Ok, seems to be working.
I really only have only my brother as far as family goes. I do have a cousin I'd like to be closer with. Haven't talked to Mom's side of the family in years. I fear losing my brother and being all alone.

Have you considered a counselor? I have one and I see her every week. It's good to have that outlet.

My grief seems to come in waves now. I'll do ok for a day or two, then bam! It smashes into me. I have physical pain. I have those nights where I just cry. Don't think i could possibly have any tears left. And it brings the grief over my Dad up harder again.

I'm going to try and post this now. Hopefully it will work.