It is just over 3 weeks since my husband Pete lost his 5 year battle with his cancer of an unknown primary.  This grief journey is not new to me as 18 years ago my first husband took his own life.  I never thought I would ever find love again, but I did.   I was so lucky to find Pete and we had 10 special years together.  However, half way through that he was diagnosed with cancer.   I feel so cheated, but at the same time I feel blessed I was given another chance.   I know that many people do not get that, so I shouldn't feel sorry for myself.  AT the moment I do, but I know that will pass.  Every day the tears come and I try so hard to find comfort in the good times.  But at the moment the thoughts of the good times are what bring on the tears.    As someone once said to me, "you will never get over this, but you will get through this."  Thank you for listening.

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Hi Enza

I hadn't heard of that particular glacier breaking away.  The climate all over the world is out of whack isn't it?   The areas of our state that recently flooded and thankfully missed us this time, have just had their 4th flood this year.  It is unbelievable and unheard of before.  No wonder they are just so fed up.  Even our town Lismore, is still struggling with many businesses not reopening and people wanting to leave.  You can't blame them.   The flood in our area went over the flood wall by a couple of metres.

Thank you for the boost to my morale over my car towing experience.  It meant a lot to me.  I'd never used the tow bar on the car before and Pete wanted it there in case I ever needed it.  Probably not for what he had envisaged, but it was so useful.

How I wished you lived closer.  I've also had a shocking week.   I couldn't stop crying.  It was 8 months this week since I lost Pete and I felt this overwhelming sadness that wouldn't leave me.   Then a friend rang and I had a talk to her and I felt so much better.  I even managed to go and do some work outside.  I have been working really hard since the 2 days of rain we had this week have gone.   Hard work definitely helps, but like you with the heat and us with the rain, when they occur and you can't do much, you are simply stuck with your thoughts.

I also live 20 minutes out of town and couldn't imagine living anywhere else.  I feel my calmest when out here and with the amount of birds I'm getting due to all the trees and shrubs we have planted over our 10 years together, they are able to survive and multiply.

I remember on Christmas day last year, just only weeks after losing Pete.  I was devastated.  I walked outside and normally you would hear birds, but that day I think just about every bird that was able to sing was singing to me.  I felt my heart soar as it was so out of the ordinary and I knew then it was a Christmas gift from Pete.

What dates in August are the hardest for you?    Two of my children were born in August:  the 4th and the 22nd.   It would be lovely to be able to post photos for you to see.

At 2pm today I'm invited to my daughters for afternoon tea.  We will see how that goes.  I still feel like an intruder around there and at the back of my mind is always the knowledge they simply aren't interested in what Pete and I had:  only themselves and that makes me sad.   I spoke with my mother on the phone the other day and she asked me what I had been up to.  I told her I had been having a terrible time feeling so sad.   Of course she just grunted and changed the subject.  I have to accept that is what she is, it will never change, but by god it is hard to cope with.  I understand that you know all about that as well.

Make sure you drink plenty of water during this heat wave won't you?   As for me, I'm still having my nightly fire which is great.  Marty our dear friend, came over yesterday and chopped up more firewood for me.  I've been doing it, but what is left I simply couldn't get through.  I was very thankful.

Take care dear friend, I think it is just so special that you and Claudio had that music connection together.   Those tunes Claudio wrote for the both of you will always take pride of place in your heart.  Every time I look at all those many, many trees and shrubs we have planted together over the years I also can't help but think of Pete.  Even when Palliative care would come out here to care for Pete they were so impressed and said how much they loved our "parkland." Which is exactly what it is.   You just feel like putting a blanket down and having a picnic in many places.  I have to smile to myself when I say that because as much as Pete and I would have loved to do that, if we sat on the ground we probably wouldn't be able to get up again.  So we cheated and used chairs instead!

