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Comment by Avi on March 12, 2019 at 12:24pm

1. Guilt- Not taking care of her enough. Leaving her for months as the circumstances were hostile. Shouting on her during her treatment. 

2. Regrets- Not talking to my mom enough when she was alive. Taking her for granted. 

I will live with these guilt and regrets through my life. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 2, 2019 at 1:56pm

Theresa, I'm trying as well, but this is something that my mom and I had talked about. Mom wanted me to go on with a smile on my face. If it had been me who had died, I know that it would have haunted my mom the same as her death is haunting me. 

Living your life is one thing. Being happy is something else. It remains to be seen if I can get that back. It's the unconditional love that cannot be replaced. And beyond that, people are like snowflakes, no two people are the same. My mom was my favorite person. There's no one else like her.

Comment by SelV on March 2, 2019 at 7:25am

1. Guilt- There were times when my mother drove me up the walls and I would raise my voice against her but I would always apologise to her afterwards and would reconcile with her. 

2. Regrets- The night before my mother passed on, I called my sister and had a discussion with her. I decided to take time off from work to take care of my mother full-time and change her diet as she was rejecting solid food. My mother was actually seated close by as I spoke with my sister. None of these plans materialised as she passed on the next day. 

3. Unconditional love and care- I miss that and only my mother could give that. 

Guilt, regrets and missing my mother's love - reasons why I do not feel better. 

Comment by Theresa on March 2, 2019 at 5:44am

Yes I still cry probably too much, but I do realize I have to go on and live my life, take care of my senior dog and keep going.

Sometimes it hits me really hard, I'll turn off the radio in the car and start talking to my mom, thinking my gosh days, months, years went by but everything is still fresh in my mind.  I go over things and question myself, why didn't I do this or why didn't I do that.  Too late, I guess I was in shock.  That was for about a year, in a fog.

I stopped practicing yoga, because I just don't feel like going, which I have to go back because mentally it was lifesaver for me.  In that studio the only thing on my mind was me, the mat and peace, and of course the 110 degree heat.

I read here everyday, I say to myself I know I get it, its hard it always will be for me, she was all I had, she was my strength.  

I remember many times her saying to me you have to live your life sweetheart.  

I'm trying mom......

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 1, 2019 at 10:45pm

I sure know that feeling. I was thinking about this today. I have faith that my mom is in heaven. And, yes I would rather be in heaven with my mom than be here. But here's the really sad things. Even if there is nothing after we die, I would prefer that to being without my mom.

I'm going to see my life through until my last natural breath, but I would honestly rather not be here. That's not the way it's suppose to be, but that's how I feel. I'm just here for my dog. When she's gone, I hope I will find another reason to get up in the morning.

Comment by SelV on March 1, 2019 at 7:01pm

The dawn of March...last two weeks of Mum's life on Earth. And grief became my companion thereafter. Half a century living with that woman who carried me in her womb and now life without her has become meaningless for me. Life without my mother, my best friend, my little world...is just mere existence in this big world. Functioning better does not equate to feeling better.  All I want is to be with my mother again. I am choking.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 28, 2019 at 12:07am

Avi, I have been thinking about your post all day.  And I do not want you to feel like you are alone at all. There's not a day that goes by, not an hour when I don't think about my mom. And I think for people like me and Theresa, days have become years. Sadly there comes a time when we see this as the new normal. But three years is still early where grief is concerned. I am always hoping that as time goes on this may get a little easier. And I think there will be times when it feels that way, and then other times when reality slaps us right in the face. For me, I just miss my mom. The guilt has subsided because I loved her SO much, and she knew that. Your mom knows that, too. Missing her still hasn't stopped though. The only thing that I can think of that would make me feel batter is my mom, and I can't have that. So, know that you are not alone. We may be an ocean apart, but I am grieving right next to you.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 27, 2019 at 12:37pm

That's all it takes, Avi. Just one thing that makes you want to get up in the morning. That's a good start.

Comment by Avi on February 27, 2019 at 12:28pm

Hi All, 

Today I again cried remembering my mother. I miss her so much and feels devastated sometimes. My daughter is my motivation to live. 

Comment by Theresa on February 20, 2019 at 5:44am

I envy people also Brett that have a loving support system to help them through what we are going through.

God is love and he wants us to be compassionate and kind, and he will always be by our side.

I believe that

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