told my father in law that I was doing that because grandma is out of state. I said a nice prayer to grandma and told her how much I miss her and that I love her very much and that life has been so hard for me since she left. I cried and just let it out.

I don't intend to challenge anyone's personal belief system, but Adriene, I believe that even tho your grandma's body is buried in another state, her spirit or soul is still with you; I believe that she knows when you need her and she is there for you, so talk to her. Maybe it would help to put up a picture of her and make a little alter, or shrine, in your home; light a candle, or put a fresh flower in a vase for her.  Something of that nature.  

Just my thoughts.

 

Cynthia, I already have many pictures on the wall in my home and have a grandma memorial. I just needed to go to a grave and my father in law is buried here. so I thought it was a creative idea and it helped me a lot. sorry if it offended you. but it really helped me doing what I did.

I'm sorry; I wasn't at all offended!  I hope I didn't offend you!  I think that we each need to do whatever works best for you.  Going to your father in laws gravesite was a very good, creative way to take care what you needed!  Please forgive my not being very clear!

 

RSS

Latest Activity

Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Charlie. I think it would be good to take those baby steps but only if you think you can. Maybe just pick one and like you said you don't have to continue if you don't feel comfortable after the first try. Maybe the Uber one - less contact…"
7 hours ago
stewart p commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Charlie, wow youve hit the nail on the head so to speak where Im at only it me a couple of years longer.  Really tough to do, I want to try things out and many times right up until the moment its time to begin than suddenly I drop out. …"
7 hours ago
Chum commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Charlie, this is how I felt throughout this past year. Much prefer being home doing my own thing just surfing the Internet or vegging out. I'm not pushing myself and have no one to push me or make suggests about my state of mind. It's…"
10 hours ago
Charlie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm wondering if any of you have experienced what I'm going through. My beautiful Dreamgirl took flight on March 21 of this year.  Since then, like most of you, I'm devastated, destroyed, lost, alone, etc., paralyzed, anxious and…"
15 hours ago
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Denise my thoughts are with you with your struggles. I understand your feeling disconnected ... Like everything is unplugged and "alone". That will be nice I think living with your daughter - would be less lonely I would think. Hugs to you"
15 hours ago
Liz left a comment for Jen G
"Hi Jen, wondering how you were doing.  I've had a rough few days, was my birthday and felt very sad and missed him so much "
19 hours ago
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Mary,I am in the middle of a war between my youngest daughter and my oldest daughter.They can't stay in the same room together.That is making the grieveing process even harder.Some one to talk to keeps me from exploding.I wish it was…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg replied to Deborah Bailey's discussion Can any one help in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Deborah, I lost my wonderful husband to colon cancer 3 years ago. I still miss him terribly but the grief is not as bad. My brokenheart will never mend. I still a shrink to help me get through life without him. The house was so empty without…"
yesterday
Robin commented on Stephanie Dennocenzo's blog post Remembering hurts
"I know how you feel up until one week ago all I had was pictures I keep saying if we only had the voice well we do my daughter found a voice message on an old phone it brought tears to my eyes and it really didn't make me happy because the only…"
yesterday
Robin commented on CindyA's blog post Where is my peace
"I could not imagine lossing so many people I lost my soulmate and I feel like my life is over, I think we all are looking for peace. To be able to not feel so empty,lost and alone I hope that peace finds you"
yesterday
Robin commented on Denise's blog post Today is not a good one
"I know how you feel and understand my Kevin has been gone for six weeks today and everyday seems harder not easier. I have just learned to live with the fog my husband was cremated I have a necklace with his ashes around my neck, we did have a…"
yesterday
Mary commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Denise. We are here for you. I too don't like the word widow. I still feel like a wife but who has lost her husband. Was curious about how you feel about going to see a councillor- do you feel it helps a little. It's been 9 weeks since…"
yesterday
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Today has been very hard.I went to my second counciling session  .I have not thought of myself in so long I don't know who I am. I am a widow now which I don't like.I am a mother, a grandmother, and a great-grandmother titles that…"
yesterday
Mary commented on Mary's blog post Heartbroken
"Hi Val. I live in Canada in British Columbia. It is so hard missing our husbands. It is hard to explain how we feel but you and others (Robin) share it's exactly how you feel. Yes I believe too Robin, that children's grief is different.…"
yesterday
Matthew Davenport replied to Matthew Davenport's discussion Lost My Beloved Wife On June 11th
"I am grateful to know there are others, but also saddened that so many have passed through these same awful gates into the world of grief. I send my sympathies as well. "
yesterday
Matthew Davenport replied to Matthew Davenport's discussion Lost My Beloved Wife On June 11th
"I thank you for the sympathy and thoughts. We are trying desperately to pick up the pieces she left behind and rebuild our family."
yesterday
Robin posted a blog post

Don't want this any more

I don't want this pain anymore, I feel like I can't breath without him yet I do, I don't want to face another yet I drag myself out of bed,I don't want anymore memories because he won't be apart of them anymore. I feel so empty I have tried more tears than I thought possible, I did not deserve him yet I was blessed to have him for 26 years he was my world and now he's gone I feel like nothing matters I don't want this anymore.
yesterday
Robin replied to Matthew Davenport's discussion Lost My Beloved Wife On June 11th
"Let me tell you I feel and understand your pain it has been six weeks today I lost my husband of 26 years and it hurts beyond words I don't know how to even tell you how to cope for me it is day by day I just want you to know your pain is felt"
yesterday
Robin commented on Mary's blog post Heartbroken
"I know exactly how you feel today is my six week mark and it hurts more now because the loneliness has set in I miss my Kevin so much it hurts so much, we have seven children but their grief is different my life stopped the day he passed.I feel your…"
yesterday
Alin Tooby commented on Denise's blog post Neutral
"Hello Denise,   I hope this message finds you well. I am very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I pray you may find comfort and peace. I found your post to be a bit ironic as I just went and picked up my mothers death certificate three…"
yesterday

© 2016   Created by Diana Y.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service