Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by George H on December 15, 2016 at 6:43am

Kevin I know exactly how you feel my wife has been gone for 22 months it seems like 22 minutes people don't understand unless they're Where We Are and I don't wish that on anyone and as far as a God thing I've heard that stuff too and I agree it's the dumbest statements I've ever heard it's very hard lots of loneliness lots of pain but it seems that some of us are just stuck in grief and some of us handle it a little better but the people on this site are all in the same boat and they are wide open to whatever you need to express you take care of yourself

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 15, 2016 at 7:37am

No one can know until they have been here.  NO ONE.  The loss of any other person is not like the loss of a spouse.  A friend recently lost his wife.  When I called I did NOT ask how he was.  What a stupid question even for well meaning people.  I KNEW how he was.  I asked if he could talk and then I let him cry.  I can still hear my husbands voice....a lot of my widowed friends cannot do this.  I can still smell his scent.  I can almost reach out and touch him but not quite.

There are no words for how we feel.

Permalink Reply by April on December 15, 2016 at 11:24am

I feel the same way. I wish all the time I would wake up and it would just be a horrible dream. The night my husband passed I remember thinking go to sleep so when you wake up everything will be fine. I havent found anyone who understands. I am 39 and none of my friends have been through this. they try to help and sometimes they just make it worse. I feel the sadness all the time. I am very glad you shared. I can relate to everything you shared. I wish I had something helpful to offer, but I have not yet found anything that helps.

Permalink Reply by Sabrina on December 15, 2016 at 11:42am

Kevin, every day I wake up and every night I go to bed, I reach out for my husband. I keep thinking that if I wish hard enough this WILL all be just a bad dream. I keep hoping that one of those times I reach for him I will feel him laying beside me. It sucks! The pain, the emptiness, the disappointment, the anger, all of it just sucks! I hear all the cliches like "god needed an angel", "everything happens for a reason", etc, but all those cliches are bull to me. I needed him! We had plans, a future, a life together. I don't know when this pain will lessen and I wonder constantly why he had to leave me so soon. The holidays makes everything even more difficult and the loneliness really sets in, especially when family and friends just don't get it. The little happiness I find now comes from my children. From your picture, it looks like you have children of your own. I hope you can find comfort in them throughout the holidays and always. Thank you for sharing.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 16, 2016 at 12:15am

I just want him back and it's awful knowing it won't happen.  We will never see one another again or look into each other's eyes......share an embrace or a laugh or enjoy a fine meal, listen to music and all the other things we did.  It's over.  Never to hear him say, "I love you"......heartbreaking.

Permalink Reply by Michael on December 16, 2016 at 3:38pm

Kevin
Two months after my wife's death i remain lost, sad, depressed, angry and feeling like if i could die in my sleep id be fine with it. My doctor finally increased my antidepressant dosage so maybe that will help a bit. My job was caringfor my wife so im out of work and bored. I have enough money to getby so i dont need a job but id like to do something besides lie in bed half the day. I am thinking of moving but that wont happen soon. Friends dont want to hear my problems. One in a bsr the other night asked me how i was doing and i said " you don't want to know" and he said "youre right" and walked away. My brother thinks i should be about over it. After 27 years with the love of my life im supposed to be better in2 months? Am i wrong? Am i not grieving properly? I have no idea. Im alone - no family here - so am thinking of moving in with wife's son and family (he's like my son). At least he gets it. Would like to hear from others. Maybe im just wallowing?

Permalink Reply by George H on December 16, 2016 at 3:43pm

Michael you're not wrong my wife has been gone now for 22 months and like you my job was taking care of her 24/7 I was her caregiver for the last 7 years and people don't understand unless there were We Are I spend most of my time by myself sitting in my room staring at a TV and probably couldn't tell you what song it's not an easy Road good people on this site are great it's and they let you vent all you want without any type of judgement because we're all in the same boat you take care buddy

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on December 16, 2016 at 4:38pm

I sat in John's chair, in front of the TV, for five months praying for him to take me to join him.  Didn't happen.  I have no idea how I managed to put one foot in front of the other but I did.  What a particularly sad time of year for all of us.  In eleven more days it will be the first anniversary of John's death.  No words, just no words.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on December 16, 2016 at 8:46pm

I honestly don't see myself getting over my beautiful wife and I don't care what people say, nobody can tell us how long we should feel like this, it's not by choice, we didn't ask for this pain.I honestly would like to disappear sometimes so nobody can find me and bother me.I feel like any moment I'm gonna give up on this life.I too was taking care of my wife while dealing with my own medical issues. People will never understand unless it happens to them.I hurt everyday and I'm always on the brink of crying. You grieve as long as you want. Me personally, it's a permanent part of me. I truly appreciate all of you and I'm so sorry that we got to know eachother like this but I'm so thankful you beautiful people share what you're going through, it really helps me and let's me know I'm not by myself.

Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on December 19, 2016 at 9:45am

Kevin I absolutely understand how you feel it's been 15 months since my husband passed and the days are are just Getting harder The sadness and emptiness are more and more every day people tell me give it time you'll be fine but for me that's not true my whole world has been turned upside down and now I have to live in this world alone so for me no it's never going to be OK and you are right we at least can express ourselves here to people who really understand how we feel I wish you all the best my friend and also I'd like to shout out a message to Michael I hope you're doing well I know you're struggling very hard just know we are all here to listen any time you need take care

Permalink Reply by Michael on December 16, 2016 at 9:01pm

Kevin
I understand every word.

Permalink Reply by Jan on December 18, 2016 at 8:45am

As I'm trying to get ready for the day my husband's favorite version of A Christmas Carol comes on. It wasn't my favorite but we always watched together.  Suddenly, I started thinking of what we considered one of our best Christmas'. This was in the early 80's - everybody has their favorite veg clothes for staying around the house.  He had a pair of cut offs that were soooo ready for the dust rag job but he loved them and wore nothing else when he was just staying home - now I'm talking denim with see thru holes in places not everybody wanted to see!  He wouldn't give them up.  About 2 weeks before Christmas, I washed and hid them and wrapped them up.  He was not a happy camper when he couldn't find them and of course, I told him I didn't wear them so I had no idea what happened to them.  On Christmas morning we were unwrapping presents with the kids and we made sure that was the last thing he opened.  You would have thought he hit the lottery!  He dropped his drawers right there and put those rags on and wore them all day - even when the rest of the family came for dinner - not a pretty site to the rest but me and the kids knew how happy he was and that's all that mattered.  I can't help but sit here and smile as I remember his happiness.  What I wouldn't give to be able to hide something from him again.

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