What do people do on the anniversary of the loss of a loved one

In three days time it will be the anniversary of steve's death, I want to do something special to remember him but not sure what to do, Any suggestions would be greatly recieved, How have you dealt with anniverseries? Lots of love. Babs

Views: 8806

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Babs -

My husband was cremated, so on special days, and even on not so special days, I spread some of his ashes.  for example, on his birthday, I went up a trail we used to hike on, and left some of his ashes there.  If your loved one was buried, going to the gravesite and planting something, like flowers if you're allowed to (it seems nowadays they don't want people doing that...) but some kind of ritual you create may help.  Maybe if you have a shrine or an alter, burning a candle or something like that.  If you're religious and have a church or synagog, going and saying a special prayer... create something that has meaning for you, that also would have meant something to your loved one.  Did he have a favorite color, or a favorite saying or poem you can read to him?  Placing stones on the grave is also a ritual; planting a rose bush in your yard in his honor... when you decide what to do, please let us know!  

My Grandma died in December 2010 so her anniversary is still a few months away, but for her birthday the family met at the grave site and we blew up balloons and wrote something special on them and let them go.  One of our plans for her 1st year anniversary is to put a picture of her along with a poem in the local newspaper.

 

Hope it helps

Around last Christmas I drew this in memory of my Dad, since I live too far away to visit his gravesite: click here

 

I tend to get really depressed on and around his birthday and death anniversary (which are approximately a week away from each other - the whole month of March is pretty bad for me). However, since I can't call him I try to get in contact with my closer family members - so you can do that if you have anyone close you feel comfortable calling. Everyone else had great suggestions, though. Just some sort of tradition or ritual you can feel good about doing in honor of your loved one. I have found it hard to do, but it does feel good to celebrate their life.

 

Good luck, Babs.

My friend Tyler died August 4, 2009 to the "choking game." This year on his angel day we sent off balloons with choking game awareness letters. Last year, his mother and sister, my sisters, my mother, and I were at the beach on his angel day, so we did a "message in a bottle" thing. We also walked up and down the boardwalk and told people about the choking game.

If Steve's death was caused by something that could eventually be stopped, maybe you could do something special to raise awareness.

God bless.

Thank you so much for your replies, anniverseries are such difficult times, Nothing quite seems to do him or the day justice. One thing that is very hard is that I have no one to share it with as I know nobody who knew him, I do write poetry so can maybe read him some, I am sure he would love to hear them, he always encouraged my creativity. He died of a stroke caused by high blood pressure at 42 years old. He was a volunteer for the samaritans (a charity operating a 24/7 phone line for people in severe distress) in case you don't have them in the US. At christmas I asked for donations to the samaritans instead of cards which I think I will do every year, May go down to the samaritans office and see if I can donate a plant to them or something in his honour. Am also going to order a red rose bush called "thinking of you" to plant in my garden and make hearts out of the petals next year. Steve's birthday is also just a couple of weeks apart from the anniversary of his death. Thank you all once again for writing it helped me to think. Lots of love. Babs
Today marks 3mos anniversary of my grandma's death. I went to the coffee house and had a mocha in her honor. I am not sure what I will do as time goes on but for now that helped me. I also went to the local grave yard because my Grandma is buried in CA and I am in TN so I decided to go to my father in laws grave and say a prayer while standing near his grave. Told my father in law that I was doing that because grandma is out of state. I said a nice prayer to grandma and told her how much I miss her and that I love her very much and that life has been so hard for me since she left. I cried and just let it out.

I don't intend to challenge anyone's personal belief system, but Adriene, I believe that even tho your grandma's body is buried in another state, her spirit or soul is still with you; I believe that she knows when you need her and she is there for you, so talk to her. Maybe it would help to put up a picture of her and make a little alter, or shrine, in your home; light a candle, or put a fresh flower in a vase for her.  Something of that nature.  

Just my thoughts.

 

Cynthia, I already have many pictures on the wall in my home and have a grandma memorial. I just needed to go to a grave and my father in law is buried here. so I thought it was a creative idea and it helped me a lot. sorry if it offended you. but it really helped me doing what I did.

I'm sorry; I wasn't at all offended!  I hope I didn't offend you!  I think that we each need to do whatever works best for you.  Going to your father in laws gravesite was a very good, creative way to take care what you needed!  Please forgive my not being very clear!

