Don't grieve alone
My husband was cremated, so on special days, and even on not so special days, I spread some of his ashes. for example, on his birthday, I went up a trail we used to hike on, and left some of his ashes there. If your loved one was buried, going to the gravesite and planting something, like flowers if you're allowed to (it seems nowadays they don't want people doing that...) but some kind of ritual you create may help. Maybe if you have a shrine or an alter, burning a candle or something like that. If you're religious and have a church or synagog, going and saying a special prayer... create something that has meaning for you, that also would have meant something to your loved one. Did he have a favorite color, or a favorite saying or poem you can read to him? Placing stones on the grave is also a ritual; planting a rose bush in your yard in his honor... when you decide what to do, please let us know!
My Grandma died in December 2010 so her anniversary is still a few months away, but for her birthday the family met at the grave site and we blew up balloons and wrote something special on them and let them go. One of our plans for her 1st year anniversary is to put a picture of her along with a poem in the local newspaper.
Hope it helps
Around last Christmas I drew this in memory of my Dad, since I live too far away to visit his gravesite: click here
I tend to get really depressed on and around his birthday and death anniversary (which are approximately a week away from each other - the whole month of March is pretty bad for me). However, since I can't call him I try to get in contact with my closer family members - so you can do that if you have anyone close you feel comfortable calling. Everyone else had great suggestions, though. Just some sort of tradition or ritual you can feel good about doing in honor of your loved one. I have found it hard to do, but it does feel good to celebrate their life.
Good luck, Babs.
My friend Tyler died August 4, 2009 to the "choking game." This year on his angel day we sent off balloons with choking game awareness letters. Last year, his mother and sister, my sisters, my mother, and I were at the beach on his angel day, so we did a "message in a bottle" thing. We also walked up and down the boardwalk and told people about the choking game.
If Steve's death was caused by something that could eventually be stopped, maybe you could do something special to raise awareness.
I don't intend to challenge anyone's personal belief system, but Adriene, I believe that even tho your grandma's body is buried in another state, her spirit or soul is still with you; I believe that she knows when you need her and she is there for you, so talk to her. Maybe it would help to put up a picture of her and make a little alter, or shrine, in your home; light a candle, or put a fresh flower in a vase for her. Something of that nature.
Just my thoughts.
I'm sorry; I wasn't at all offended! I hope I didn't offend you! I think that we each need to do whatever works best for you. Going to your father in laws gravesite was a very good, creative way to take care what you needed! Please forgive my not being very clear!