Mom of 5... Nannie to 3... Married...Have sole physical custody of the grandchildren following the sudden death of my daughter.
About my Loss:
My 29-year-old daughter went in to have surgery on May 19th.... Everything went great.... I talked to her at 5:30 pm and she was having some discomfort from surgery but had walked and even told her 3 babies that she would see them tomorrow.... she then told me she was sleepy and was going to lay down... the hospital staff gave her opioids for pain management, and she put on her sleep apnea mask and never woke from that sleep. It was all over her charts that she was under sedation protocol and to avoid opiates due to her severe sleep apnea.... We got a call at 8:30 telling us that they'd found our daughter that we'd spoken to 3 hours previous that they found her unresponsive. They then went on to say they did CPR for 8 minutes (it was actually 16) and that they got her heart rate back. I knew time mattered in this case, so I asked how long she'd been in there before they found her and the answer, I got floored me "we don't know"... we rushed up to the hospital to find her body tremoring and her eyes rolled in her head.... the ICU Dr stood outside her door to talk to us which I remember thinking was weird at the time. I now think he was trying to disassociate himself with what was before him. That night we watched as they took our critical daughter to a big hospital in the city... I thought it strange considering her condition that they would do this by ambulance and not life flight. I know it's because they knew there was no hope. They basically sent my daughter to slowly die brain death a little more each day for 6 days till there was nothing left to save. I believe they did this so that they could feel less guilty about being responsible for a mothers' death. I believe it was so they could say she didn't die here and wash their hands of it. In doing so they managed to send my daughter with every single rib broken, a fact I wish I didn't know. After the 6 days she was alive on life support for organ donation 2 more days and saved the lives of 3 people a gesture that sometimes brings me comfort and other times heartache. My beautiful daughter had 3 babies, my grandbabies, that we were caring for when she was in the hospital. They are 5, 4, and 2 and now have to grow up without ever feeling the love of their mommy like they should. My husband and I have sole physical custody of the babies now and so they live with me and navigating through all of this for them for me and for my husband and her brothers has been difficult to say the least. I may not always do things the way I should with them, but my husband and I are trying our best to make sure they never forget their mommy and that they always know how much she loved them. We are trying to make sure they have a life that isn't perfect without her but as perfect as we can make it for them. Somedays because my heart is literally broken in a million pieces thats not easy but for them, for her, I push forward through my tears.
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