Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
Hi, I'm new around here. My mother passed away on Saturday February 6th, very suddenly and unexpectedly. We were in touch every day, via text, e-mail and phone calls, and we saw each other every weekend. We've always been close, but especially since my father passed away almost two years ago now.
That's how I knew something was very wrong on Saturday morning when I couldn't get in touch with her, and that's why I called 911. The EMS workers found her lying on the couch as if asleep. She wasn't breathing, and had no pulse. I was told by a uniformed stranger, "Your mother is deceased." I thought there had to be a mistake, a misunderstanding. I had just spoken to my Mom on the phone the night before, and she had seemed fine then. I had the experience of seeing a medical examiner poking and prodding her, looking for signs of trauma. None were found. I was told, "It looks like she just fell asleep."
A couple of days later, after the autopsy, I was told that my mother had "very bad heart disease." Apparently, she had high blood pressure, and three of her arteries were very clogged. We had no idea that there was any problem at all with her heart. She was seventy, and certain she'd live to her nineties, as women in her family usually do. She thought she would be around for a long time.
My mother's two siblings have come, and they have been helping me out with things. It's a good thing they're here. Aside from a need for emotional support, there's a whole lot of paperwork, and red tape. My mother didn't have a will. She was definitely planning on making out a will, but she hadn't gotten around to it. She thought she had plenty of time.
I'm in my thirties, unmarried, with no children, no siblings, and now I have no living parents. This whole thing just feels so fundamentally wrong. I keep feeling compelled to go over Saturday's tragic chain of events in my head, over and over, trying to make sense of it. It's never going to make sense. This all feels like a nightmare, and I just want to wake up, and tell my Mom about the bad dream I had.
Does this make sense to anyone? Does anyone else feel like this?
First of all, I am so very sorry that your Mom has passed. I can imagine the shock of her sudden passing, this is a great touch stone to come to and share your feelings. There are so many people on here with so many different experiences. I too have lost both of my parents. My father in September 2013 and then my mother in January 2014. I loved my father very dearly but my mother was my best friend, just like you and many on here. When my mother passed I just didn't know how life would be. She was my one safe place to go to, she made everything better. You will have that longing to call your Mom for a while. It was like second nature to me, first thing at morning and last thing at night (and the hours in between) I would call her, everyday. I know that your pain will be immense as not only did you lose your Mom but you lost your best friend.
Come on here, day or night Carla, put your feelings down and there will always be someone to listen and to chat to. Feel free to message me if you wish. I am in my late 30s (well tipping 40 this year!), I have a husband and a son but there are times that you need for the person listening to understand how you are feeling a little bit more. The only way they will feel that is if they, themselves have experienced grief. My husband's parents are both still alive (for many years to come I hope) so whilst he listens, there are times when you want to rant and know that the listener has some understanding of how you feel the way you do. I know that grief manifests itself in different ways but if you want to talk, I and many on here will listen for as long as you need us to.
What you wrote makes complete sense by the way. Remember, message me whenever you want. Take care xx
I am in the same situation, my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly from cardiac arrest, I spoke with her twenty minutes prior to her CA.
I have no one, yes it makes sense to me.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on January 7 due to complications from a fall at home. My father passed seven years ago, I'm an only child, and am 42 with no spouse or children of my own. I feel untethered to this world, purposeless except for my dog. I know how you feel.
Good morning, dear Carla.
I am so sorry by this tremendous loss in your life. It's not only the loss of your beautiful Mother, suddenly, but you're trying to make sense of something so senseless. It seems compounded by the fact that you feel very alone in this world. I remember my Mum saying that after her parents had passed (both in their 80's, she "felt like an orphan",... then she said "I guess no matter how old you are, I AM an orphan Who do you go to for advice, to share your triumphs, your joys, your disappointments, your failures if not your Mother?
You are also dealing with the emotional and physical stress of paperwork related to her estate. Are you capable? I have 1000% confidence you are making your Mother proud - in all you do. And, your Aunts/Uncles are helping you. I'm so happy to know of this. When my Mum passed away almost 2 years ago I thought "how do I go on without the person who knew me the most in life?" She was the eternal optimist.
My doctor had just lost both his Mom & Dad within one month of each other - one expected and one not. He told me months later he was still missing them and finding it hard - but it does get easier, Everyone says it, but it's hard to imagine. Is there a day I don't think of her? No. But I am a Christian and God has given carried me when I find it hard to go on. You WILL find it hard to go on, but you will do it, and you will remember those happy times more than the circumstances surrounding her death. You will be standing someone/or driving, etc, and chuckle out loud at something funny she did. Then as I do, I shed a tear, tell her I love her, and thanks for the laugh. You will get there...I promise. It's almost 2 years and I still cry for her, but the joy of knowing her lengthy, painful illness is over is a blessing that I have to remind myself of.
Take care, my dear - you are not alone - you are NEVER alone. ((hugs))
Great reply Sandra
Avi, my sentiments and words to you are the same as when I responded to Carla.
Just the fact that you are already posting and wishing strength for someone else shows me that YOU have deep strength. I am so sorry for anyone on this journey. xo