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Comment by Brett Bowman on December 20, 2017 at 10:57pm

Sometimes it amazes me that we can find more compassion from a complete stranger than we can with our own friends and family. Losing a mom is something that a lot of people can relate to. The pain is universal for anyone who has been there. A few days ago I was talking to a lady at the grocery store. It was just a random conversation. She asked me if I was ready for Christmas. I think that she could see that I was not terribly enthused about it. She questioned me further. I told her about losing my mom on Christmas eve. She told what it was like to lose her own mom. She had been her mother's caretaker as well, and her mom was able to die in her own home. What she told me was beautiful and eerie. Her mother was on Hospice care. This lady was a nurse and had been monitoring her vital signs. She could tell that her mom would die soon. She said that she had just picked up the phone to call her sister and to tell her that their mother was dying. While she had her back turned, her mom had sat up in bed. She heard her mom say, "Jesus!" She turned around and saw that her mom had a beautiful smile on her face. She said, "What, mom?" Her mom said, "Jesus! It's Jesus!" And then she died.

I believe it. It doesn't take the pain away for those of us who are left behind, but it does give us some hope for the future, that we will see our moms again. And that there will be no more goodbyes.

That's where my hope lies. I don't want to give up on this life though. Maybe we can find some peace until that day comes. I haven't found it yet. I won't stop looking. And even if the worse should happen and I  become overcome by grief, I will still have hope that I will be with my mama again. I'll keep a candle burning.

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 20, 2017 at 8:08pm

Brett, I am taking those steps towards acceptance and peace. But right now I am stumbling. It is the hope you speak of that keeps me from falling. Today I isolated myself in my house with my little dog. I wanted to cry alone. Yesterday, I was doing my normal everyday things and ended up tearing up at the dentist. It was my luck that they were compassionate people. The dentist even gave me a little kiss on the top of my head like a father would do. I think only those that have suffered a deep loss themselves can relate to the pain I was in. They did not try to change the subject thinking it would help me feel better. They acknowledged my pain and offered comfort. They shared their loss of their Mother and how their sadness is particularly strong during holidays, the anniversary's of the death or their loved ones birthday. It helped me felt less alone in my grief. This experience with these lovely people taught me that compassion and empathy is what I can offer to others when I meet someone who is in pain after a loss.

Bluebell

Comment by Kate on December 20, 2017 at 7:45pm

Beautiful Brett! As much as my heart hurts,  i know my mom did not fear death.  I was with her when she died.  She told me she saw Jesus and her mom moments before she passed. This reassures me.  Call me crazy,  but I still look for cardinals... her favorite bird and think that every time I see one she is near me.  

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 20, 2017 at 5:47pm

It's hard to see the beauty of one's death when we are the ones who are left behind. A few weeks one of my neighbors (Missy) died. I didn't know. I saw the ambulance at her house but I assumed that she or her husband (Terry) were on their way to the hospital for some reason. They are both still young. I found out the next day that Terry had come home and found Missy on their bed. She had passed. I don't know why.

I spoke with Terry the next day. He was in shock (of course). I told him, "Just imagine, Terry. While the first responders were doing their jobs, Missy was meeting Jesus. She met Jesus Christ." I don't know if that helped him very much. It would not have helped me very much to hear that after I had lost my mom. I knew it. I took some peace in it, but grief is so powerful. You can't love like that and be fine. It takes a long time. To me it is sort of like if your best friend won the lottery, meanwhile you just became homeless. How happy could you be?

This Christmas, all I know that I want to be in heaven with my mom, but I also know that I would have to die to get there. I don't have a death wish. I just hope that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, that we can know happiness again in this life. All we can do is hope and pray, and to continue to put one foot in front of the other.

Comment by Theresa on December 20, 2017 at 1:57pm

That was beautiful Brett

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 20, 2017 at 1:00pm

Kate, I agree with you. Grief is the price of love. But I am sure glad that I had such a wonderful mom. Crying is a good release. To be honest, it's the days that I do not cry when I feel the worse. Those are the days when I just feel defeated and cold. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

Bluebell, as much as we hurt, I think we still look for ways to punish ourselves. I wish that there had been something that I could have done that would have kept my mom alive longer, but it was like trying to hold back a tidal wave. There is a line from Corinthians that gives me some comfort. "There are things that no eye has seen and no ear has heard, things beyond the mind of humanity - what God has prepared for those who love." There are some things that can only be in God's hands. When we can see past the grief, we know that our moms are in a wonderful place. Even knowing that I still miss my mom more than words can say, but I know that she is being cared for in a way that I never could have provided no matter how I tried. Our moms are in heaven now. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 20, 2017 at 11:39am

First Christmas without Mom and I feel so blah. I am going through the motions, but my heart is not in it. I know Mom is in a better place and has peace, but I do not. This Christmas and the thought of selling her house this coming year is overwhelming. I know we have to sell her house, but it is so painful to let go of it. It is so very final. Seems like I am either on the verge of tears or crying the past week or so. And again, I am reliving her last month and the last 2 days of her life and wondering if I could have done more to save her life. It is hard to remember that God makes these decisions and it was out of my hands no matter how well I took care of her. But still, the thoughts that it was my fault she died are tearing me apart again. I guess it is a process I have to go through, but it is hard.

Bluebell

Comment by Luisa Salter on December 20, 2017 at 9:27am

Kate I understand your sadness. We all do. I lost my Mom August 30th of this year and it has been very hard. I long to hear my Mom’s voice also, and to see her and hug her one more time also. I know that my Mom is no longer suffering and that gives me peace at times. I’ve had a really hard time with Christmas too, didn’t want to face it at all but I have an 11 year old daughter and so I’ve been putting one foot in front of the other. That’s all we can do. Grief just is what it is and I agree it is the price of love; a love that we in this room are all blessed to have. 

Comment by Sherri on December 20, 2017 at 9:22am

Thanks Theresa

Very well said.

Comment by Kate on December 20, 2017 at 8:26am

Thank you Theresa. That helps alot.  I know she is free from pain now.  It's me that is in pain.... and I also know that she would want me to be happy. :) Grief is the price of love.  I'm glad I had the chance to love her as long  as I did. 

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