What do people do on the anniversary of the loss of a loved one

In three days time it will be the anniversary of steve's death, I want to do something special to remember him but not sure what to do, Any suggestions would be greatly recieved, How have you dealt with anniverseries? Lots of love. Babs

Views: 5628

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Babs -

My husband was cremated, so on special days, and even on not so special days, I spread some of his ashes.  for example, on his birthday, I went up a trail we used to hike on, and left some of his ashes there.  If your loved one was buried, going to the gravesite and planting something, like flowers if you're allowed to (it seems nowadays they don't want people doing that...) but some kind of ritual you create may help.  Maybe if you have a shrine or an alter, burning a candle or something like that.  If you're religious and have a church or synagog, going and saying a special prayer... create something that has meaning for you, that also would have meant something to your loved one.  Did he have a favorite color, or a favorite saying or poem you can read to him?  Placing stones on the grave is also a ritual; planting a rose bush in your yard in his honor... when you decide what to do, please let us know!  

My Grandma died in December 2010 so her anniversary is still a few months away, but for her birthday the family met at the grave site and we blew up balloons and wrote something special on them and let them go.  One of our plans for her 1st year anniversary is to put a picture of her along with a poem in the local newspaper.

 

Hope it helps

Around last Christmas I drew this in memory of my Dad, since I live too far away to visit his gravesite: click here

 

I tend to get really depressed on and around his birthday and death anniversary (which are approximately a week away from each other - the whole month of March is pretty bad for me). However, since I can't call him I try to get in contact with my closer family members - so you can do that if you have anyone close you feel comfortable calling. Everyone else had great suggestions, though. Just some sort of tradition or ritual you can feel good about doing in honor of your loved one. I have found it hard to do, but it does feel good to celebrate their life.

 

Good luck, Babs.

My friend Tyler died August 4, 2009 to the "choking game." This year on his angel day we sent off balloons with choking game awareness letters. Last year, his mother and sister, my sisters, my mother, and I were at the beach on his angel day, so we did a "message in a bottle" thing. We also walked up and down the boardwalk and told people about the choking game.

If Steve's death was caused by something that could eventually be stopped, maybe you could do something special to raise awareness.

God bless.

Thank you so much for your replies, anniverseries are such difficult times, Nothing quite seems to do him or the day justice. One thing that is very hard is that I have no one to share it with as I know nobody who knew him, I do write poetry so can maybe read him some, I am sure he would love to hear them, he always encouraged my creativity. He died of a stroke caused by high blood pressure at 42 years old. He was a volunteer for the samaritans (a charity operating a 24/7 phone line for people in severe distress) in case you don't have them in the US. At christmas I asked for donations to the samaritans instead of cards which I think I will do every year, May go down to the samaritans office and see if I can donate a plant to them or something in his honour. Am also going to order a red rose bush called "thinking of you" to plant in my garden and make hearts out of the petals next year. Steve's birthday is also just a couple of weeks apart from the anniversary of his death. Thank you all once again for writing it helped me to think. Lots of love. Babs
Today marks 3mos anniversary of my grandma's death. I went to the coffee house and had a mocha in her honor. I am not sure what I will do as time goes on but for now that helped me. I also went to the local grave yard because my Grandma is buried in CA and I am in TN so I decided to go to my father in laws grave and say a prayer while standing near his grave. Told my father in law that I was doing that because grandma is out of state. I said a nice prayer to grandma and told her how much I miss her and that I love her very much and that life has been so hard for me since she left. I cried and just let it out.

I don't intend to challenge anyone's personal belief system, but Adriene, I believe that even tho your grandma's body is buried in another state, her spirit or soul is still with you; I believe that she knows when you need her and she is there for you, so talk to her. Maybe it would help to put up a picture of her and make a little alter, or shrine, in your home; light a candle, or put a fresh flower in a vase for her.  Something of that nature.  

Just my thoughts.

 

Cynthia, I already have many pictures on the wall in my home and have a grandma memorial. I just needed to go to a grave and my father in law is buried here. so I thought it was a creative idea and it helped me a lot. sorry if it offended you. but it really helped me doing what I did.

I'm sorry; I wasn't at all offended!  I hope I didn't offend you!  I think that we each need to do whatever works best for you.  Going to your father in laws gravesite was a very good, creative way to take care what you needed!  Please forgive my not being very clear!