Big hugs and I look forward to much to hearing from you again

Ros

Hi Roslyn, I hope you're doing well, and how did your afternoon tea go, with your daughter? I hope you had a good family chat, I'm sure she was delighted to have you there.
You paint such a beautiful picture in my mind, when you describe your parkland, with those beautiful birds singing around the trees and shrubs you and Pete planted together. I remember that when my hubby talked about his visit, as a teenager, to Australia with his family (he still has cousins living there) he was so bewildered by the different species of wonderful birds, especially parrots, that we obviously don't have here.
When you used the word 'grunted', describing how your mother replied, you made me smile Ros, I've had that too. They just can't possibly understand.
I've just been missing my beloved more and more lately, perhaps it's also due to these long never ending summer days, and especially today, another lonely Sunday. . I wake up in the morning and can't wait till evening comes again to go to bed and get over with another day.

I've been caring for my tomatoes so devotedly, that I have surprised myself, I actually feel proud. For the first time in my life, completely alone, way back in early March, I had simply sown some seeds in a seed bed, and left it in on my windowsill in the living room, watering them ever now and then. I thought at the time: '"Let's see what happens". They grew, I planted them out in our field in May, and now I just love looking at my little green tomatoes every day, watching them changing color and eventually ripen to become bright red (hopefully). Obviously, my beautiful beloved taught me how to do this, even my mum was surprised when I told her. Anyway, I've also now lived longer here in the country, then I lived before in that chaotic city I'd never go back to. I'm sure you will agree Ros that our two lovely soulmates are helping us in our achievements, they are there, aren't they? We wouldn't be able to carry on, otherwise. I just still break down at times and cry out: "how can such an intelligent mind like yours, just not exist anymore?". Then again, he "is" actually part of me now, that's how I feel, I get by feeling him in my soul, in my mind every single second of the day.
Ros, I do hope it stops raining for you there, you've really had enough, haven't you? We're still in a drought here, now in the middle of another heatwave, temperatures about 100 Fahrenheit, humid and full of mosquitos, typical for this time of year.
Sending you strength and lots of hugs,look forward to hearing from you.
Enza

Hi Enza

I've been seeing on the nightly news the heatwave currently hitting Europe.   I'm thinking of you and hoping you are coping ok.  Would you believe we have had lovely weather here, but the nights are cold.  Three to 4 days of rain is forecast for later this week though.

On Friday I burnt another huge bonfire.   On Saturday I spent basically all day mowing.  On Sunday I gathered more rubbish as the bon fire site was still smoldering under all those ashes, plus I poisoned off a lot of weeds and did more mowing.  I've worked hard but I've totally enjoyed it, I actually felt I have achieved something.

Afternoon tea went ok.  I still feel the odd one out.  My middle granddaughter who is 14 asked me would I like to watch her play netball this coming weekend and I said I would.  I'm not a sports fan, but I will go.  The eldest who is 17 wants me to have lunch with her one day and I said I would do that too.  All positive that way.  The youngest who never knew me at all is very distant and I can understand that.  I feel the same way about him:  no bond.   I do wonder what the future holds with regards to them all.  Still no contact from my youngest daughter who turns 40 on 4th August.  I intend sending her flowers and will see what eventuates from there.

When you said you wake up in the morning and can't wait until night time to get over another day, it sounded just like me.  That is what I do.  Of an evening I do jigsaws as they help pass the time, but I miss not having Pete to talk things over with, get his take on things and just to have that special someone to lean on when you need support the most.  You can get a hug from a stranger/friend or whoever, but it will never ever be the same.  How can it be?

I'm so proud of you for nurturing those tomatoes.   It is something you have achieved all alone and I know Claudio will be very proud of you for doing so.   I remember Pete was also proud of me as I used to love making plants grow from cuttings.  My pride and joy are 2 camellias that I grew from small cuttings.  I love camellias and they are scattered all over the place here.  I do agree, our soulmates are helping us here on this earthly plain.

I'm taking Bonnie out to get a groom this morning.  She looks like a woolly mammoth without the tusks of course.  She isn't a fan of her thick hair and loves it when it gets thinned out.  She is only a small dog, but I love her to bits.  My last piece of Pete if you like.  She was his mate and initially 5 years ago when Pete's brain tumour was first diagnosed, Bonnie was the one who found it.   We couldn't work out why she wanted nothing to do with Pete when of an evening she loved to sit on his lap for hours on end.   When the tumour was removed, she was back in his lap again.  She also knew the side effects of the chemo were making Pete's legs throb and she wanted to lick them all the time.  Bless her, she knew he was ill.

