Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Christine on July 20, 2014 at 4:02pm

thanks for sharing

Permalink Reply by cindy parrott on November 8, 2010 at 6:41pm

i generally say i'm ok also. i have a lady that i work with that lost her 14 yr old son 5 years ago and sometimes she will ask are you really ok? i know it's tthat i can tell her how i'm feeling. i think most people want to hear that you are coping. they don't want to know when youre really feeling bad.
i have good days ok days and days where i can hardly function.
what i really hate is the look of pity i get sometimes when they ask the question.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on November 8, 2010 at 7:53pm

Greetings Cindy. I am once again sorry for your loss. Maybe when people ask how you are feeling, you should tell them how you are really feeling. Do not sugar coat it. I use to worry about making others feel uncomfortable but I don't anymore. Someone that sincerely cares about you and your well-being, won't take it personal. When someone asks me how I am feeling, I just answer I am NOT well, my heart is broken and I want my son back, I want this nightmare to end. Sometimes I tell them that I am in alot of pain. If someone asks me what they can do to help me, I just say give me a hug or just tell them thanks for listening. Sometimes I tell them there is nothing they can do for me. When people say that it will get "better" with time and they haven't lost a child, I ask them how do they know that. Take care from Karen R.

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on May 27, 2011 at 12:44pm

i always just say fine because i am tierd of the sympothy.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on May 27, 2011 at 3:33pm

Greetings Melissa, you are right, sometimes it can be draining. I prefer to talk to others that are unfortunately in my shoes. This site really "helps" in that sense.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on June 18, 2011 at 12:38pm

Hey Norma, I know exactly how you feel. I use to never worry about making anyone feel uncomfortable about my responses to the dreadful question, "how are you?".  I always answered truthfully, I would say I'm destroyed, I am NOT "ok" and will NEVER be "ok". Sometimes I would answer that I feel dead inside, or that I feel fu@!ed up!  Some would be shocked by my answers but sometimes I would want to scream and say" how do you think I feel, can you give me my son back?"!!  Now, depending on my mood, I usually say that I could be better, I still NEVER say that I am "ok". At this point, those words could not come out of my mouth because I am truly not ok. You are right about it being hard to explain to others who are not experiencing the same thing, I just ask them to imagine losing their child, then see them laying in a casket, then watch your child be burried and not be able to hold them or here their voice again and guess what, they all say , no, they can NOT imagine. People don't understand that even when they don't see my tears on the outside, there are always tears flowing in he inside. Who knows, maybe one day I really will feel that I am OK.

Thanks for listening, again.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on June 18, 2011 at 7:04pm

Thanks Norma, this whole thing is sad. This is the ugly side of life. You are right about being able to share our feelings without being judged or forced to explain. Thanks for the hugs, I sure need alot of them....keep 'em comin!

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Kolve on August 23, 2011 at 8:31am

You are so right!!! It seems no matter how they "think" they understand, no one really can, unless they have gone through it too!!! I have been truthful and thought I had understanding and supportive ppl at work but I think my honesty is going to have me looking for another job. I am just going on my 2nd yr of losing my 16 yr. old son. Yesterday his friends were playing basketball. There were 4 of them and Jordan was always the 5th. They were together all the time!!! I waved to them and they waved back, but I couldn't even get back home before the tears came. How do we get through this terrible pain??? It's NOT FAIR!!!

Permalink Reply by Monica Green on August 14, 2011 at 6:37pm

When my son first gained his angel wings I would say I was ok just so they would leave me alone.  As time passed I decided to quit sugar coating.  IF....I saw anyone and they asked me that I would say...."I'm trying to take it minute by minute.  If they persisted to ask how I REALLY was I would say...."I'm not good.  I'm not even ok.  I don't like this new life that I am suppose to start living and I just wished everything could go back to the way it was."  There were other times I would just say it as straight up as I felt it to be...."This just fucking SUCKS!".

Sorry if I offended anyone.  I am just saying what I feel.  People will say....he is in a better place....I do agree.  This world sucks.  I know my Cameron is watching over me...guiding me...I know this only because I am not this strong mentally to be able to do this on my own.  In a perfect world I would go to sleep and never wake up and we would be together again.  Selfish to say?....probably.  But I feel no need to make this situation what it isn't.  Without my little man here with me I am lost.  I am sad and I miss him so very very much.

Monica

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 14, 2011 at 8:22pm

Hey Monica, so sorry for the loss of your son, I understand all too well. I agree that this world sucks!  In a perfect world, no one would know such pain. What's good about a parent burying their child?  I feel like someone is playing a cruel joke on me, there's nothing funny about it! How could the loss of my son ever be "OK" with me? I do not think that you are selfish but hopefully you have others that still need you and would be devastated if you passed away. Trust me, I understand, I have been there, I was going to take my prescription sleeping pills and Xanax and end my pain until something my youngest child said to me that stopped me. I decided that I wouldn't want to cause her any more pain. I just remain broken.    Thanks to all for listening.

Permalink Reply by Monica Green on August 15, 2011 at 5:01pm

BROKEN.....that is a perfect word for us now.  Just flat out BROKEN. 

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Kolve on August 23, 2011 at 8:35am

Sooo true Monica!!! That's a good answer!!! So many times the tears just come and I can't control them or when it happens! People who know me will say, "what's wrong" or "what happened???" I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM AND SAY "MY SON IS DEAD, YOU IDIOT!!! Sorry, I don't mean to seem harsh but they just don't get it!

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