 

RSS

Latest Activity

Diane left a comment for Diane
"Its been 7 months since my mom died Shes always on my mind missing her. Im still sad at times. I know shes ok shes in heaven."
43 minutes ago
Sue Sedia replied to Sue Sedia's discussion 6 months later, I feel like it just happened.
"I'm sorry you are having a hard time as well."
2 hours ago
Jean Dueno updated their profile
3 hours ago
Dee added a discussion to the group I miss my Mom!
Thumbnail

Lessons in the Aftermath of Mom"s Death

It's been about 15 months since my mom died after battling colon cancer that metastasized and spread quickly.Mom's courage and faith were extraordinary. She seemed to provide us with some final lessons about life and people in the final months of her life.I miss her so much - her optimism, love of family and her persevering spirit.Since her death, my family and I have to deal with some difficult things with my stepfather. He remarried within 8 months of her death and tried to manipulate us into…See More
5 hours ago
Dee joined Karen's group
Thumbnail

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
6 hours ago
Jill E commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"I am a total wreck! Got the box of stuff from my b***ch of a daughter-in-law. Sent me over the edge. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to wrap myself in his clothes-I want to put them away somewhere safe. I see them I cry uncontrollably.…"
14 hours ago
Jesse's Mom commented on Jesse's Mom's group Signs from Our Loved Ones
"Cato, I noticed your comment today. I am not on as much but wanted you to I read your note. I am sorry for the loss of your husband. JO B,, How wonderful you received the gift of a dream. They are treasures indeed."
14 hours ago
Jesse's Mom commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Jill, I don't understand either. Not at all. "
14 hours ago
Jesse's Mom left a comment for Sue Sedia
"Hello Susan, I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I read your story and thought I would give you these links. My sister is disabled, and I helped her get her disability benefits. If you have always been disabled, you may qualify for benefits from…"
15 hours ago
JO B replied to Sue Sedia's discussion 6 months later, I feel like it just happened.
"im so sorry abot yor losss  im disbld pesn 2 i am i no im goan loz my chld hud hom i am wish gt me terfd u cud say its wear iv bean saf sisne i wz a kid but mums demsa getin wors u cud say im terfid of bean pt su wear i dnt no  i dnt ev n…"
20 hours ago
julia bobbitt replied to Ellen Paciella's discussion Anyone else going through the pain of losing a sibing? in the group Losing a sibling
"I love the quote you posted.I feel this way everyday."
23 hours ago
julia bobbitt added a discussion to the group Losing a sibling
Thumbnail

losing my sister

I am happy I found this group.My sister Adele passed away in February of this year.She had lung cancer.She was not a smoker and lived a healthy life.If anyone should live to 100 it should have been her.Unfortunately it turned out to be a mutation in her genes. We did not grow up close to each other due to circumstances beyond our control.Just when we started getting close again she got the news she was dying,She was my only sister and older than me.She held my hand when  we were little and…See More
23 hours ago
julia bobbitt joined Ada Bowie's group
Thumbnail

Losing a sibling

For anyone who's lost a sibling. It's worse than people seem to think it is.
yesterday
Sue Sedia posted a discussion

6 months later, I feel like it just happened.

My Mom passed January 20th. I am physically disabled, I lived with her my whole life. I'm 50. She was my only support. I was just me and her... And our dog.She had no will, so for the next month, I had to  cancel accounts, start new accounts in my name, try to work out getting bills paid, and run to social services looking for help. I was constantly worried about where I'd live. Can someone help me keep my home?!I felt kind of numb at that time a good part of the time. I felt sadness at times…See More
yesterday
pamela winmill replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you hugs back, xxx "
yesterday
Marta left a comment for Mary
"Mary. Thank you for the message. I'm also sorry for your loss."
yesterday
Copper "Charlie" replied to pamela winmill's discussion people's attitudes in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm so sorry about your husband.  People seem to think the thing to say is "your husband would want you to be happy" or "your wife would want you to move on" or "Your spouse would want you to do 'this' or…"
yesterday
Jeniffer Page posted a blog post

Showing Your Support beyond the Funeral for a grieving person

Coping with a death of a loved one doesn’t end with the funeral. Their memories and things they left behind still live with us and it is really hard to stop thinking about them. Whatever we do we always tend to think about them and miss their presence. Helping a grieving person adjust to the new lifestyle without their loved ones can be really appreciated. Your help and service doesn’t end with the funeral but you can still stretch out your love to them as a close friend or family member. Here…See More
Friday
pamela winmill replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"It just keeps getting worse, it's been 110 days today, I am sick to death of people telling me Russ would want me to be happy and get on with life. How the hell would they know what Russ would want he knew I could not live without him and as…"
Thursday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I feel the same way.  I died when my husband died.  For some people it does get better, apparently.  I am not one of those people.  I hope that you are."
Thursday

© 2016   Created by Diana Y.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service