Anyway I had best get going, her appointment is in half an hour.  You take care and I look forward to hearing from you.  Keep safe during this terrible heat.

Hugs to you

Ros

Hi Ros, I'm glad your meeting with your daughter and grandchildren went OK, I understand that there isn't a special bond, it's understandable when you don't spend much time with each other, but I'm sure she the kids were happy and proud to see their grandma. If your granddaughter invited you to see her play netball, it means she really cares and will be honored with your presence. I remember playing netball in my schooldays when I lived in London. I hated it at first, but then I grew to like it,was even quite a good player, and it ended up being the only sport I didn't actually detest, because I was never the'sporty' type.

Ros, I forgot to answer your question in yr previous post, our birthdays are the 9th(his) and 19th,anniversary the 12th,oh I just can't bear to think about it, can't believe it will be the second year without my love. Still going through our scorching 100F temperatures, we've almost got to the point where night or day, there's practically no difference. I really have difficulty putting up with it, just stay inside with all the shutters closed, switching on the air conditioning every now and then for a bit of solace. You know Ros, my tomatoes have started to ripen, I nearly cried when I saw the first red one, I know you understand why. While I was watering them, I was talking to my beloved, asking him if he was proud of me, that I had managed to produce all this on my own, starting from a simple seed-bed. When I sowed those seeds way back in March, obviously keeping them indoors because it was still very cold, I didn't think they would sprout. Then even when they became little plants and I planted them outside, I didn't have much hope. I sound crazy perhaps, going on and on about my tomatoes, but I can confirm that all this is thanks to what I learned from my darling husband. So they are special to me, just like you with your lovely camellias, I would love to see a photo. I saw on our home page on this site that there is a way to this. I will perhaps have a try.
Your little dog sounds like a real beauty, I understand she must give you great company and comfort. I know what you mean about not having that special person to lean on for emotional support, that mutual understanding, reading each other's thoughts, knowing what each of us is going to say next. I miss my darling so much too, every day more and more, constantly in my mind, my heart, will always exist for me, even if not physically, his presence will never ever leave me.

Lots of hugs, take care, always thinking of you.
Enza

Hi Enza

I've never been sporty.  I was always picked last for teams in school.  But when I was 15 I took up Ju Jitsu and that was something I could do alone and not be expected to please others.  My daughter said another netball game is on this coming Saturday.  I said I would go, but I won't be doing it every weekend.

I've had a gastro thing on and off for a couple of weeks now and I feel tired.  I've made a doctors appointment for 5th August (9 months that day since Pete left), so it will be a difficult day for me.  I also want to get some moles checked over too.  I just hope I don't cry in the surgery.

Not sure about where you live, but over here power prices are going through the roof.  Of a morning I put the reverse cycle air/con on just to warm the house for about 10 minutes and in summer it is the same to help cool it off.  But we would generally try and use fans.  Where the house is situated is quite high and during summer we are lucky enough to get the sea breezes.  The house is well insulated, despite all the glass, so I know that helps.

I'm very proud of you for nurturing those tomatoes from seed to what you are getting now.  I love growing flowers, shrubs and trees, but when it comes to vegetables it is hit and miss.  I've had good success with capsicums (peppers), bok choy and herbs.  Sometimes I've grown the mini tomatoes, but not with the success you are having.  Mine seem to get eaten by bugs and when the odd one did sprout I just ate it!!  Nothing like home grown tomatoes, they are so sweet.  Oh, I've also succeeded with snow peas and cucumbers.   Once I tried to grow sweet potatoes, but usually some little native animal beat me to the draw.  Still, I don't mind sharing!

I'm having lunch with Olivia, my eldest granddaughter tomorrow.  I hope that goes well.  Wish me luck

I agree with you, life is just so lonely.  When Pete left I know part of me went too.  I feel as if I just can't give anymore at times.   I know I have aged a lot.  I've lost weight too and that doesn't help either.   I hate looking at myself in the mirror and I know Pete would be so sad to hear me say that.  Like you, I've been through a lot and sometimes you just have to wonder how much more you can actually take.

