"i miss mom so mush i do"
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Lost
On December 21, 2011, my Mom was shot and killed by her husband of 23 years. I can't seem to pick up the pieces. She consumes my every thought. I want to talk about her, the situation all the time. I feel like I have to hold back. After almost three months no one wants to hear about it anymore.
I want to shout from a roof top what happened. I want to entire world to know what was done to her and I want everyone to be as discussed by him as I am.
He was a coward that shot her from behind then took his own life. Somedays I wish he had been punshed and had to live with what he did the rest of life. Other days I'm glad he took his own life, because I couldn't imagine him being in the world and her gone.
I've been reading about the stages of grief and I can only say, that's my day. I experience a flurry of emotions throughout the day.
She didn't deserve that! She was a beautiul person with the best heart. I miss her everyday. I need to talk to her. I know she loved me, but I can't help myself...I wonder if she knew how much I loved her. I want that opportunity to tell her. My heart aches for her. I have an old voicemail that have listened to over and over, everyday. That way I feel like she's still there.
I don't feel like I'm really facing the lose. Most of the time I'm numb and I pretend it hasn't happened. I can't look at her picture, the reminder is too much for me to bare.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kandi Broussard on
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you could still be in the shock phase. Trust me when I tell you that after the shock wears off the next phase is more difficult to cope with. Please do not make any life changing decisions because you are probably not using your best judgment. I stayed in the shock phase for almost 9 months
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I am so sorry that you are experiencing this pain. It is the WORST thing I can think of
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Permalink Reply by Bonnie Elizabeth Fleming on
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Oh Amie,
Poor thing!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could hug you, I know only part of what you're going through--my older sister died suddenly on December 26, 2011, so our relatives died really close to the same time and I still feel very lost myself...my sister was kind of like a Mom to me, so there is that aspect of things too. My sister died of asthma complications, though, and not because she was murdered. Death is hard for any of us to deal with, but I think that murder must be particularly hard to accept or process. I also wonder if my sister KNEW to the core of her bones that I loved her. I think that might be something we all wonder a bit....if we managed to express our love enough so that our love one really "got" it. Maybe it will comfort you to know some of us feel the same sorts of things? One thing I can say is that it has helped me immensely to go see a counselor.....sometimes you need someone to help you process all the inner emotional backlash of things. We can help you online here...but sometimes there's just no substitute for having that understanding ear right there with you. I'll be praying for you, for peace and comfort and...for increasing times when you feel less numb and lost!
Hugs
Beth
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Hello Amie - I feel for you. I will say a prayer for you. I have a similiar story. Here is mine:
My Father murdered my Mother in March of 2012. He was suicidal. He never mentioned hurting my Mom. He was on a lot of anti-psychotic drugs and depression medicine. His act has changed my life and my two sisters. I used to be really happy, but now find it hard to smile or be joyful. I want to know how to get unstuck. My two sisters seem to be dealing with this better than me. I am on leave from work and sleep most days away. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and counselor. I am consumed with grief, pain and depression. My Father tried to commit suicide by cop- but they tased him. He has been in a mental hospital for 180 days. I am lost.
I also can not face reality and don't feel like I'm really facing the lost of my Mom. I also day dream and pretend it hasn't happened. My sisters have faced it and are doing okay-not great, but okay. I suffer every day. I guess we both have to strive to get our lives back. Our Moms would want that. Have a great night!
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