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Comment by Brett Bowman on June 13, 2019 at 1:27pm

It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you.

Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will listen for a minute and then she will start talking about her grand kids latest accomplishments, or about a vacation that her kids are taking. I am not afforded grief.

Sometimes we have to take this walk alone. There are people who have a wonderful support system. God Bless them. There are others who do not. I come here from time to time because I know that the people here understand. I hope to offer a listening ear to others as well. I can't be where you are and put my arm around you, but I can sure listen, and I sure do understand.

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 13, 2019 at 11:01am

Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important to face them head on. It sounds like you are.

Comment by Avi on June 13, 2019 at 2:25am

I agree Brett. It is mainly the guilt. Thanks for the nice words

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 13, 2019 at 1:20am

After my mom died I came to a sad reality. It didn't really matter who reached out to me. I mean, it certainly helped to have a shoulder to lean on, but the only person I really wanted to talk to was my mom. I can't have that. We can't have that.

Avi, what you are talking about is two fold. One: It's hard to have a good time because we remember what we have lost, and it can hit you right in the middle of a good belly laugh. Grief has a very long reach. Two: And this is most unfortunate, is the frequent guilt that accompanies grief. It's one thing for me to say to myself, "How can I be having a good time without mom?" I can live with that. It's when I start feeling guilt about all of the things I think I should have done. Hindsight is 20/20. I can't have the old days back. I hope and pray that we all can let go of the lingering, ever present grief that we have. We can learn from our mistakes, but we cannot go back and make them right. Mom's have strong shoulders. If ever I let my mom down, she loved me with all of her heart knowing full well that I was a long way from perfect. It's that unconditional love that I miss the most.

Comment by Avi on June 13, 2019 at 12:04am

I also feel alone in a room full of people, even in parties and celebrations. My inner conscious does not allow me to enjoy.

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 12, 2019 at 10:48pm

Theresa and I lost our moms the same week. I'm glad that someone else understands how I feel, and it's nice to know that we are not alone, but to Sel's point, in a lot of ways I could feel alone in a room full of loving people. No one can replace our moms. 

Comment by SelV on June 12, 2019 at 7:49pm

Dear Theresa...after four years, you are still crying for your mother every day. I feel you and appreciate the undying love you have for your mother. Understanding, knowing and realizing that our mothers have left us is just as painful as to accept their absence...they will not come back. For some of us here, she was the ONLY reason...I am not looking to change that status for now. I am alone together with my mother's memories, her belongings wherever I am. My pining and yearning for my mother will continue...till my last breath.

Yoga does help. Best wishes to you.

Comment by Theresa on June 12, 2019 at 5:14am

Hi everyone.
SelV it will be four years from my mother in December I cry every day I pray and I cry I just have come to the realization that this will be the way it is for me I will miss her forever she was all I had she was my strength
Brett and Avi. I think about you all the time it seems if you have a type of distraction it occupies your mind for a short while but when that distraction is done you start to think again and you go over things again I just started back practicing yoga it helps my mind greatly I hope everyone is having a good summer so far where I live we’ve been lucky it hasn’t been raining as much as it did last year but it still rains I think I’m more than it needs to
I hope everyone is doing OK and thinking about everybody God bless

Comment by SelV on June 12, 2019 at 3:42am

Hello everyone...come 15 June, it will be 15 months since my mother transited. But I have not transited from the grief and trauma of watching my mother die. How to? And never day/night goes by where I do not cry.

Avi and Brett, tears certainly ease my pain a little. but can never make me accept my mother's death no matter what!

Similar to Brett, my mother was more than a mother to me...she was my world...the reason for my existence!!

Good day to all!!!

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 11, 2019 at 10:45pm

Tears can be a great comfort. They can be such a wonderful expression of love. And it may all be in my head, but I feel that God, and even my mom are closest to me when I cry for her. Sometimes a good cry is the best release. 

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