Enough of the woes, sorry about that.  I'm just heading out to do some long awaited pruning as even though the day is quite cool, the rain is gone for the moment.

Enjoy those fruits of your labour, you are doing so well and Claudio can see that too - I know it!

I'm already looking forward to hearing from you.  Big hugs back to you.

Ros

Hi Ros, I was sorry to hear about your gastro problems. Hope you are over that now, and how did the medical visit for your moles go? I understand that all these health issues seem more dfifficult to deal with, without the reassurance of our loving husbands. Especially because mine was in the medical profession, so he would always recognize signs and symptoms, before they got out of hand, and would reassure us if it was nothing to worry about, or act quickly if it was serious. Who can I turn to now? Thankfully, my kids and I have learned so much from him in this sector, but it's never enough of course, we can't ever have his competence. I remember when my son, at 8 years old, was suffering from abdominal pains (the lower part) and the pediatrician just said it was a typical kid's 'belly ache' and not to worry. However, after 3 days my Claudio grew suspicious as our son was still in pain, walking in a crooked way, leaning to the right,(where our appendix is situated), and very high fever. He immediately took a bloodtest, rushed to his laboratory (it was nearly midnight), returned home and said we had to rush him to hospital for an emergency appendectomy, as his white blood cells had risen enormously, sign of serious infection. At the hospital, they agreed with my husband's diagnosis, but wanted to operate the morning after. My husband insisted that it couldn't wait, the appendix was extremely swollen, about to become peritonitis, which was fatal. Luckily the surgeon listened to my husband and my son was saved that night. I cry as I write this, because my husband in his work, had saved many lives, as in our blood tests you can detect in advance if there is a serious disease about to develop, long before the physical symptoms arrive, as we know, "prevention is better than cure" , can save your life.
This is why I just can't come to terms with the fact that when my husband was having a heart attack, he mistook the chest pains for stomach pains. What can I say? Fate deceived us.

Anyway Ros, I don't want to sadden you, we have to try and be strong and struggle on as best we can.
I hope your meeting with your granddaughter went well, it's great to hear that you are getting to see your family more often.
We are both very lucky that we have our property to look after, and help us pass the time, in the fresh air, even if sometimes, like you say, our fruits get eaten by little intruders. We are honoring our husbands doing this and we should feel very proud, I really don't know what I would do without it. We had a violent hailstorm the other day, typical for these high humid temperatures 37/38 c, we're still getting. Luckily, my tomatoes weren't damaged, as long as it doesn't happen again.

Sending you a big hug, take care.
Enza

Hi Enza

I do look forward to your emails.   I was wondering if you were ok as I hadn't heard from you and after looking in the "junk" folder, I discovered your email.   Maybe a psychic connection between the two of us, because it was waiting to be discovered.

I have had a good chat with my 17 yr old granddaughter.  I've tried to say to her that there are  2 sides to every story, don't entirely blame Pete or I, plus a few other things I felt she was old enough to understand.  She said, "you were in a toxic relationship?" I felt she was directing that towards Pete and I, so I simply said, "that's right, with my children."  I left it there.  Other than that I've never said anything untoward about her parents to her.  She I feel has heard so much negativity about myself and Pete and I think in her own way, she asks me these questions to get my take on what happened.  It's tricky.

Her mother sent me a message thanking me for taking the girls to their after school work commitments while she was away last weekend.  Olivia (17 yr old), organised it all and my daughter said she was pleased with that because she never wants to ask me for help in case I accuse her of taking advantage.  It just crushes me when I'm trying so hard to move on and she every now and then takes a jab at me.  I have plenty I could jab back with, whats the point?  A)  things are totally denied and B) I want to move on.  There's Hurt on both sides, not just hers and I can't change the past but I can move on. C) I'm able to forgive, but by god, I can't forget either, so I am guarded.  So things are ok on some levels, but mostly I feel like an intruder.

