Yesterday I played a CD of old 50s love songs in the car, and, all of a sudden, the memories of my husband's and my life as young lovers came flooding over me. I cried and cried and had to stop the car. I could actually FEEL the ache in my chest as I longed to relive those happy days.
The rest of the day was one of the worst I have spent in the 10 months that have passed since my husband's death. Nothing seemedto distract me from crying and being in despair. I went to bed and held up my arms asking, like in some Twilight Zone episode, to be pulled up and out of this world. Obviously, it didn't happen.
I am doing all the things that we are supposed to do: I get out, I volunteer, and I am trying to make friends, but none of it seems to fill the void. I miss my husband! I miss everything about him! I see my life as "PRETENDING"; I am not really here anymore; a pod person talks, smiles, and goes through the motions of the old me.
I hope we all get some peace soon; I truly yearn for it.

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Replies to This Discussion

Barbara my wife Mary has been gone 17 months and I pretty much live by myself but I have all the same feelings you do I don't know if it ever gets any better
I feel the same way. I lost my husband suddenly, this pastJune 4th. I feel very lost and haven't slept alone in my house. My children and grandchildren come over. I too am trying to go out a little. I was married 53 years and part of me died. I miss him so. I can't believe his gone. It happened too suddenly.

I know exactly know how you feel I feel the same way, I can't listen to "our" music too emotional, I have days like you described, crying hard and it's just a feeling that starts deep in my heart and about 2 days later, the flood of tears that lasts 4 or 5 days.  I fill my days spending time with my family or friends but I'm really just trying not to be alone.  I don't know how to be alone after 47 years of the happiest of marriages and an awesome husband and he wasn't even sick.

You will get some peace and sooner than you think.  It's done all in our own time but you can only live so long with this horrible pain.  I am getting better.  I cry for my John daily, I feel him in my life.  He would want me to go on and he would be proud of me.  I will love him until I die, I still hear his voice but I am slowly going forward, as you will.  I promise.

I died the same day as my lovley husband did, I feel so empty inside just going through the motions of living it's been 131 days without him we were happily married  for 48 years and I have known  him since I was 9, I'm lost and so alone nothing prepares you for this , a friend said to me the other day that she could see how much pain I am in as the sparkle I had in my eyes when I was with my husband was no longer there, at last someone who sees my pain xxx

I understand the yearning for the person you love. Every morning I wake up I look over and it takes me a minute to remember that he won't be lying here anymore. I was in the kitchen playing some songs by the isley brothers and remembering what those songs ment to us . I can almost here him singing along with the songs but now that will never happen again. It's been 7 weeks and I feel like he has been gone forever yet at the same time I remember every moment with him as if I just saw him. I love him so much and I feel like him dying is the cruelest thing that has happened. We had plans , we have little ones who won't have a father and there are places that he wanted to travel to things he wanted to experience but he never will.

It seems so unfair that our lives with our soul mates were such gifts and so rewarding,then in the latter years, they are taken away. We thought our older years were going to be a time to enjoy each other and do all the things we planned. The one left behind is now so alone, even when others are around since their mate was such an integral part of them.
Now the days that were supposed to be the "golden years" are painful and, much of the time, filled with despair and longing.
I wonder why the Lord could not have taken both of us at the same time. My husband (55 years this past August 5th) and I always said we would be lost with out the other.
Well, at least, death does not hold any fear for me now; I am ready to join my husband any time the Lord will allow it.

I hope he comes for me soon 

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