What do people do on the anniversary of the loss of a loved one

In three days time it will be the anniversary of steve's death, I want to do something special to remember him but not sure what to do, Any suggestions would be greatly recieved, How have you dealt with anniverseries? Lots of love. Babs

Views: 10450

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Babs -

My husband was cremated, so on special days, and even on not so special days, I spread some of his ashes.  for example, on his birthday, I went up a trail we used to hike on, and left some of his ashes there.  If your loved one was buried, going to the gravesite and planting something, like flowers if you're allowed to (it seems nowadays they don't want people doing that...) but some kind of ritual you create may help.  Maybe if you have a shrine or an alter, burning a candle or something like that.  If you're religious and have a church or synagog, going and saying a special prayer... create something that has meaning for you, that also would have meant something to your loved one.  Did he have a favorite color, or a favorite saying or poem you can read to him?  Placing stones on the grave is also a ritual; planting a rose bush in your yard in his honor... when you decide what to do, please let us know!  

My Grandma died in December 2010 so her anniversary is still a few months away, but for her birthday the family met at the grave site and we blew up balloons and wrote something special on them and let them go.  One of our plans for her 1st year anniversary is to put a picture of her along with a poem in the local newspaper.

 

Hope it helps

Around last Christmas I drew this in memory of my Dad, since I live too far away to visit his gravesite: click here

 

I tend to get really depressed on and around his birthday and death anniversary (which are approximately a week away from each other - the whole month of March is pretty bad for me). However, since I can't call him I try to get in contact with my closer family members - so you can do that if you have anyone close you feel comfortable calling. Everyone else had great suggestions, though. Just some sort of tradition or ritual you can feel good about doing in honor of your loved one. I have found it hard to do, but it does feel good to celebrate their life.

 

Good luck, Babs.

My friend Tyler died August 4, 2009 to the "choking game." This year on his angel day we sent off balloons with choking game awareness letters. Last year, his mother and sister, my sisters, my mother, and I were at the beach on his angel day, so we did a "message in a bottle" thing. We also walked up and down the boardwalk and told people about the choking game.

If Steve's death was caused by something that could eventually be stopped, maybe you could do something special to raise awareness.

God bless.

Thank you so much for your replies, anniverseries are such difficult times, Nothing quite seems to do him or the day justice. One thing that is very hard is that I have no one to share it with as I know nobody who knew him, I do write poetry so can maybe read him some, I am sure he would love to hear them, he always encouraged my creativity. He died of a stroke caused by high blood pressure at 42 years old. He was a volunteer for the samaritans (a charity operating a 24/7 phone line for people in severe distress) in case you don't have them in the US. At christmas I asked for donations to the samaritans instead of cards which I think I will do every year, May go down to the samaritans office and see if I can donate a plant to them or something in his honour. Am also going to order a red rose bush called "thinking of you" to plant in my garden and make hearts out of the petals next year. Steve's birthday is also just a couple of weeks apart from the anniversary of his death. Thank you all once again for writing it helped me to think. Lots of love. Babs
Today marks 3mos anniversary of my grandma's death. I went to the coffee house and had a mocha in her honor. I am not sure what I will do as time goes on but for now that helped me. I also went to the local grave yard because my Grandma is buried in CA and I am in TN so I decided to go to my father in laws grave and say a prayer while standing near his grave. Told my father in law that I was doing that because grandma is out of state. I said a nice prayer to grandma and told her how much I miss her and that I love her very much and that life has been so hard for me since she left. I cried and just let it out.

I don't intend to challenge anyone's personal belief system, but Adriene, I believe that even tho your grandma's body is buried in another state, her spirit or soul is still with you; I believe that she knows when you need her and she is there for you, so talk to her. Maybe it would help to put up a picture of her and make a little alter, or shrine, in your home; light a candle, or put a fresh flower in a vase for her.  Something of that nature.  

Just my thoughts.

 

Cynthia, I already have many pictures on the wall in my home and have a grandma memorial. I just needed to go to a grave and my father in law is buried here. so I thought it was a creative idea and it helped me a lot. sorry if it offended you. but it really helped me doing what I did.

I'm sorry; I wasn't at all offended!  I hope I didn't offend you!  I think that we each need to do whatever works best for you.  Going to your father in laws gravesite was a very good, creative way to take care what you needed!  Please forgive my not being very clear!