On Sunday my mother was admitted to hospital.  The doctors still don't know what is wrong, after conducting many tests.   She was given a blood transfusion which helped I believe and she is to see a cardiologist, so they must believe it to be her heart.   I'm making the 6 hour drive over there tomorrow for a few days to spend some time with her and to see what is going on.   I don't really want to, but feel obliged to do so.  Her house is so cold and I will miss my fire and my electric blanket.

That was a very heartfelt story about your sons appendicitis episode.  Thank goodness your husband knew what he was doing and insisted on his operation.  He basically saved his life didn't he?  You must really miss him on so many levels Enza?   It is hard to cope some days isn't it?

My doctors visit yesterday went well.  She said the moles are nothing to worry about.  She is lovely and I told her about her colleague who treated Pete and I unkindly with the palliative care issue.   She simply said, "Ros, you should have called me."  I wish we had, but we felt we couldn't as she hadn't handled Pete's case.

I'm pleased your tomato crop is coming along well.  That's because you have green thumbs!

I had a lovely dove fly into the glass door this morning and unfortunately broke his neck.  It happens every now and then.  I always shed a tear as it is so sad.

I passed Pete's 9 month anniversary last Friday to the day.  It was a long day as I relived it all over again.

That's about all my news.  I hope the weather calms down a bit for you over there.  We haven't had much rain this month, but the days are lovely if you can get out of the wind.  The nights are still cold.

Take care my friend.  Big hugs and I look forward to hearing from you when you get the chance.

Ros x

Hi Ros, glad to hear your moles are nothing to worry about, , but I'm sorry to hear about your mother being in hospital.You are so lovely to drive six hours to be with her, and all alone, I don't think I could have done that. I do hope your relationship with your daughters and grandchildren will continue improving. I know it must be so difficult,with an odd 'jab' to you every now and then,we just need to grin and bear it sometimes, and let bygones be bygones, even if I, myself, find this difficult to do.
I understand how sad it must have been for you to relive that day, on the 9 month anniversary, I've just gone through my husband's birthday and our wedding anniversary.
Can't tell you what a breakdown I had. Nobody remembered, or perhaps, they just didn't want to mention it, so as not to upset me.
Yes Ros, my son's life was saved by his dad, I'm sure about that.
I was just looking at some youtube videos on Olivia Newton-John, so sorry to see her go. I remember that 'Grease" was the first film I ever saw at a cinema, when I was 11 years old, living in London, and I went with my father. I absolutely loved it, and have actually always loved it, the songs, everything. Bought the album, the photo story book, and my best friend, at the time, bought Olivia's LP (how I miss those vinyl records) and we'd spend our afternoons listening to and singing her songs. Ive always thought she had a great voice and was a little bit underestimated by the music business. Deserved more fame, than she really ever had, or perhaps in her hometown, in Australia, she received more deserved appreciation?
Ros, Ive decided that we need to sell the car I mentioned in the past, it's a shame to let it rot out there (it isn't in an indoor garage, just under a shed),the battery's already gone, but I can't tell you how I may react when I will have to part with it.
Weather has cooled down a bit now, after 10 days of nonstop thunderstorms, seems like our home phone line has been damaged, haven't figured that out yet. The technicians say that there's nothing wrong with the external line, so it's our problem. My Claudio would have had the solution, better not start thinkin g about that. I'm not too bothered though, or I'll end up thumping my fists against the walls again, during my frequent grief attacks/downpours! Nowadays, we can live without home- phones anyway, as long as internet is working, we all have our mobiles.

I've been spending the afternoon practising the Castaway theme tune on the piano. I know it isn't advisable in my state, but as they say, we are attracted to the type of music that reflects our mood, our state of mind. Ive always loved this type of music anyway.

Best wishes for your mother Ros, and you take care of yourself too.
A big hug.
Enza

Hi Enza

My mother is much better thank you for your good wishes.  I had 3 days with her and that was ample.  My sciatic nerve gave me hell on the trip over and on the way back as well.  Though it wasn't as severe.  I helped her with many household chores, shopping and we went to the cemetery to clean my grandparents graves and also my fathers.

