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Comment by Theresa on March 11, 2018 at 6:36am

Thank you so much Brett, just something.....please

Crystal, eight months...is still raw, for me, year one I was in a fog and don't remember it, year two reality set in and it was bad for me, I am now on my third year, and I am still sad, I went from talking to my mom every morning, everyday on my way to and from work, and at night when she would say Love you before hanging up, to never ever hearing her again, it was like someone shut the lights off forever.  In the first year I could not get out of the "fog", I got depressed, I cried all the time because she was all I had.

Some people understood and some did not.

I am trying to find the inner strength to live my new life, its not easy.

So much reminds me of her everyday.

Comment by Crystal K on March 11, 2018 at 4:14am

When does everything stop reminding you of them? Every place I go, everything I do somehow related back to my mom. My ride to work as I pass her doctor’s clinic, passing the street of our old home to my new apartment, the supermarket where I always took her every weekend... I guess it makes sense that alot of things would remind me of her because she was a big part of my everyday life. But its getting harder to do anything because the more I’m reminded of her, the sadder I get, and then the uncontrollable tears start coming. Its been eight months.. I thought that the pain would get better... but I feel like I’m doing much worse now than I was 3 or 4 months ago... how does one get through this... 

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 10, 2018 at 10:48pm

Theresa, if I know how much you love your mom, you can be certain that she knows 100 times more.

I know what you mean by wanting just something, one thing that will let me know for sure that my mom still knows I'm here, and that she still loves me. I'll keep hoping and praying.

Comment by Theresa on March 10, 2018 at 7:38pm

Sorry for your loss CJ

i didn’t know my mom was going to die, she was not sick, I spoke to her twenty minutes before she went in cardiac arrest and died.  She sounded just like she always did.   Imagine your last words to your mom being OK mom I’ll be there I’ll meet you at the hospital where she was going because she didn’t feel good that morning .   I never got to speak to my mom again to tell her I love her .

 I still cry when I sit down at night and I start to think I go over everything in my head and now I realize two years later no matter what I would’ve done the outcome would’ve been the same I have to come to the realization that was just my mom’s time I don’t want to but I have to I miss her so much my heart still aches every day, she  was my world I ask every night I say mom please come to see me mom please let me know that you know I’m here 

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 8, 2018 at 10:51pm

CJ, I knew my mom was dying but I still feel the same way. We never want to let go. I think the best word I can use to describe losing our mom is, shocking. I still can't wrap my fingers around it. I still can't believe it.

I am so sorry for your loss. God Bless you.

Comment by C J Carlson on March 8, 2018 at 10:20pm

My mom passed Aug. 6, 2017, after a short hospital stay due to a punctured esophagus. I don't think I'll ever stop grieving her. We talked everyday and were so close. I miss her calls, when she'd say "just me" when I answered them. She didn't have an easy life, so I did what I could to bring her joy. We had a lot of fun being together, now all I have is memories. I get so sad and still break down when I think of her. If I'd only known I'd lose her like I did, I would've hugged her and never let go.

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 8, 2018 at 7:20pm

Thank you Brett. I am going to make a copy of what you said and put it on my bedside table to remind me.

Hugs,

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 8, 2018 at 6:47pm

 I think it is good that you have your sister to experience this with you. You know you're not alone. What you do is simple from an outsider's perspective. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Count the blessings that you have. Build on them as best you can. And know that this is not forever, though it may feel like it. You will see your mom again.

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 8, 2018 at 1:46pm

Wish I could say I am feeling better, but I am not. My sister is having a hard time too. I get mad at myself because I think I should not still feel so much grief again. I guess it is not as bad as when Mom first passed away in Feb of last year, but it is still overwhelming. I just do not know what to do or what I want. I feel so lost again.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 5, 2018 at 10:38pm

Jessica, you are certainly normal. Good golly... there have been times since my mom died when I have felt like an emotional wreck. That's because I was/am an emotional wreck. People will say, "You're mom wouldn't want you to feel this way." Of course she wouldn't, but that doesn't stop me from feeling the way that I do. Sometimes we say things like, "I feel like I died when my mom died", but we didn't die. Dead people don't feel pain. We are very much alive. We are mourning the loss of the person who loved us in a way that only a mother could love.

We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, look for happiness where we can find it, and hopefully always be empathetic of others.

I believe that this is the meaning of life: Love with all of your heart, always try to help others, and try not to hurt anyone. Brighten the corner where you are.

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