 

RSS

Latest Activity

KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Yes, that is exactly how I feel."
10 minutes ago
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Went to the 2nd session of support group.  Grief is grief and hurts no matter what the loss.  It hurts, you feel alone.  I have learned one thing from group is we are not alone. There are 2 different groups those that are…"
10 minutes ago
Jean replied to Darlene's discussion My grief has made me feel numb from the neck down, has anyone else felt this?
"I had that feeling when my nephew called me and told me his brother had killed himself one year after my brother (their father) died. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before. From the top of my head all the way to my feet just a rush of ?…"
9 hours ago
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, ladies, I just found some thought that actually explains how I feel now: Sounds familiar? Grieving and trying to be nice, crying and smiling to look nice next minute... It is a great movie anyway - watch when you can."
yesterday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you, Jackie. Those horrible panic attacks just visit us often. Suddenly the whole world is turning black and no oxygen anymore. Jackie, I accept you as acting Steve - I hope he does not mind - and I really appreciate your support - I know you…"
yesterday
AnneJ replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi, Kim. Please don't feel sorry about discussing different topics; it's how our minds work and your words are a comfort to so many. Just knowing someone feels the same, hurts the same, has the same inner voice... the empty bed, the…"
yesterday
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I try not come on here in the early morning as I start work early so I can go home early.  That was my routine.  We would get up in the morning, have a cup of coffee and I would go off to work.  I looked forward to going home a little…"
yesterday
Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Nora, you are a beautiful women with a beautiful heart. Steve loved you very much but remember you were a success before you met him and not because of him. We need to give ourselves time to grieve it's only been 3 months, who knows if we will…"
Tuesday
Nora posted a status
"Hi, Pumpkin! 3 months without you today. Started looking for a job. I know you are proud of me now. But it is so hard without you. Love""
Tuesday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Ladies, I just had one more pain caused by simple actions that I even did not pay attention to before. Well, I sat to start looking for a job. It was already hard as I have a "meeting people & leaving the house" anxiety. Also, it…"
Tuesday
Jennifer B posted a photo
Tuesday
Lost with out him replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I too feel exactly as everyone here has discribed it. Four months in.. Lost the love of my life. I feeling like the walking dead.. I function because I am expected to. I go to work because I haven't any choice. I have to sell my house.( for…"
Tuesday
Bethany posted a blog post

One down...

Having a glass of wine for my mom tonight and trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's been gone for a year. A whole year. A year without daily emails just so I'd wake up to an email every morning. A year without daily Skype chats just to catch up even though nothing much ever changed. A year without an e-card for every random holiday. A year without hearing about the dumb things my dad was or wasn't doing. A year without my best friend. A year without my mom.See More
Monday
gregory harvey posted a blog post

National TV show wants to help unsolved cold cases

I am the producer of a nationally televised crime docu-series. I am currently developing a new series focusing on unsolved cold cases, where the perpetrator is known but remains uncharged, many times because they are already in prison for life for another crime. That should not deter anyone else from getting justice. We will bring in outside, independent cold case detectives to rework cases to see if we can help. The series will underscore the hope, strength and tenacity of the families and…See More
Monday
morgan replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I really hate to reply to this thread as I am four years and almost five months into the loss of the love of my life and I can hardly stand the roller coaster I am on.  I am careening off the tracks "again" and I come here to reassure…"
Monday
KIM Montgomery replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you all for the kind support here.  It does help.  I too feel lost at time.  This morning I was up at 3:30 watching TV; my alarm goes off at 4:45, no sense in trying to go back to sleep.  Like some one else said on here, my…"
Monday
Jackie cooke replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Kim, your not alone, as Nora's says every word you say matches how I feel. I have lost my best friend, soul mate, partner, my lover. Now I'm alone with my dog and cat. OVer 70 people and the funeral but none of them ring or call. People…"
Monday
Nora replied to KIM Montgomery's discussion Missing my Best Friend in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kim, If I could I would just copy each word of yours and paste it here. I am exactly in the same boat. I know how you fell and what is going on with you. I will have 3 months tomorrow and today is 13 weeks since my Steve just gone, disappeared into…"
Monday
KIM Montgomery added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
Thumbnail

Missing my Best Friend

Again, I am missing my best friend tomorrow will be 7 weeks.  I went back to work last week and it helped some.   Getting into a routine helped.  The issue I have is when I get home he is not there.  That was our time together. Yesterday being father's day the adult kids were lost as was I. My son lives close by and my daughter is 300 miles away.  I was alone without the kids, just my 2 little dogs.  I am so thankful for them.They say go back to work it will help, they say it has been 6 weeks…See More
Monday
Mike H. posted a blog post

Mourning by Definition

MourningThe outward expression of grief over a death or some other calamity. In Bible times, it was customary to mourn for a period of time. In addition to weeping loudly, mourners wore special clothes, put ashes on their head, ripped their garments, and beat their chest. Professional mourners were sometimes invited to funerals.—Ge 23:2;…See More
Monday

© 2017   Created by Diana, Grief Counselor.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service