With all the storms my landline also gave issues.  In the end I bought a new landline over the internet and it works a treat.  I prefer it to the mobile to be honest.  My mobile reception here isn't the best and to speak on the phone I have to go outside, rain, hail or shine and stand in my backyard to get a signal.

I hate grinning and bearing it to be honest with you.  My eldest daughter (the psychologist), is the one giving the jibes and she can't let go of the past.  She has always given nasty and sometimes sarcastic jabs even before I met Pete and the years I spent away from her as much as I hate to say it, were bliss.   I actually told my brother about it and how my youngest wants an honest conversation.  He said, "why do they want to go there?"   Let it go.  I couldn't agree more.  I have many things I can confront both him and my mother over as well, but we all decided it's not worth it.  Nothing can change the past, we can only move onto the future.   When Fiona does come over for this so called honest conversation with me, I'll basically have to nip it in the bud before it starts.   As history proves, anything I say to her goes straight back to her older sister who then takes over.  At my stage in life I don't need or want any more stress.

Yes Olivia Newton John is somewhat of a legend over here.  I believe the government is giving her a memorial state funeral, but she will be buried in the USA I understand.   Grease was great wasn't ?   I can't believe how she fitted into those pants!!

Would you believe that now the pump to my house for my water supply stopped altogether on Monday?  I'm hoping a new one will be installed today.   It's something you take for granted until you can't shower, clean your teeth etc.  I've been using bottled water and thankfully I have 2 other smaller tanks that aren't attached to the house, but I can bucket water from them.  This pump is 26 years old so I think it has finally deserved a well earned rest.

Not much more to tell from this end.  Keep on playing your beautiful music.  I wish I could play a musical instrument.  Too late now, I have too much to do.  Of an evening though I've been doing jigsaws which keep me from thinking too much about Pete and what I'm missing.

Take care dear friend and big hugs to you too

Ros x

Hi Ros, I'm a little late in replying, as I've had a bad few days lately. I'm absolutely heartbroken because the other day I found one of our lovely cats lifeless, lying there near our front yard. My daughter and I are just devastated, we don't understand what happened, she thinks he was poisoned because no injuries, nothing, just bleeding from eyes and nose, poor thing. I really don't want to talk about it further, just can't come to terms with this, can't hold back the tears.
I do hope you have got your new water pump installed, I understand how awful it can be suddenly finding yourself with no water supply. It has happened to us during particularly cold winters when the pipes would be frozen!
When you mentioned your 'sciatic nerve', you actually hit a chord there. A few years ago I spent six weeks almost crippled, could hardly walk. I was in agony twenty four hours a day, the pain started on the lower part of my back, on the right, down my thigh, leg, and all the way down to my foot,the whole right limb completely in agony. I never slept, always having to sit upright, couldn't lie down, one morning my husband had to practically carry me down the stairs! What would I do now? Better not start thinking about that, or I'll have one of my grief fits.
We've had a very unusual month of August, rain storms nearly every afternoon. My poor daughter got soaked, along with her group of friends during a camping trip, and lo and behold, on her return, she came down with fever, cold, cough, wasn't Covid luckily. She's just practically got over it now.
I had problems with my home phone too, Ros. We were without our land line for days, calling the technician so many times, but they just told us to change the actual telephone appliance, connecting a new one to the system. (We have a joint Internet Home and Home phone system). I tried that, didn't work. Anyway, in the end they came round and replaced the 'modem' (I'm not sure if you call it that) which picks up all the signals, there was a fault, could have been caused by lightening.
I understand Ros, about those 'jabs', and you're probably right, it's not worth confronting the past, you already have so much on your plate, so many responsibilities being left alone with all that beautiful property to take care of, which your darling soulmate helped create with you. Your Pete would be so proud of you, I'm sure.
I'll leave you now, dear Ros.
Sending you a big hug.
Enza

Hi Enza

I'm so so sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved pet.  I know I will be crushed when Bonnie my little dog who is 14, joins Pete.   I truly feel your pain.  But I also believe that little cats soul will be cared for by your husband, I really do.

