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Comment by BLUEBELL on June 20, 2018 at 1:47pm

Below is a picture I took at the Dana Point Marina In Orange County California. I thought it might bring a sense of peace and serenity to your day.

Bluebell

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 20, 2018 at 1:45pm

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 20, 2018 at 1:43pm

"Something else that I thought about today... I wish so much that my mom had lived as long as Bluebell's." 

"but I also realize that is of no comfort to Bluebell. Once you lose your mom, she is gone. There is no easy way." 

You are right Brett. There is no easy way. I would grieve as intensely and miss her horribly no matter what her age was when she passed away. Sometimes I think because she was older, and I had more time with her in my life, that it made it even harder to lose her. But that is just my perception and I do not know if it is true.

My love to all of you,

Daisy

Comment by Theresa on June 20, 2018 at 5:22am

Avi yes she was so young, my heart aches for  you.

Brett, you are right sometimes I see people who are older and still have their parents, I and think to myself wow that should be my mom. 

Like you said there is no easy way out of this.  Like you my mom was my partner, and my constant companion, I used to talk to her constantly during the day just to see what she was doing, even if I was for a few seconds to say "Mom what are you doing" it used to upset me if she was driving and her bluetooth was hooked up, I was like mom call you later and she would say why, I would say you are driving, she would say its the bluetooth, for her at 90 it was like so out of this world to have something like that because being born in 1923 was a whole different world then compared to now.

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 19, 2018 at 11:37pm

I hope it goes well, too, Avi. I still have a long way to go but I can tell you that crying is good. At least it was for me. It's a release and also an expression of love. I think I feel closer to my mom when I cry. Even if not closer to her physically, I feel closer to her memory.

Comment by Avi on June 19, 2018 at 11:16pm

Yesterday night was not great for me. I was thinking that my mom went early, she was only 66 when she died. I also cried in the morning after almost 4-5 days. Sometimes you just want do anything other than feeling grief. Day has just started and I hope it goes well. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 19, 2018 at 10:43pm

Theresa, I wish I could do more. We all have different stories. We can tell each other not to feel guilty about so many things, but I realize that you cannot un-see what you saw, and I realize that just the timing of your mom's death was beyond unfortunate. There was no way that you could have known.

Something else that I thought about today... I wish so much that my mom had lived as long as Bluebell's. If she had lived that long, I would have had her for 17 more years. What a dream come true that would be, but I also realize that is of no comfort to Bluebell. Once you lose your mom, she is gone. There is no easy way out of this. We all have scars.

I guess if my mom had died when I was 80 or above, I could at least think to myself "Well, I'll be along directly." I wasn't that fortunate. I don't know how much longer I have on this earth. It could be a long time. And it's a shame that makes me as sad as it does. My mom was my partner and my constant companion. I just don't know where to go from here.

Comment by Theresa on June 19, 2018 at 11:30am

Thanks so much Brett.  :)

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 19, 2018 at 10:33am

Theresa, you were in shock when you saw your mom. The blood vessels in your brain contract and you do not get adequate blood and oxygen. You experienced a trauma. You witnessed something horrible. You have created a pattern now when you drive home. After a busy day you finally have time to let your mind focus just on your mom. Also, I believe that your time in the car is a trigger because that was when you used to call your mom. I know it's hard. The only comfort I can possibly offer you is just to tell you that your mom is at peace now. Maybe one day your drive home will bring happy thoughts about your mom. I sure hope so.

Bluebell, I wish your mom a wonderful day in heaven. And I hope that today will bring happy memories of her.

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 19, 2018 at 9:58am

Theresa

God is resting their souls.

Bluebell

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