Rebecca - I don’t know if I was imagining it or if I just can’t find it, but I thought I sent you a reply. I’ve been offline for a bit as I was helping a friend get to appointments out of town. I wanted to make sure I had enough time to sit down and send a proper message. 

Regardless, I’m grateful you had quality time with your beloved Grams and Dad. It is indeed heartbreaking when we see our loved ones deteriorate from bad health to their loss. 

I just wanted to let you know I didn’t forget about you, I’m just behind on correspondence. 

Thinking of you still...

Frances

Awww - I know you will cherish that special time you had during the years he was healthier. Isn’t it odd that the things we hated don’t seem so bad when we realize it connected us to the ones we love? 

I practically begged my mom to move in with us sooner. She had bypass surgery years ago and had stents in about 2012. I wanted to help manage her diabetes and heart issues better, but she wanted to live by herself as long as possible. Once she even began to prepare to move closer and backed out. It was very upsetting for me. 

My two sisters and I talked about it often, like how to try to push the subject of her moving in with one of us. My oldest sister already had her own health issues and my youngest sister has 3 children. It just made sense for mom to move in with us as our house is already handicap accessible for my husband.

Finally our chance to get her out of her apartment came when she ended up in the hospital  in 2014. The three of us girls decided to clean her apartment really good before she came home. We soon found out the whole apartment building had been fighting bedbugs. That was our ticket to get her to my house. You can’t imagine how happy I was to finally have her. As a middle child I always felt that my mom was too busy for me. I can’t blame her because she was very busy - but as an adult I had thought I finally have the chance to spend time with her. I planned how we would cook together and do our grocery shopping, plant flowers, sit on the porch and so on. The dementia came in about March and took her so fast. I never knew that it could be fatal. 

I wish my mom liked to read as much as your Grams. She lost interest in everything. 

I’m sorry you have lost your stepmother too. 

Awww - those are indeed nice memories! I agree, it’s not the same when we have just the memories but it kind of soothes me when I think about them, even if it brings some laughter or something sad back to mind. 

My mom took our daughters room for the first couple of months. It was like “ a girls clubhouse” . We watched tv and just talked about things. I thought I finally have my mom to myself. But then she began to display more health issues. She began to forget how to feed herself and how to do the simplest things. Like you, I miss watching our tv shows together. 

Yeah, I don’t get how people can just stop talking about someone that has been a part of their lives. 

Good Evening Rebecca, 

Lol - my grandmother did the same. Her name was Alma Ruth but she liked Ruth better. I love that name, it’s old fashioned. 

I honestly feel your sadness over missing your dad but on account of my mom. I miss watching old movies with her or just talking. It’s weird because my siblings hardly ever talk about our parents even though I’m sure they miss our mom. Our dad passed away when we were young and so we didn’t have a lot of memories of him. But it’s like now that she’s gone, we don’t speak about it. Maybe it’s because we have a Bible based hope of seeing her and our other loved ones again on a Paradise Earth that we don’t bring it up. It’s like our broken hearts are content until that time arrives. 

Do you have a favorite memory of your dad or grandmother? 

You are very welcome Rebecca - I need this too...

May you have peace,

Frances

Rebecca - the trip is next summer, so I have a whole year to save for it. 

Your grandmother’s name was Frances too? At first I didn’t really like my name, but I do now. I was named after my grandfather, Francis LaSavoie Hoffman. 

As I mentioned before, if you ever decide that you can stand to have a grieving buddy, I’m generally available. Just someone to reminisce over good and not so good memories, express our concerns or just to share our experiences. It’s not a bother. 

Sincerely,

Frances