Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on August 5, 2011 at 6:27pm

Hello, Adrianna. I too lost my husband recently. And would like to be able to share our experiences. I am first timer here, and want to be able to meet wifes whom have lost their husbands too, and understand each other. For me, it is a constant daily, every minute struggle to adjust to this "new" life. I cant stop to think why?, why? me, why us. Why cant I have my "old" life back, with my husband on it, what was wrong with it? nothing was wrong, it was perfect in my view. I miss him so so much too. I have trouble adapting to everything on my own now. From one day to another my life changed 360 degrees. 

I too wish sooooo much that my husband will be here with me. That all of this would just be a long bad dream, nightmare that i want to wake up from. It is so hard to go through this. I pray that my husband helps me to learn how to live without him?.

 

Look forward to your reply.

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Permalink Reply by adriana gonzalez on August 5, 2011 at 6:34pm

Hi amanda.. I'm so sorry for your lost :( ... Trust me everything that you said is exactly how I'm feeling!! Why him? Why us?? I can't believe I'm going thru this.. There's no day that I don't miss my husband!.. We had our problems but no matter what I loved him with all my heart..it just hurts so much knowing that no matter what there's nothing that could bring them back :( he was so young n had a lot going on for him! It makes me so sad that he didn't get to do everything he wanted..

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on August 6, 2011 at 7:54pm

yes. so young. so much to look forward to. And i feel, that they took away the opportunity to do so much. To spend time with our son and with me. I feel that I am not myself anymore. As if I am someone different. And this someone different, is someone I do not know. I dont know how to now be a mother and father to my son. I have never felt so much anger and hate towards this person who killed my husband. I also do not know how to be without my husband, how to be a widow! Because, I honestly can say, that I did imagine myself spending the rest of my life with him, growing old, I would always say to him, that I will never be able to live without him. And now, I am living but I feel as if I was also killed from the inside. My heart aches.  For me it is really hard at nights. They feel so empty and lonely, not having me next to me.

 

Hopefully, we can each share things that will help each other out. What routines do you now have? What do you do on weekends or weekdays?. I would like to share your toughts. I hope we can help each other out. 

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Permalink Reply by Laura on August 5, 2011 at 10:22pm

  I agree..It was my Dad that I lost and he was the main male figure in my life..so we were very close. He lived a long life but it doesn''t matter. It still is a great loss..maybe even greater bc I did have him so long .He was my rock. He was a good listener..loving man..good sense of humor and loved life. My body sunk into a hole of sadness that I can't get out. I go through the motions every day to stay in the world.but then I think why?

I might have one hour of being distracted only to come back to 23 more of pain. I don't have the answers.. I just came

here to find a place to relate to others who might be in a similar place. One friend to me said..He wouldn't want you to

be so sad. No, he wouldn't..but that doesn't change things. I am sad and I might be til the day I see him again. I hope not

I wish not..I pray not..I am just saying what is real. I don't share that to make you feel worse..I admit my feelings about it..just to say I  get it. For some it can get easier..but for others of us..I think your title says the other way in which is can go and that is "harder". laura PS You have a beautiful name..I hope for you also that things will not always be this way.

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Permalink Reply by adriana gonzalez on August 5, 2011 at 10:35pm

@laura yes i know... everybody says youll be alright ..u have to be strong but nobody knows the feeling till u go thru it.... n like you 1 hour im ok the rest is bad!! .... im taking xanaz to help me but it still doesnt take the pain away!!1 nothing will n life will never be the same!!!... we had just bought a house .. for being both 28 we were doing really good.. n that day he died i feel like i lost everything!! sorry about your lost too.. i can only imagine how you feel :(

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Permalink Reply by Bianca on August 8, 2011 at 2:29pm

It is the most awful feeling, and once I got on here, I just can't believe how many people are losing their loved ones. I like to believe that they are going ahead of us to pave the path for us when the times comes, but I'm still in excruciating pain, it's a void that can't be filled, a need that can't be met. You can get thru one day and then what...... there's a whole new day to get thru. Now I understand that we may not have tomorrow so trying to take it one minute at a time. I don't have a routine yet, and that's making the days even longer but I don't feel like I'm ready to function in a work environment, but once I can work it will make time pass. And my kids keep me busy. I am still and will always be in love with my dear, sweet Fred and my heart died with him. It's just me and my kids from here on out. I try not to think about how lonely my life will be.

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Permalink Reply by adriana gonzalez on August 8, 2011 at 8:08pm

yes bianca i know..the pain we have will never go away... were going to live with a hole in our heart.. we have no choice but to do this for our kids .. but i can understand what youre saying.. is the same with me just taking it one day at a time.. we cant believe how many people are here that have lost a loved one .. until it happend to us.. now were going thru this..now were here.. for a reason.. that we dont understand but i just hope god gives us that streght to make it... do u have a facebook??

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on August 8, 2011 at 11:24pm

You girls are right, I too, take it day by day. Everyone that asks me, how are you doing? that is all I say, day by day. I dont make plans or rather say, I dont have any plans ahead, just take this day by day. Its hard for me to adapt to being alone with our son from now on.  i mean how do you come to terms from one day to the other, from having your husband and father to your children and us being moms. To now, being here alone with our children and no father, and no love of our lives. But somehow,  yes, we must  pull forward and do this for our children, whom are the result of the love we each shared with our partners.

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Permalink Reply by adriana gonzalez on August 9, 2011 at 12:01am

We all understand each other cause were going thru the same thing.. Nobody knows until they go thru it.. So how could they tell us to be strong? The only thing that has help me a lot is going to church n my family..but no matter what ofcourse life will never be the same.. I just keep asking myself how do we pull forward? Is hard making decisions.. Right now were lost.. N hopefully god will guide us there ..

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Permalink Reply by Annette Dominguez on August 10, 2011 at 10:02am

Hi everyone. I lost my husband on 1/1/11. And I still miss him so much everyday. I still cry most days. I miss his smile, his hugs, the funny faces he used to make. I don't know how long this grief will last. It seems like I will never be able to stop crying. I don't like this new Normal. It hurts so much. It helps to just put all this in words to vent these feelings. I know God is carrying me. But I want my husband back here with me. We were supposed to grow old together.

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Permalink Reply by adriana gonzalez on August 10, 2011 at 10:10am

Hi annette.. How can I tell u to be strong if I can't be myself..yes that's the dream I believe we all had .. Grow old with them..it hurts knowing everything is all gone. Our hopes ..our dreams.. I miss my husband too.. U know at times I wonder why but really we will never have answers for that .

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Permalink Reply by Linda McDonnell on August 15, 2011 at 6:50pm

I can't begin to understand your loss as I was never married.  But I feel for you.  I lost my mother on May 13th.  It was her time, she had lived a long time but it doesn't ease the grief.  I lived with her most of my life for one reason or another.  I was her care giver in later years and never had a life of my own.  Now I don't know where to turn. 

 

I agree, I feel like I can't do it anymore, that I don't matter and I wish I wasn't here. 

 

Please don't misunderstand, i am not comparing my grief to yours as a husband/wife relationship is so much closer and harder to deal with the loss.  My heart goes out to you.  I wish you peace.  I knnow it's hard to find

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