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Comment by Lost with out him on December 12, 2017 at 8:48pm

Hi Dawn:

i can can understand your fear.. Most of us here you are right,  are NOT okay. Most of us are going through the motions of a life but are dead inside. It's coming up a year for me Feb 11.. I cannot tell you how I made it this far? I am still dazed and confused. I often forget he is gone forever. No I do not want to live, besides I am dead anyway. Every minute is excruciatingly painful, void of any joy. I am half a person. I am lonely and thrushed in a world that there is no longer a place for me. I have wanted to leave for every minute he has been gone. I pray for death each day. I do not care about my diet, have stopped caring about my health. My life has no value to me without Andrew. I am not meant to be here without him. I do not kill myself as I feel it is a selfish act. ( and do not want my Daughter and Granddaughters to suffer because of my selfishness. ) if they were not here I would have been gone along time ago. Sorry that this is not what you were expecting. This is the only place we can be honest about how we feel.

Comment by Dawn W on December 12, 2017 at 7:51pm

finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World.  SEVEN CHOICES book is by Elizabeth Harper Neeld

Comment by Dawn W on December 12, 2017 at 7:38pm

Comment by Dawn W on December 12, 2017 at 7:37pm

hi  all

just wanted to share this review I founded on a book called Seven Choices on Amazon

i am new to this message board and newly widowed (1month) but I know my husband expressed his desire for me to be OK .. I am a little scared of this message board as I see people years into their grief who are not OK.  I want to honour him.. I don't want to give up..I know we will be together again.  I want hope

please choose hope.  Please try to move forward with memories and love in your heart

Love Dawn

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 12, 2017 at 7:23am

Hi Alice,

Loved your post, today i see my therapist, she is a gem, has keep met to survive in this crummy world. All I have is my sweet Babie J who now has Cancer. I think it will be the end for me when I lose her. 

Comment by Elynn m on December 11, 2017 at 11:02pm

This is my third Christmas without Joe.   I miss him more each year.   I realize how precious he was.   Wish he could be here at least a few hours each day with me ! (Physically, so I can hold him agsin).  

Comment by morgan on December 11, 2017 at 8:25pm

Wow, Alice......your comment gets to the heart of how we all feel.  thank you......" to live not with him but with other people who are not him"  says it all for me.  Its the reason I end up crying whenever and wherever the universe pulls the trigger,  And staying away from people as M Adams says  so I am not "having to explain"......There’s nothing here for me, I cant give reason to be here, I can’t explain, and my daily functioning might not be as debilitating as it was the first four years but the meltdowns now are bottomless.  

I want to know what love is again.  I want him to show himself to me again.  I need him.  More desperately than anything that I need.  I've come too far and I can’t live without him much longer. 

And yes, we never had any idea the grief of losing a spouse could be this damaging.  Its beyond loss.  We buried ourselves.

Comment by bluebird on December 11, 2017 at 7:22pm

I cry when I cry, I don't care if it's in front of other people or not. My life is a living hell, without my husband, and I don't care who knows it. I will not pretend.

Comment by M Adams on December 11, 2017 at 6:32pm

So sorry for your continued suffering, Linda.  For me, not crying in public would be a good step forward -- you often hear that it's good to cry but I would rather do it in private.  And really, people are tired of my sadness, though some do try to be kind.   

Comment by Nancy on December 11, 2017 at 6:31pm

Very well said Alice.  

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