Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.

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Lost Without my Mom 1 Reply

I just lost my mom on February 17th, Ash Wednesday.  I don't know if you could ever be "prepared" but it was kind of unexpected.  She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer the 2nd week of September,…Continue

Started by Amelli Gomez. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 9.

Lost my Mom a Few Days Ago 7 Replies

Hi, I'm new around here. My mother passed away on Saturday February 6th, very suddenly and unexpectedly. We were in touch every day, via text, e-mail and phone calls, and we saw each other every…Continue

Started by Carla Rose. Last reply by Danny Aug 17, 2019.

Also missing my Mom. 9 Replies

I can relate to almost everything I read here.....I lost my Mom on 9/24/2017.  We lived together since 2008.  I became her primary care giver in 2011 after she broke her hip.  She developed Dementia…Continue

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Rhonda Robinson Apr 2, 2018.

Missing my mom 23 Replies

Hi! I'm a new member. My name is Emily. My mom died Dec 27,2012. I had a question for anyone in the group............. Does anyone ever feel torn-part of them wants to be with friends but the other…Continue

Started by Emily. Last reply by Kelli Jan 2, 2018.

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Comment by Danny on August 20, 2015 at 11:31am

feel the pain and yet there is a lot of comfort when i see the handwriting and scraps of paper

Comment by Angela smith on August 20, 2015 at 9:36am

I  cry everyday  since losing my beloved  sweet  mother at 89 2 weeks ago .  I  am so  sad when I  walk into  her home and it's so empty  without  her. I  can  barely  stand to be  there  without  breaking  down .  I  love  and miss  her beyond  comprehension . 

Comment by Danny on August 10, 2015 at 1:32pm

bela the handwriting melts my heart too and i have so many pages lying around.  cry but yet it feels as if its all still there....

Comment by Nancy on August 10, 2015 at 10:09am

My mother died February 15, 2015.  Her 89th birthday was February 2nd.  I am misunderstood in my grief.  I was 65 as of July 16th.  I am therefore considered to be "too old" to miss my mother.  No one grieves for Mother except me.  I am driven into silence. 

Comment by Bela on August 6, 2015 at 4:37pm

So true about holding onto scraps of paper with lists or  memos from Mum but I never see them as silly, they are deeply precious and priceless. Yes the handwriting just melts the heart. I miss my Mum every moment. And its been nearly four months. I love you always Mummy, my angel, my heart xx

Comment by Jenny Renn on July 29, 2015 at 6:20pm

Sorry, I won't take up too much more of your time - Just to say, I hold onto silly things that my Mom had like a scrap of paper that she wrote her shopping list on.  To see her handwriting melts my heart.  You realize that you will never see a birthday or special occasion card from your parent again.  It's heartbreaking.  I do not mean for you prolong your daughter's pain but for me, a book of thoughts from my Mom would be wonderful. 

Anyway Pauline, I wish you much strength and many more years with your loved ones.  Take care x

Comment by Jenny Renn on July 29, 2015 at 6:16pm

Hi Pauline, I have been meaning to send you a message since I first read your note and I am sorry it has taken a while to write.  You message moved me so much.  First, I understand your pain about missing your Mom as mine passed on in January 2014, nearly 5 months after my Dad passed on.  My little boy was just 3 weeks old when he passed.  It has been a rollercoaster of emotions.  As a daughter, I had at the back of my head the fact that my parents were older than my friend's parents.  My Mom was 40 and my Dad 50 when I was born.  Considering all of their health issues they didn't do too badly but that doesn't take away the pain of missing them everyday and feeling the massive void that can never be filled.  I think that I will always feel as you have, that I will always have the urge to call my Mom when something good or bad happens, to ask if she wants me to get her anything from the shops.  My Dad was on dialysis for the last 5 years of his life so there was a lot of hospital and doctors visits, lots of calling consultants and doctors to check that things were in order.  My mother had chronic heart and kidney failure too and so it was the same with her.  I am glad that I was there though to be with them.  I am very fortunate, I am self employed with my husband and we moved to the same town as my parents so I got to see them daily and was able to go to the majority of appointments.  As I daughter, I would say that having her Mother or Father under the same roof is a blessing.  I know that a lot of people would not be able to do that and I understand that but if you are very blessed to be able to get on with your parent the majority of the time (and vice versa) then you have already made your daughter's future feeling of loss a little better as she will think, 'at least I had that time with Mom'.  That is what I would think anyway.  My husbands parents are actually moving in with us (we have moved into a new house and building works are underway) as they are elderly and need some assistance and they do not want to go into a nursing home.  We do not want them to either.  I know that at times it may be trying but it is a gift that my husband gets to spend this time with his parents.  I know that when the time comes, he will appreciate the time he had with them. 

I read once about Mindy Kaling, the actress/comedian, talk about the passing of her Mother.  From the moment she was diagnosed with breast cancer Mindy left the show she was working to be with her Mother.  She said that everyone thought that she would have a couple of years but unfortunately it was aggressive and she lived for another 8 months.  During that time Mindy would sit with her Mom with a notebook and pen and asked her Mom about every question she could possibly think of and wrote down her Mom's advise.  I thought that this was amazing.  My mother passed on quite rapidly and I wish I had asked her more things, written down her recipes for my favourite foods that she used to cook.  Asked her more about her past, her childhood etc.  I wonder, if you haven't done it already, if writing a journal or a book of Mom's memories, keepsakes and advice might be of comfort to her?  Since my parent's passing I have found a few photographs that I did not know existed.  One is of my Mom holding me in a car.  I don't know how old I was, where we were etc., but things like that are so great when you find them.  If you had photographs that you could include with notes about the day, about how you felt and any other memories that you can recollect would be so amazing.  Advice though, you can't beat your Mom's advice.  Even small things like how to budget your shopping properly (maybe a bad example) or anything really, even if it seems trivial.  continued..

Comment by Pauline Bailey-Dawes on July 23, 2015 at 10:59pm

There is nothing more devastating than the loss of your mother , especially for a woman.  I lost my amazing Mother 25 years ago--yes, 25 years ago--and I have never gotten over missing her.  Does it ruin my life or even effect me on a daily basis?  No.  But I still think "Oh, I need to call Mom!" when something good happens; or "Oh, geez--I really need to talk to Mom." when something bad happens.  And then that overwhelming sense of loss hits me and I have to choke back tears.  With time, I have learned to accept these emotions.  But now I am in fear for my daughter.  I have MS and my health is failing.  I am now crippled, with congestive heart failure, and in constant pain.  None of that really matters to me, as long as my daughter's life is good.  She and I are even closer than my Mother and I were, so I am afraid for her when I go.  We lost her Dad last year, and she was devastated;  she and I are closer than they were.  I now share a house with her and her family (husband and 2 precious kids) and we are all very happy together.  We have worked out the kinks and dealt with the little annoyances that can make life miserable; we are a family.  And I am there for my daughter 24/7 and that scares me for the future.  I am terrified that when she loses me, she will fall apart.  So I feel it is the last of my obligations to her as her Mother to find some way to make that future easier for her--and I just don't know how...Is there any way to do that?  Is it even possible?  What do I do? 

Comment by Jayne on July 9, 2015 at 10:13pm

everyday without my mom not physically here is heartbreaking. I try to enjoy everyday , it it so hard. keeping busy helps for a temporary fix so I try and keep as busy as I can.

Comment by Danny on March 3, 2015 at 9:07am

Its tough Tina and as the second year begins, it sort of gets a bit tougher as there is no history of the month in the previous year. Trying to function individually is how I am doing it too.  I stopped feeling bad about people not understanding as they are not grief specialists.


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