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Comment by Brett Bowman on August 3, 2019 at 9:54am

I wouldn't feel to bad about that Theresa. I have silently said goodbye to a lot of friends. People are insulated. As long as things are going fine in their world, whatever happens to you just isn't that big of a deal. It's eye opening. A couple of months ago when I was going through all of that mess, I became bitter. I remember calling my aunt to tell her what had happened. Within 20 seconds she was telling me about her daughters vacation to Sedona. It just didn't register with her. When my dog started to have so many physical issues, there were people who said to me, "Why don't you just put her down?" It's sickening. There is a big family gathering today in my hometown. I'm not going. None of those folks were there for me. They disappeared when my mom died. I don't hate them, or even dislike most of them, but they weren't there for me. I wish them well, but I wish them well from over here.

I've seen too much. I have felt too much. I will gladly do anything I can for a stranger, but the facts are, too many people from my past weren't there for me. I could be homeless and  they may say, "Poor Brett." But they wouldn't do anything about it. They would just go on living their insulated lives.

Have I become bitter? Maybe, but it is so important to be honest with yourself and acknowledge what you feel.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 3, 2019 at 5:52am

Thank you, Sue.

Comment by Theresa on August 3, 2019 at 5:51am

If it’s hot maybe just sit outside on your deck/patio with Her after she has done her business. I live in an apartment and I sit outside with Darby each morning. When I read what you and Sue have written I think I’m 10 times worse I’m so beside myself that my dog is getting older and he will not be here one day that I’m getting sick my mother always told me stop worrying you will get sick it’s affecting my stomach my health and I try hard to make it Stop but I put all of my time and love into this dog for 12 years. I don’t treat my dog like a dog I treat my dog like he is part of my family and I probably shouldn’t say this the other day I said I missed my mother my husband said she died years ago people die every day I was like you know what you wait you wait your mom is still here some people have no compassion no understanding and he’s one of them I guess we all have faults
A friend from where are used to live texted me a week ago letting me know his mom has passed I told him I was sorry he sent me all the funeral arrangements and what time and all of that you know what I did nothing no card not a thing because that’s is exactly what he did for me I hate to be like that my mother would not want me to be but I’m sorry there’s plenty of my friends out there who totally brushed off when my mom passed away like I said what comes around goes around I’m just glad I have you guys to talk to

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 2, 2019 at 10:57pm

She's 13. Today I took her for a real long walk before I left. She wasn't crying when I came home tonight. That doesn't mean she didn't cry. I don't know. Walking her that far seems like a good idea but she is really old and it may be too much for her. She sort of gave out three quarters of the way through. It's really hot here.

I had a real scare tonight. It has been raining really hard here. On my way home tonight, the police had every main road blocked off because of flooding. I had to try several different ways to get home. Mostly I was just worried about not being able to get to her. She has to have insulin twice a day. The idea of losing her is too much. I know it has to happen some day. It would be hard enough, even if my mom were still alive, but it will be so much worse without my mom. This dog is about that last piece of my mom that I have left. I can close my eyes and still hear my mom baby talking her.

It is always something, Theresa. And unfortunately, it seems like the most sacred things in my life are the things that are most vulnerable. I'm tired. I have been soul sick for the last three and a half years.  

Comment by Theresa on August 2, 2019 at 8:10pm

That is so hard to hear especially when you are leaving.
Is this a recent thing?
How old is she again?
It seems as though it’s always something new every day
I am agonizing over watching my boy get old. Before I always had my mom there for support and now I don’t. I feel so anxious all the time. I’m scared to face losing him all alone without her here telling me it will be ok

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 2, 2019 at 1:54pm

Yeah, I am having a problem as well. All of a sudden my dog has started to cry from the time I leave to work until the time I come home. She sounds like a coyote. She bays. My neighbors have been telling me about it. I live in an apartment. This can't go on forever. Life is hard enough right now without having the fear of losing my dog. I wouldn't get rid of her. I would never do that, but if I just go to another apartment the same thing will happen. I don't know what to do. The little dog doesn't realize that, if she really misses me that much, this is the worst possible move. Not only that. I hate the idea of her being so sad. I am going to take her to the vet next week. Maybe  they can help. There is just so much guilt for me. I used to feel so bad when I had to leave my mom to go to work. Mom needed me at home before I became her full time caretaker. Now, I just walk out the door and all I hear is crying. It's heartbreaking. 

Sue, I am with you today.

Comment by Theresa on August 2, 2019 at 8:42am

Thank you Sue. I will remember you also 

Comment by Theresa on August 2, 2019 at 7:17am

Sue  I know exactly how you feel I still cry three years later it just hits me so hard some days I just try to keep going 1 foot in front of the other I’m getting ready to leave for church letting you know I’m thinking about you and everyone on here 

Comment by Theresa on July 18, 2019 at 5:01am

Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to.

As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called home.

Some days are painful, I find that most days I'm not happy, but I pray for God to give me strength.

Comment by Brett Bowman on July 17, 2019 at 11:18pm

Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time on this earth is over, just like my mom. And I know that there is only one way that I can be with my mom again, and that is to live my life to its natural conclusion. That means that one day I'm going to die, too. That's kind of a cold slap in the face. I mean, we have always known that we were going to die one day, but that reality becomes a lot more clear and real when the people that we love most start to disappear. I have to get past the fact that I want what I can't have. I want my mom back, right here next to me. It just doesn't work that way.

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