Nicholle
  • Female
  • Minneapolis, MN
  • United States
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About Me:
4 kids, married for 17 years, beautiful life.
About my Loss:
My mother in law, the matriarch of our family on that side passed away not even three years ago. 6 months after she passed, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we went through a non stop nightmare for 22 months before she passed 7 months ago. 2 months before she passed, my father in law was diagnosed with terminal leukemia and we walked him out the door 1 month ago. That's 3 active parents gone in under 3 years, 2 in 7 months. I'm overwhelmed with missing even though I'm very connected to the other side. My husband is overwhelmed as well. One of us has to get a grip.

Nicholle's Blog

My Way Out of The Hole

My father in law's house has sold, which is good, but it's still weird how we "erase" everything as if they were not here. Of course we still have some of the things from my husband's parent's, and i have some of my mom's things but mostly we had to get rid of so many things, and it only makes sense to do that. My mom's dresser is gone in dad's room, which is also good but was weird. 

I had a few really rough weeks. I don't know if it's because I feel like I remember so much of heaven…

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Posted on July 8, 2014 at 7:43am

Proof of Heaven might save me yet.

You know, miracles really are everywhere. My husband's aunt, whom I love dearly, was with us when my father in law passed. She's the oldest sister. He's the 2nd sibling she has lost. My father in law LOVES this book, and couldn't stop raving about it. Patty found it, it was the only one on the shelf and it jumped into her hands, she swears she barely reached for it. Anyway, she sent it to me now, maybe knowing how lost I feel right now.  And it's working. It's a pretty awesome…

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Posted on June 4, 2014 at 9:08am

Did I say I was turning a corner?

Well here is how fast this fall happened. 

Today was a great day! I told you. Just before. In the post JUST BEFORE this. Then my friend asked if I could go to the grocery store for her. I do NOT have panic attacks, but since all this loss, I FREAK OUT in there. It's stupid, but i leave in tears every time. And i usually never get everything i needed, because at some point i just have to GET THE HELL OUT AND AWAY. But I'm trying, right? I am nothing if not trying, so I said…

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Posted on June 3, 2014 at 3:15pm — 1 Comment

Turning a corner?

I think I felt my soul expand to make room for the mad and sad. Because I feel BETTER but not because of a lack of mad and sad. I feel better because I think...I expanded. I can feel joy much better now.  I mean, I have not had to try so hard to LIVE in such a very long time. I am doing everything RIGHT, I am being outside and barefoot as much as possible, I am eating well and drinking my favorite tea and taking epsom salt baths and chanting NICE things in my head like I AM LOVE instead of…

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Posted on June 3, 2014 at 12:00pm

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At 10:10pm on May 7, 2015, Mark said…

Thanks for the comments on my blog Nicki, I am glad my ramblings are appreciated by someone.  I will keep writing here as long as it helps.  I find that if I can output more than a paragraph or two my mind has calmed somewhat.  I am very sorry for your multiple losses in your family in a short period of time.  You must feel like an emotional punching bag.  I hope your left settles to a more stable calm state.

I wish you all the best.

Mark

 
 
 

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dream moon JO B commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"miss mom mom so mush i do so num i am"
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Joe H. left a comment for Margie
"Margie, I am deeply sorry for the loss of your mother - I listened to you speak at this past Zoom meeting and felt my heart hurt at the pain in your voice.  I truly hope that you will continue to join the meeting on Monday and pray they will…"
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Losing my 15 year old brother

I lost my brother in November 2020. Our family has been devastated ever since. Everyday is a new struggle. I want to support my family but I am myself having a tough time coping with thingsSometimes I get tied up in looking after myself vs looking after them . It's important to do bothBut i dont know how to manage for nowSee More
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Too Young To Die

My fiancé was hit by a car while biking last year, he would had turn 28 that month. Nobody deserve to die in an young age.See More
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