My name is Wendy and I am a relatively new member. I lost my husband of 27 years, June 8th, 2019 to homicide. He was one of five lives that were lost in a mass killing in White Swan, WA. He was the love of my life. The circumstances surrounding his death are still surreal to me. During the initial months that followed that horrific day, my three Sons and I were only provided details of his murder through national media coverage. A life that was very private became very public knowledge as my husband, the father of my three Sons, life and death in intimate detail became known. As the investigation has been ongoing, new details continue to emerge. I am left with so many conflicting feelings. From everything that is known and what has been shared with me by the FBI, my husband was at the wrong place at the wrong time. But the place that he was at was not a place he should have been, nor was it surrounded by individuals that a married father, grandfather, prominent business owner should have been keeping company with. I keep second guessing everything, blaming myself, wondering what I missed, what I could have done differently that day, if I could have prevented it. We have 3 grown sons, as it was their father, why couldn’t it have been me instead. Without going into too much detail, I learned some things that I wish I had not and I’m sure he believed I never would. It’s very hard because I can’t ask him for clarification, we can’t resolve whatever issues there were, we can’t talk thru it and there is no closure, only questions. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I feel very much alone.

Views: 66

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Wendy,

My husband died as well, though in a very different way (sudden heart attack).  I'm sure that the way your husband died adds additional pain and stress to your life, and I am sorry you are having to experience that. I know you will probably keep second-guessing, but there is truly no point to doing that, as it doesn't change anything. You are still here, and I'm sure your sons are glad about that. 

So while I haven't experienced anything similar to what you have experienced, other than my husband having died as well, I didn't want you to feel that no one had read your post.  {{{{hugs}}}}

p.s. I am rarely on this site anymore, so if you respond to this post and I don't respond again, please don't take it personally.

RSS

Latest Activity

Lucy updated their profile
10 hours ago
Lucy joined Ada Bowie's group
Thumbnail

Losing a sibling

For anyone who's lost a sibling. It's worse than people seem to think it is.
10 hours ago
Profile IconAdam S, Lucy, Alexandra Tomko and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
23 hours ago
Alma P updated their profile
yesterday
Alma P commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's blog post After Death Communication
"Alexandra Tomko -  That is beautiful... thank you for sharing it. I loved reading it. Its horrible that you were assaulted by another man... I'm sorry to hear that it happened. I have to say that, I am amazed by your courage and strength…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Diana, Certified Grief Counselor's blog post After Death Communication
"Alexandria, I wish I could click a like button. God Bless You."
yesterday
bluebird replied to Shayla's discussion Loss of a mom & Unhappily Married
"Shayla, I am not in your situation, but since you have had basically two significant losses (the death of your mother, and the death of a happy marriage), it might be helpful for you to consider seeing a therapist. At the very least, it will give…"
yesterday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"In about 1.5 months, it will be 8 years since my husband died. For me, the pain has not lessened, nor has the sense of shock. I still find myself sometimes caught short by my disbelief, the sense that this cannot be real. I just re-read my…"
yesterday

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service