My new pump is installed, thank goodness and I can't believe the amount of pressure it gives compared to the old one.  It's amazing though what you get used to and think is normal.

I've often had sciatic nerve issues and many years ago it was dreadful, though nothing like what you went through you poor thing.   The pain is shocking isn't it?   Sitting too much is a killer for me.

My sister who lives quite a distance from me is currently going through covid for the 2nd time.  She plans on visiting me at the end of September, so I hope she is over it by then.

Today has been a tough day.   I pushed myself through it by working hard again.  In fact I have all week, mowing, both push and ride on mowing, removing old stumps, trimming lower limbs from trees, cutting firewood, burning my final bon fire for the season before the fire ban comes in for summer.  We enter spring from September 1st, so things will really start growing once more.  I'm up to date with everything, that is until another storm comes and causes more damage.

Yesterday my wall oven ceased to work.  I'm hoping a friend will be able to put a new element in for me, if that is all it is.    If something is to break down, it sure has since Pete left.  Everything is sent to test us, isn't it?

Not much more to tell from this end.  Take care my friend and again, I'm so sad for the loss of your little cat.  Wish I could give you a hug.

Ros

Hi Ros, it's almost the end of our summer, and it's been the wettest one in history, I'm sure. Do you believe that we've had rainstorms almost everyday for over a month now, and they're still continuing! There have been floods in other parts of the country, near to us too, but luckily not where we live as we are safely up in the hills (could be prone to landslides, though!). I heard in the news about a couple of deaths caused by lightening strikes! I can't tell you how much grass and weeds have grown, usually this time of year the fields are completely dry, no grass, just yellow desert land, but now it looks like the beginning of Spring, instead of the end of summer! Yesterday I walked around our property and my shoes were literally sinking into the soaked soil. Very unusual.
The other day, I went for my first day trip, with my daughter, to visit an art gallery in nearby Naples. Beautiful experience, but as we had to go by coach (we didn't feel up to driving an hour and a half and then driving around in a chaotic city! ), I had to hold back the tears when we first took off, that morning. Sitting on that coach, I thought to myself : "What am I doing here? You should be here with me, but not on a coach, in our car". We never ever used to use public transport, my darling hubby took us on holidays and day trips by car. I think our country is like yours, the best means of traveling is with your own car, so much to see, so many wonderful places to stop and visit, and the freedom you have in your own car, is unbeatable, isn't it?
Talking about cars Ros, I'm about to sell my beloved'S beautiful car, I just can't bear to see it wasting away out there, in our back yard, the battery's already gone, tyres need replacing. As you surely know, a car wears out more if you don't use it. Although it will break my heart even more letting it go.
I'm glad your water system is functioning again, yes, it's so hard having to face these inconveniences without our soulmates. You're right, everything is breaking now, I have lost count of all the things that need fixing.
I hope your sister gets over covid soon Ros, and that you can meet up soon. I do wish I had at least a brother or a sister I could talk to and perhaps pour my heart to, I feel so guilty having to burden my children, so I just try and put on a brave face, for their sakes, I keep all my feelings inside, I don't want to upset them even more. They have a right to enjoy themselves and get on with their lives, I try to be strong but it is really terribly hard. I know you understand Ros.
Sending you a big hug, take care and look forward to hearing from you.
Enza

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Moving Through the Seven Stages of Grief

When a heart breaks, you’re left gasping for air. After a while you seem fine, yet fall apart unexpectedly at random moments, sanity seemingly forsaken. There’s a saying that when a heart breaks, it cracks to allow golden love to shine through onto others. Do you see the value in going through this?It may not feel like it now, but grief is an honor. It is an honor to feel that much, to have loved that much. It teaches you compassion, gratitude, resilience, and the importance of grabbing life by…See More
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Roslyn replied to Roslyn's discussion learning to cope with my loss
"Hi Enza This is a very early response to your email I know, but my sister is arriving today for 2 or 3 days.  I have to admit to being nervous.  First time having someone stay since I lost Pete. Plus, she will be sleeping in the bed he…"
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