This is my first post....i just was accepted here...and there are tears in my eyes as i write this.  Im struggling and just gonna ramble writing is cathartic to me.  March is NOT a good month, March n September.  Lost mother, father n only sibling in March.....and they were all born within of each other  in September....all  Virgos.  I often wonder why i am still here...

Then i think about it.....i have one daughter and we lost her dad, my hubs of 42 yrs in 2017...she was 25 she is too young to have lost both parents.  I am here for her.   Yet, i dont want her hanging around for her grieving she has moved 2 hrs away to begin her life.  All good.  So i am trying to adjust to being n living alone.  Having to lock the door...when i come home as no one is coming in after me.  Noone to report to to say " Im home "  after taking a long drive/trip.  I have friends , but Covid has dampered the times with them.  I go to work daily as a clinician in a K thru12 school district....that is mostly my contact with people.  Work has been my salvation thru all these losses.

In addition to my family of origin and spouse, ive also lost 3 very close friends...the last being 2021.  

Its just been a lot....and today, im struggling.   It took me to get to late 60's to become famiilar with alcohol.  Sometimes i still smell my husbands matter how often i clean.  When i retire , im moving from the area as even a drive by CVS....the drug store he frequented brings tears.

Thanks for allowing me this access to the group and to blog ~

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