Comment

Comment by Sherri on December 2, 2017 at 12:08pm

I agree Bluebell I find it hard so I know each one of us has this problem. I can't imagine not having somewhere to go when your ready. My heart breaks for you.

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 2, 2017 at 11:50am

I have no place to visit my Mom because she was scattered at sea. That was her wish. I find that hard. I think none of this is easy to deal with for most of us.

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on December 2, 2017 at 11:07am

I haven't visit my my house where her urn is also Brett my mom was you she was only 65 I find it too hard also Brett

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 2, 2017 at 11:05am

How wonderful that she lived such a long life.

I have not been able to visit my mom's grave. That would be too much right now.

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 2, 2017 at 10:43am

Thank you Sheri. I think so too. I miss her so much!

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on December 2, 2017 at 9:11am

Beautiful

Comment by BLUEBELL on December 2, 2017 at 8:42am

I know it is small, but this is a picture of my Mom at age 97 on Mother's Day. She is holding the flowers that my brother sent her. She looks so happy. This is how I want to picture her and forget her final hours on this earth when she was suffering.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on December 2, 2017 at 5:51am

I have to say what hit me the hardest was after my mom died I went back to her house I walked in and looked around and knew she would never be coming back there.  She lived there for 60 years it to this day hits me hard when I think about it.

I walked downstairs and saw her sneakers she wore to do yard work and I just looked at them. 

The people that bought her house told me to come anytime I wanted to, my goodness I can't even think about going there ever no way. 

I would be hysterical crying.

It is the busy time for me at work I am a buyer/office manager for an upscale jewelry store, I will only have one more Saturday off till Christmas, but I'm ok with that.

Keeps me very busy which is good for me..

Comment by Brett Bowman on December 1, 2017 at 11:50pm

Crystal, there is no reason to feel selfish and petty. You just wish that you still had your mom. That's the most natural feeling in the world. I don't begrudge those folks. I sure do envy them though. And especially at this time of year. Sometimes I will see a small child with their mom and grandmother, and I just can't imagine how wonderful that would be, but I did have my time. Maybe I just didn't appreciate it enough while I had it. Sometimes I think it would be nice to go back in time, to a place where my mom was still young and healthy. I would hug the snot out of her and she would probably look at me like I was crazy. But in a way it's good that we can't go back. I would hang on to my mom like grim death. That's probably not a good way to live. What bothers me the most is the finality of it all. I will never see my mom again in this life. That is so hard to swallow. My memories are still so fresh.

Theresa, I can see why it hurts you to see that little pill box. Right up until the time my mom went on hospice she was still driving, still shopping, still just being my mom. I was hoping for more time. I was even expecting more time. Even when I knew that my mom was going to die I had hopes that we would have more time together than we did. It was shocking to see my mom die. To look at that lifeless body. To know that her heart wasn't beating anymore. To know that I could talk but that she couldn't hear me. I still have not recovered from that. I don't know that I ever will.

Comment by Crystal K on December 1, 2017 at 11:13pm

Theresa, It breaks my heart when I see others that still have their prents ehenever I see grandparents with their grandchildren, its like a stab to my heart because my nieces were my mom’s heart and soul... i feel petty and cheated and i hate myself for feeling that way but it doesnt stop thos feelings. Sherri, I understand how u feel- i try to do things i did before but i dont want to pretend that im ok while im with friends, and they dont deserve it cause as much pain i am in it is not their faults so being social is not on my list at the moment. Brett, thank you for that insightfulness, it does make ne feel better about all the unsaid things between my mom and i.

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