Comment

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 24, 2018 at 6:45am

Vickie,

Sorry for loss. I will honest with you that I'm still lost and will always remain lost without my Husband Julian, who passed away 5/5/2013.

 

Comment by Vickie lemoigne ecklund on July 24, 2018 at 12:26am

I lost my husband 8 months ago I want him back so bad, I'm so alone .yet I got people around but I don't talk to them I want him I trust him I'm so pissed at him for leaving me all alone, he was my rock my everything. I'm always going to be lost?

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 21, 2018 at 9:28am

Hi Morgan,

As you always do in your posts, you take the words right out of my mouth. 

Linda

Comment by morgan on July 20, 2018 at 10:19pm

Before this nightmare I myself would never have imagined how debilitating the loss of a spouse is. Tracy B 2014

I thought I would be able to focus on my career to help me heal, but I don't even like going to work any more. At home, I can't get motivated to tidy up the house or do laundry or cook. P W 2012

Do things at your own pace. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. Ever. Amy 2011

ther are so many things that were just so simple that meant so much Jessie 2016

I hate to admit this but I really dislike being around couples . Couples around my age or older couples because they have something I never will. Angela Renter 2016
He died in my arms...I'm miserable. It's been yrs, I'm still miserable. On antidepressants, anti anxiety, and gained 30 pounds. I'm obsessed with dying now.Alicia 2016

I came to this site to connect with people that are going through what I am. Everyone that does not understand loves to give me advice, but they have no clue what this feels like. I literally do not feel like a person anymore. I don't know how to do this. I lost everything they day he passed, I feel the deepest sorrow for him. I can not believe I will never talk, touch or see him in this life. I sometimes like to pretend that he will be back, just so I can get through the day. But the clock never stops and he never walks through the door. I guess, I just want to know how do I do this, how do I live a lifetime without my love. Courtney B 2014

These are all from prior posters. I do wonder how all these people are doing since many of them are years ago. I am hopeful many of them we able to reconstruct their lives since I copied these from the discussion amongst mainly young widowers. And yet I think so much of what they wrote are all the typical reactions whether young or old. I am after five years six months (tomorrow) still in much the same emotional shape as day one. I look and present better on the outside but the absence of my husband is always with me. My ups are somewhat better because I have tried to honor my limits in dealing with the world but my downs are unbelievable painful. Just need to come here often and know I am not alone.......

Comment by Crystal Parker on July 19, 2018 at 1:33am

Hi guys I lost my husband January 30th 2017 .. he committed suicide by our house. Night is still a struggle for me I know its still hard for our kids too but sometimes I dont know how to be or act .. he did all the Bill's and went to work I took care of the kids and the house I dont know anything about Bill's or APR's and taxes he did all this stuff I just dunno I'm just blabbering on I guess ..

Comment by M Adams on July 18, 2018 at 3:22pm

Geraldine, so sorry for all that you are going through -- the desire for images and manifestations of those we've lost to death does seem to be something that many of the bereaved experience.  I really resonate with the urge to recapture my time with my husband -- at this point, two years later, I have surrounded myself with photos and other souvenirs that give me some comfort and context.  I also make a point of wearing things he gave me and even some of his sweaters, for the sense of connection.  These behaviours might seem odd or obsessive to some people, but photos, jewelry, and clothing choices are generally not very noticeable and I think they help me.  Very hard that beautiful memories are now also terribly painful -- the brain struggles when the only source of pleasure is an intense source of pain.  I think that this particular kind of pain does diminish; at least for me I do now mostly feel better when I see his picture, wear a necklace he gave me, etc., and that in turn seems to be helping my mind to clear and heal.  Though I can't bring myself to look at the album I created in a frenzy a few months after his death, I am glad to know it's there and that I will be able to look at it when I feel able to do that again.  

Sudden interest in accessing the spirit world is probably part of the same impulse -- I had never considered it before, but shortly after his death I started searching for mediums.  However, the listings I encountered seemed insincere to me and I never went further, though I found myself being open to "signs" in a way I would never have envisioned before the bereavement.  

What you said about panic following you around is also so sadly familiar -- wish I could say that the panic feelings will disappear, but they haven't for me, though they are definitely less intense and less constant.  When the panic comes it is usually when I am out in the world and I find that just telling myself 'you'll be home soon' somehow helps; maybe you would find that kind of self-soothing worth a try, if you haven't already?  Hope you can find ways to be kind to yourself even in this terrible time.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 10, 2018 at 7:38am

Today is my beloved Husband's birthday. 

Comment by Monty on July 9, 2018 at 4:31pm

thanks linda.

i wish you the very best on this difficult day for you.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 9, 2018 at 7:28am

Monty,

Tomorrow is my Husbands birthday, every year I spent it at the St. Augustine Lighthouse where I have two pavers in his memory. 

Comment by bluebird on July 8, 2018 at 11:36pm

You are very welcome, Monty. 

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