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Don't grieve alone.
The coldness of some people
I finally pushed myself to go to my in-laws for dinner. It would only be them, us and my brother in law and his wife as well as two nephews. Basically small get together. We were the last to arrive. The house is small with a couch, recliner and a computer chair to sit on. We said all our hellos, chatted for a minute in the kitchen, then my daughter and I went out on the patio (it was a gorgeous night) to sit under the blue skys, and birds chirping. I did not want to make anyone inside give up their seat to me since they were there before us. The door was wide open and we were involved, but then my father in law started asking my husband what was wrong with me. I was smiling and chatting with my mother in law about how beautiful it was. Daniel told him I was a little sad with this being my first Thanksgiving without mom. He starts going off saying when his mother died "he got over it". That I should just deal with it, get over it. He said a few other choice things which I will not repeat. Luckily Daniel didn't tell me all this until afterward because I would have left immediately. How cold can someone be? It was so hard for me to just go in the first place and for him to say that. I will never go to their home again. I feel so disrespected and so so angry. They knew my mother too. Have some compassion! He is just a cruel old man. Now I am going to go off and cry until I fall asleep, and then probably cry some more when I wake up. How can people be so cold on a holiday supposed to be filled with love and family.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Karen on -
Tania, I too have suffered many nasty heartless comments - (way too many) betting most on here have. That anger & pain you feel deep inside for those people tends to weigh on you like a 700 lb coat. In a way I feel sorry for people like that - "they just dont get it" They apparently have never loved - the way you love. And in most cases never lost anyone even close to them. And oddly enough they tell them selves they are helping you by giving advise or comparing their loss. My own sister when invited to a memorial ski night for my son (& yes she does ski) answered with she cant she will be preparing food for her daughters bridal shower 2 days later - & that she hopes we all go to that. I am to be excited for her daughter when she cant even memorialize my son. Some people are just so damn stupid and have not an ounce of compassion let alone empathy. Hugs to you Tania - - - stay strong.
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Permalink Reply by healing07 on -
I think the people must have sympathy with others who have lost their loving one and must say some word of sympathy to ease the pain, grief and sorrow of somebody else whom he/she knows or even not familiar with.
I think we realise and experience same feelings for our losses as other people feel. We are human beings and we must share our grief with others to relax ourselves. As Verses for Sympathy Cards are doing their best to give relief to people during their very time of grief/sorrow/pain/and loss.
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Permalink Reply by Theresa Wheeler on
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Tania:
I know how you feel. The stupid things people say because they don't know what to say. It has been only 8 months since I lost my husband suddenly and my sister has been constantly telling me that life goes on and get over it. She has never felt the love I had with my husband and never will. She can't even comprehend the loss. She actually told me that she believes my husband is turning in his grave because of the bitter woman I have become. Needless to say, we are not speaking anymore.
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Permalink Reply by donna on -
Tania, I agree that was completely rude. It is amazing how many people are so thoughtless. My brother was murdered and the first thing (more than one) asked was, was he in a gang? was it a drug deal? How ridiculous he was a 44 year old man, trying to help my mothers neighbor who was getting beat up by someone. The man then stabbed my brother 7 times, he bled to death waiting over 10 minutes for police. He was not in a gang and he did not use drugs. some people are just ignorant. I am not around any of those people. I surround myself with people who know what I am going through and who knew my brother, so hopefully I can avoid those stupid questions and comments.
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And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.
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