My dad was really too young to die. Some day's It doesn't even register to me that he is actually gone. I was so use to not speaking to my father before he passed....that not talking to him now isn't as hard as it would be for some people that just lost their dad. What hurt's is knowing all the things I wished I had said and now I can never tell him.... 

I ask myself why a lot.... my dad had just become an ordained minister and got his own church in 2012... i may not have agreed with all of his beliefs but he came along way from the drunk he use to be when i was a small child. He had so much to give and underneath all the religious stuff was a really good guy...we just did not see eye to eye on so many things the biggest being that I'm a lesbian and in my family's home this was not acceptable. Nothing I could have said would have ever changed his mind....he told me on numerous occasions that I would burn in hell for being a lesbian.... 19 and scared to loose my family the first time i ever came out I went back and forth with my sexuality in order to please my parents.

My Dad had divorced my biological mother when I was 8 and remarried when I was 9. My step-mother physically abused me and i came from a very strict biblical home. My dad was always my rock....all I ever wanted to do was make him proud, i disappointed him so many times.... lied and stole and he would always take up for me. Eventually he started siding with my step mother and every decision that was ever made (parenting wise) was based off the bible. I resented my father..in my mind he was such a pussy for letting my step mom beat me up, I had no idea how much I resented him over the years....

I miss my dad and even tho we had our issues I know he loved me and nothing or no one can ever take that away. For those of you who have lost your dad my heart goes out to you......your never alone and if ever you just want to talk i am here. 

Steph

Views: 164

Replies to This Discussion

me 2 miss my dad fr me its 2 yrs nxt wk so i feal a bit weid i feal wors thn 1st yr belbe it or not i do i dnt no ifs its coz iv lost so mny aftr him or no grif suprt wear i liv i no im not only 1 it as no grief suprt 

i no my dad woz not relgise e wz not but i feal bad wn i wz a kid/tean for stuff i did not gtng grt skl reprts sily stuff i did i no my reprt crd usd 2 say so easy led it did

i speak 2 my dads foto evy day i do letng him no i luv him i wish he wz still hear i only evr got grt reperts on art or serten sports i did wish nw i cnt do 2 a lot of ld ijrys i hav 

all i no ths pain of grief is soooooooooooo bad 

all i no at my dads funrell i wz lk a tolt zobbie cunts speak i cryed frm limo 2 cremtorim i did evn leving cremtorim i cryd i dnt thg iv stopt cryng on/off evr sisne 

it kills my hert in sde its lft me so brokekn heted coz my mum says i wz sush a daddys grl i no im not only 1 on hear

al i say im sory if im sayng wong thns i no iv bean told ts no rt way or wong way on ear

jo

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