 

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

George H commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"just another heart wrenching lonely day don't know what to do seems like it doesn't get easier it seems to get harder and harder darker and darker don't think anyone can ever figure this out"
50 minutes ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you for posting in my thread, Wendi.  I'm sorry for your loss, too. This is literally the most horrible thing that has ever happened in my life. Like you, I wish I had died when my husband died. I have a wonderful family (parents,…"
54 minutes ago
Sheri H posted a blog post

suicide sucks

fortunately this group does not offer help for grieving a suicide. I started to say unfortunately, then realized it's a good thing that you all aren't suffering in this way.  I did find a great book though. A friend gave it to me. It's Grieving a suicide by Albert Y Hsu. It explains the awful emotions you have. Guilt is a big one. I just want to put up this good info in case anyone could use it. Great quote from the book. "Suicide carries in its aftermath a level of confusion and devastation…See More
1 hour ago
Sheri H commented on Courtney Adams's group Suicide....Hard Knowing They did it By Their Choice
"She chose a forever way to deal with her sadness, so she will never know that she could have found another way to deal with her temporary sadness......"
1 hour ago
pushpa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Mom , I am ready to give up every thing for you to be here with me.Can't forget your suffering. Miss you so much."
4 hours ago
kim posted a blog post

holidays

oh god how I hate the holidays, there just to painfull.  shawns birthday is on easter this year, and it will be 15 months since he went away.  my tears will never stop. the pain will never stop. sunday I will let balloons go, I know he will get them, I know he sees my tears. I want to hear his voice to see his smile to hold him tight.  my beautiful son I love you always and forever, and I pray to be with you now. my life is over the emptiness is so painfull. please shawn have a beautifull…See More
4 hours ago
Charlene Taylor commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, it's been alittle over 3 months since my Mom died. Liver Cancer, I was her daytime caretaker along with my Dad. Hospice came some and we had a nighttime Cna. I took care of her for the last 8 months, she had fell earlier and broke her femer…"
5 hours ago
Charlene Taylor joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Thumbnail

Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
5 hours ago
Charlene Taylor joined Karen's group
Thumbnail

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
5 hours ago
Sandy Elaine Norris commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Uncontrollable sadness, unending loneliness"
6 hours ago
Wendi McCallum replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I'm so sorry for your loss.  I have had the same loss...my husband of 22 years died 12 days ago.  And I wish I had gone right along with him.  They say that God can miraculously heal people from illness...but I prayed and prayed…"
9 hours ago
m morgan replied to kathleen akin's discussion Hi. New. Just found out my husband has liver cancer
"Kathleen, I lost my husband to stage four cancer and from diagnosis to death he lasted 26 days.  I was told he might have 5-9 months.  I don't know what to tell you I can only relate what happened to me. I was so busy helping my…"
10 hours ago
m morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Tildyc, You asked earlier about belief and is there an afterlife?  Like George I was brought up Catholic but about 12 I realized it was not my cup of tea.  I needed answers not hanging my hat on some supernatural story that no one…"
11 hours ago
Tildyc left a comment for Sandy Elaine Norris
"Sandy- I too feel empty. I'm exhausted but I cannot sleep. But I have to get up at 4 AM in the morning to do my job. I'm stuck in this nightmare that I cannot escape. Every morning when I wake up I remember what he used to say to me…"
12 hours ago
Sandy Elaine Norris commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I am empty!!!"
14 hours ago
Dianne Morrow left a comment for Tildyc
"I so get that. I have no clue what to do with his unfinished projects and piles of things everywhere...and his tools and and and........I am overwhelmed."
15 hours ago
Tildyc left a comment for Dianne Morrow
"Hi Dianne I understand about the unfinished projects. His four wheeler's carburetor is still in pieces on the front porch. The skiff still sits in the driveway because he was going to bring it over to his son later. My freezer is full of moose…"
15 hours ago
Tildyc commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Just got back from a dog walk. Here in Southeast Alaska its a rain forest. Just not tropical. Anyways it was pouring-pouring- pouring rain out side when we walked. And on this walk I was thinking... during a walk that it rained like this, either…"
15 hours ago
Ashley updated their profile
15 hours ago
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That's it exactly, Tildyc.  It has to be a mistake.  How can someone be right here with you and then gone.  It makes no sense.  It can't be possible."
16 hours ago

© 2015   Created by Diana Y.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service