Moriturus

Edna St. Vincent Millay


If I could have
Two things in one:
The peace of the grave,
And the light of the sun;

My hands across
My thin breast-bone,
But aware of the moss
Invading the stone,

Aware of the flight
Of the golden flicker
With his wing to the light;
To hear him nicker

And drum with his bill
On the rotted window;
Snug and still
On a gray pillow

Deep in the clay
Where digging is hard,
Out of the way,–
The blue shard

Of a broken platter–
If I might be
Insensate matter
With sensate me

Sitting within,
Harking and prying,
I might begin
To dicker with dying.

For the body at best
Is a bundle of aches,
Longing for rest;
It cries when it wakes

"Alas, ‘tis light!"
At set of sun
"Alas, ‘tis night,
And nothing done!"

Death, however,
Is a spongy wall,
Is a sticky river,
Is nothing at all.

Summon the weeper,
Wail and sing;
Call him Reaper,
Angel, King;

Call him Evil
Drunk to the lees,
Monster, Devil–
He is less than these.

Call him Thief,
The Maggot in the Cheese,
The Canker in the Leaf–
He is less than these.

Dusk without sound,
Where the spirit by pain
Uncoiled, is wound
To spring again;

The mind enmeshed
Laid straight in repose,
And the body refreshed
By feeding the rose–

These are but visions;
These would be
The grave's derisions,
Could the grave see.

Here is the wish
Of one that died
Like a beached fish
On the ebb of the tide:

That he might wait
Till the tide came back,
To see if a crate,
Or a bottle, or a black

Boot, or an oar,
Or an orange peel
Be washed ashore . . . .
About his heel

The sand slips;
The last he hears
From the world's lips
Is the sand in his ears.

What thing is little?–
The aphis hid
In a house of spittle?
The hinge of the lid

Of the spider's eye
At the spider's birth?
"Greater am I
By the earth's girth

"Than Mighty Death!"
All creatures cry
That can summon breath–
And speak no lie.

For he is nothing;
He is less
Than Echo answering
"Nothingness!"–

Less than the heat
Of the furthest star
To the ripening wheat;
Less by far,

When all the lipping
Is said and sung,
Than the sweat dripping
From a dog's tongue.

This being so,
And I being such,
I would liever go
On a cripple's crutch,

Lopped and felled;
Liever be dependent
On a chair propelled
By a surly attendant

With a foul breath,
And be spooned my food,
Than go with Death
Where nothing good,

Not even the thrust
Of the summer gnat,
Consoles the dust
For being that.

Needy, lonely,
Stitched by pain,
Left with only
The drip of the rain

Out of all I had;
The books of the wise,
Badly read
By other eyes,

Lewdly bawled
At my closing ear;
Hated, called
A lingerer here–

Withstanding Death
Till Life be gone,
I shall treasure my breath,
I shall linger on.

I shall bolt my door
With a bolt and a cable;
I shall block my door
With a bureau and table;

With all my might
My door shall be barred.
I shall put up a fight,
I shall take it hard.

With his hand on my mouth
He shall drag me forth,
Shrieking to the south
And clutching at the north.

Views: 580

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by St. Brigid on March 29, 2020 at 5:36pm

I met my best friend while in MA school for literature. I was a big fan of her as a poet, but never read this one. Her use of rhythm, her play on words, her fantastic interpretation of meaning...this was the stuff of David's and my conversations for  17 years. I have no one left of that world anymore. Thank you so much for sharing; it makes me feel like there's another lit nerd out there who gets how we connected and shares in that passion...it's another connection to David. I needed that today.

Latest Activity

bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Yes, it is much harder for me to concentrate or focus now.  Grief, sadness, anger, despair -- they have all conspired to make it difficult for me to access my intelligence to the same degree as before my husband died.  That is, my…"
22 minutes ago
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, I am glad that you took that the right way.  I had a feeling you would know what I meant.  And your description is correct:  I have a general idea of how you feel but it's impossible for me or anyone else to know…"
1 hour ago
Luna Nightshade replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"I guess I can emphasize with the things you loved to do dying with the one you loved - as if that feeling has been pulled along, stretched thin to behind the veil. You don't have the energy to pursue them anymore, and just having something that…"
6 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Please don't apologize; I'm sorry I didn't respond to your last post in April, I'm not very good about keeping up with things anymore.  I don't feel that I'm moving forward at all, but I can see how that would work…"
11 hours ago
Jeff C replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"You're welcome, Bluebird.  I didn't agree with everything she said.  The key for me was the "moving forward with" part.  The "move on" expression is very grating to me.  When I am in a nice place I…"
12 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Luna, You don't sound insane to me; you are SO lucky that you feel your love with you. I do not. I did a few times, in the month or so right after he died, but not since. I worry that this may be because he doesn't exist, because there is…"
14 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thanks for the ink to that Ted Talk, Jeff.  I just watched it, and I can identify with some of what the speaker said, but not all of it. It's good that her phrase about moving forward with her husband, not moving on without him,…"
14 hours ago
bluebird and Leohija are now friends
14 hours ago

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service