It will be five years this year since I lost my husband and my mother a week apart from each other and everything feels still like it was yesterday there has been no easing of pain seems like the days go by and I feel no different so many people have told me time will ease the pain it doesn’t I still cry myself to sleep every night I struggle just to get through a day the only thing that keeps me here is my grandchildren and my children otherwise I would’ve left this world a long time ago The emptiness is unbearable the silence is deafening I miss my husband so much I did not have a great relationship with my mother I found out she lied to me about very important things and she never told me the truth I’ve struggled mourning for her which makes me feel horrible because no matter what she still is my mother so I am still broken I don’t know if it will ever heal I don’t think it’s possible

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Dear Pamela,

I am sorry for your losses its very hard to lose loved ones. Ive lost both my parents in my mid 20's (now 28). Im doing fairly well now. I want to tell you something and i hope it helps 1%..

Realise deeply that you are complete life on its own. Things happened in your life situation but they are not you. You see them as part of you which makes you feel hollow because how can you not? How can you not feel hollow if you see someone being part of you whos not here anymore.. Reality isnt where we want it to be, the gap is painful but its necessary to accept reality and see you are a complete life. What happened in your life situation isn't you. The life of your husband and mother were their lifes and theirs only. If you accept what is, soo much love will come and you will feel full of love instead of hollowness,You can be grateful and feel better for them. Take care Pamela.. hope you find your way.

Thanks for posting this message, Mark.  Though in many ways my circumstances are different from Pamela’s, I too mourn the loss of my husband and my mother, feeling that hollowness, often finding it difficult/pointless to connect with the current reality that surrounds me.   There’s something about what you wrote, especially the phrase “you are a complete life,” that really speaks to me.  Sounds like you have come through something very painful with a lot of strength and compassion —your generosity in sharing your experience is appreciated. 

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