Comment

Comment by bluebird on August 12, 2018 at 6:12pm

Just to be clear -- I only meant that it's good that your children are with you, and that therefore your wife is too, in a way.

Comment by bluebird on August 12, 2018 at 6:11pm

Jeff,

I'm sorry, it must be so difficult with the children. At the same time, they are also part of her, so in that way it's good. My husband died shortly before his 42nd birthday; I was 44. My life ended the moment his did. 

Of course your family and friends want you to be/feel "better", but remember that you are under no obligation to fake being better for their sake. If they really want to help you, they will not try to force you to "move on" unless/until you are ready to do so.  Of course you need to try not to act too sad/depressed around your children, as they need your strength right now, but IMHO you don't need to put on an act around the adults. If you are going to heal at all, you need to be able to do so at your own pace, not at a pace dictated or preferred by anyone else. I'm sure your family members love you, but they need to understand this as well.

Comment by Jeff Tice on August 12, 2018 at 11:09am

Thank you Nancy for the kind words. I'm sorry 06to hear about your husband. My wife's grandfather passed away 17 years ago due to cancer that progressed quickly too and I watched her struggle with the grief. I know that your experience is quite a bit different with your husband but I understand how bad cancer can be. I can relate to your experience with family as mine want to see me getting "better" so I generally put on a happy face when in public. Meanwhile, I break down once I'm home and the kids are asleep. I've never found being happy to be so exhausting before. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family as well.

Comment by Nancy on August 11, 2018 at 9:48am

I'm so sorry for your loss Jeff.  I hope you will find support and comfort on this site and what I have appreciated here is being able to say whatever I feel and not be judged.  I lost my husband of 43 years last May and I am trying to find my new normal.  Many people I work with and even my family (not my kids) think I should have " moved on" since it's been a year.  He was only sick for 7 months and during that time we were fighting the cancer with treatment.  It was until 3 weeks before he passed that I knew it was futile. So I believe for me I have just within the last months begun to grieve after getting thru the shock of it all.  What I appreciate on this site is knowing others have the same feelings and do not expect there is some standard for grieving.  I am sending you and your small children my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Jeff Tice on August 10, 2018 at 5:25pm

My wife Jennifer passed away on July 15 this year and every day that's followed has been filled with tidal waves of emotions.  One moment I seem to be doing okay and the next I feel hopelessly lost.  There are so many facets of this that I'm trying to deal with.  I'm only 47, so the idea of going the rest of my life without her feels like looking up a cliff face knowing that I somehow have to climb it.  We have two children (a one year old and a six year old) that I am now raising on my own.  My wife stayed home because we had always planned on raising our own children instead of a daycare and we were fortunate enough to be able to do it.  Now that's not even an option.  I keep looking back at our past and all the things we meant to do, but now we never will.  To top it off I go through moments where I don't even know how to make it through a day.  Fortunately I have family, friends, and our church to help which I don't has been great, but the hardest problem is something that nobody can help with.  I feel like ever since my wife passed there is a gaping hole in my chest where my heart was.  We were together for almost twenty years and married for almost 19.  She was the person who completed me and now that she's gone I don't feel whole.  I know that time will make things easier, but for now seems impossible to imagine.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 6, 2018 at 4:17pm

Tomorrow is Nat'l Lighthouse Day, I will visit the St. Augustine Lighthouse where I have two pavers in his memory.We both loved Lighthouses and have walked many through our life together, now I walk alone.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 5, 2018 at 7:15am

Trina,

Beautiful picture of you both, he is very handsome, we are both still married.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 4, 2018 at 8:08pm

This is how I will always remember the love of my life Joseph: like a ray of sunshine, always smiling, happy, loving, caring, generous, and so handsome. I will love you forever, Joseph! Till we meet again.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 4, 2018 at 8:06pm

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 2, 2018 at 5:41pm

Trina,

Thanks so much for caring, I love all the people on this site. There is no judging you, only kindness

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