Yesterday morning at 7am, my grandma called in hysterics that a hospital called her and told her my 32 year old brother had died. My mom and I called the sheriff's office and they said he had been dead 3 or 4 weeks and the landlord had found him the previous night. We had a strained relationship and I hadn't spoken to him since Christmas. I sent a happy birthday text in February but he never responded. I feel this crushing guilt that if I had made an attempt to call him or see him then maybe I would've seen that he was sick and I could have prevented his death. I've never had a death in the family and I feel so crushed. I wish I had told him I loved him one more time. If he was sick, why didn't he call us? Why did he ask for help? My mom saw him March 15th and a cording to the police, he died a 2 or 3 weeks later. Why didn't he want us to help? I feel like I abandoned him and I feel so much regret. If hus water bill hadn't been shut off, how much longer until someone found him. Another month? Two? He's already so decomposed that we can't bury him, it's safer to cremate him. I feel physical pain about my poor brother and I don't know how to comfort myself let alone my mom and grandma who also blame themselves.

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I'm so sorry that you have lost your brother but also that you have to deal with your "guilt". Your journey is only just beginning and your emotions will be all over the place and that is normal. This is not a linear process, you will "jump" all over the place. As someone told me in the early days of losing my sister, "there's no way around grief, you can only go through it". Be gentle with yourself. XxX
Thank you for your kind words. It's Day 2 and it feels like it won't get better. We can't even plan his funeral yet as his body hasn't been released to us. I'm sorry for your loss as well. You hear about it happening to others but you never think it'll happen to you. I hope you feel peace now.
Xoxo

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