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Comment by BLUEBELL on December 7, 2017 at 8:44pm

I am sorry Theresa. What a horribly, insensitive medical professional. It does not matter how old they are. It still hurts like H E double L to loose them. 

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on December 7, 2017 at 6:11pm

Thanks Theresa

Comment by Theresa on December 7, 2017 at 6:03pm

Sherri, I went to a berevement class at the church, three times and it was not for me, they were talking about circumstances, but nothing on a personal level.  One man there who lost his 26 year old daughter to an illness was rude he is a ER doctor and when he heard me story he said what did you want your mom was 92, I was like I am not coming back and I told the group admin why.  

Comment by Sherri on December 7, 2017 at 5:15pm

Thanks for the advice Brett

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 7, 2017 at 4:20pm

Sherri, it's kind of a hard question to answer. I want to help you and not discourage you. Neither worked for me. That's me though. I think that it largely depends on the level of your grief, circumstances, and your ability to think objectively for yourself. Not everyone responds to therapy. To be honest, what helped me the most was medication. You could have gone your entire life without suffering from depression or overwhelming anxiety, but grief can create a chemical imbalance, and in my case PTSD.

Medication coupled with therapy can often lead to healing. For some, all it takes is a grief class. Try any option that you would like. Try them all. You will never know until you try. We have to be proactive, and we have to be our own advocates. I know that surrendering completely to grief is the worst thing that you can do. Keep looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. You may have to walk a long time before you see it, but keep walking.

As sad as we all are, it is so important to remember how we got here. It was love. We are hurting but our moms were worth it.

Comment by Sherri on December 7, 2017 at 1:18pm

I have a question to anyone in the group Has any one gone to Grief Counseling or Therapy. It has been mentioned to me by my Husband that maybe I should look into this as I am not dealing with things so much. I just wanted to know if it help you I am not sure about sharing my feelings I am very private person about things this is the first time I have ever done something like this I find it easier since I still stay private but am able to release some of my thoughts with someone who understands?   

Comment by Sherri on December 7, 2017 at 1:10pm

Brett I see how this is tough for you I know things never get easier they just get different I can understand why just can't getting over it is so much more than anyone understands. I know I can say this to you and I have a hard time even getting it is Just know our mom's are not in pain and are happy in the heavens watching over us and they know and understand all we have done for them and with them. This is just my first Christmas so I can't imagine what you are feeling this Christmas because I'm doing everything to avoid doing it to stop the pain and the feeling of hurt I want you to know I understand the pain and loss. As for your mom dogs I totally get it, we have a cat which we rescued from the cat rescue my mom help at  she has now gotten sick and found tumors on her stomach which I paid dearly to have removed because I feel this is one thing I have left from mom and I can't let go of her too. She is an older cat but I would do it every time I can't go through this again.

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 7, 2017 at 12:40pm

The lack of understanding from my family has been horrible. They all think that I should, "just get over it", but they weren't here. They don't understand why all of the late night 911 calls are still with me. They didn't sit by my mom's bed at night and watch her struggle to breathe. They knew that mom and I were very close, but they cannot know how our relationship grew. I was with my mom 24/7. She was dependent on me for food, water, even using the bathroom. She became an even bigger part of me than she already was. I would look at my mom, helpless, and I would remember how strong she had been. I remembered that she was a single mom who provided for four children, and had worked so hard, and had sacrificed so much for each of us. They do not understand how much it meant to me to be able to give something back. My mom became such a big part of me that when she died she took most of me with her. They don't understand why mom's two little dogs became my best friends. They were by my side 24/7. When one of them became sick a few months ago, they did not understand why I just didn't, "put her down." 

Because this is my second Christmas without mom, I am just supposed to magically be over it. But this Christmas is harder than the last. 

They don't understand. They can't understand. 

Comment by Sherri on December 7, 2017 at 7:49am

You have all said it this is the just as tough as the first few days. I have tried to keep going its not easy. My in laws came over and said what no tree. My answer you want it up put it up I'm not right now, My mother in law said the same thing Theresa so since I have had some bad feelings for her lately as she has never said a word to me about my mom my anger came out your right you will one day and just walked away so I think we are also not on the best terms lately. I then felt so guilty for this type of comment I don't wish this on anyone I just don't see why she just doesn't get my feelings and understand and be more companionate. My husband and kids all said when your ready mom we can put up the tree together and they seem to get it or just trying to help me get through it. I know this is a tough time for us all and I am happy I have you guys to talk to, just know I'm here for you guys.

Comment by Theresa on December 7, 2017 at 6:14am

Thanks you guys, Brett I know we are both anticipating the day that is coming, I want it to come and go, lets move on to next year and hope it will be better.
I can say I am glad I found this site, because no one I have friends or family don't care.
You know I will say this again, my mother in law, said it to me again the other day, "we all have to die one day", another words telling me to get over it.
What I am thinking I cannot say, but I think you all get it.
I will be blunt, I used to like her now I hate her.
Anyway, today is my day off I am going to the cemetery to bring a Christmas blanket of greens, my mom did it every year now I will.
God Bless everyone, we will get through this.

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