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Comment by Brett Bowman on November 20, 2017 at 11:30pm

Bailey, I was my mom's caretaker for four years. She died on Christmas eve of 2015. I don't think that Christmas can ever be the same. I know it won't. I was thinking today, I remember when Christmas was all about toys. That's hard to believe now. What I wouldn't give just to have Christmas dinner with my mom. I don't need a present. Just an hour with my mom would be heaven. 

Comment by Bailey Smith on November 20, 2017 at 4:43pm

Thank you Brett for the kind words. You know exacatly how if feels when you think your Mom is going to win the battle and then another issue pops up! My Mom had been living with us off and on the past five years. Sometimes the stay was as long as year another time a couple of months, When she was doing well she went to her own home. She loved her time at home. We were glad we were in the position to do that for her as we are both retired. I am so happy I found this group,

Comment by Bailey Smith on November 20, 2017 at 4:38pm

Thank you Bluebell. My avatar is my dog Benji. Thank you for the warm welcome

Comment by BLUEBELL on November 20, 2017 at 1:58pm

Bailey,

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. My Mom passed away Feb 14th of this year and I too am still deeply grieving her loss. This is a wonderful and supportive place to come and share your feelings about your Mom's death. Anything you are feeling that you feel comfortable sharing is okay. 

Second of all, I like you avatar. It looks like my dog except he is grey. His name is Bailey!! 

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 20, 2017 at 11:35am

Bailey, I am so sorry for your loss. I remember towards the end of my mom's life, it was so similar in the sense that we would cross one hurdle and then something else would arise. Atrib fibrillation, leaky heart valve, congestive heart failure, COPD. The congestive heart failure had her in the hospital every two weeks. It was all like trying to hold back a title wave. There came a point where my mom just could not win every battle. It was impossible. No one could.

I was not as brave as you. I didn't tell mom that she should let go until the final moments.

The last thing you wrote is so true. It's seems that we are given a small window to grieve. People just do not understand how devastating something like this can be. Even many people who have lost their mom do not understand why it may be so hard for someone to live without their mom. I wish that it was not that way. You are fortunate to have your husband. Everyone needs some one to lean on in a time like this. Even if that person does not understand the depth of your loss, if they can just care because you are hurting, that means so much.

Please feel free to share your good days and bad days with us. We understand.

God Bless You.

Comment by Bailey Smith on November 20, 2017 at 9:11am

Hi! Mom had been staying with me and went into the hospital on June 14th and
along with Parkinson's everything started to fall apart. Every time we thought we were making progress we would find out she had another diagnosis. It was heartbreaking as we really thought she would come home to my husband and I.

She was diagnosed with
Atrib fibrillation ,Congestive Heart Failure, Two leaking heart valves, Low hemoglobin and list goes on.
The final stage of Parkinson Disease came on very quickly and in the end she could not swallow, was bed ridden and could not speak. The day before she died I spent the afternoon with Mom. She did not seem to be in pain however tears flowed down her cheeks. She gripped my hand all afternoon but did not open her eyes . I told Mom she put up an amazing battle but it was time to stop fighting. I told her dad, and Grandpa and Grandma were waiting for her in heaven . That she was amazing Mother and it broke our hearts that she was going to leave us but we did not want her to suffer anymore. She fell into a deep sleep at five pm. The next morning at 11 am on August 20th, Mom took three deep breathes and peacefully passed away.
My Mom was 89 and I know I was lucky to have her this long and she was my best friend. However I have been struggling and find it hard to talk to anyone about it except my husband. Society is strange in sense that once funeral is over everyone thinks you need to smile and move on.

Comment by Theresa on November 19, 2017 at 2:26pm

Bluebell. I’m glad he did you seem like such a wonderful person. We all are going through this great sadness I miss my mom everyday and I always say mom I don’t know if you can hear me but I love and miss you so much. Then I’ll say I don’t know if you are near me or not but I hope you are.

Comment by BLUEBELL on November 19, 2017 at 8:22am

No worries Theresa. It happens to all of us at one time or another. 

Even though I want to honor my Mom on Christmas, I know there are going to be tears and sorrow. It can not be avoided. I loved her and miss her. It broke my heart when she died and I do not think it can ever be mended. But I do the best I can and go on with my life, praying every day that God will grant me some peace. The truth be told, I have ask God to forgive me for ever considering ending my time on this earth by my own hand. He has taken those thoughts away and I am grateful.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on November 19, 2017 at 6:08am

Sorry for the repeat, on my phone.

Comment by Theresa on November 18, 2017 at 8:50pm

Sherri and Luisa
Thank you so much it is really nice to know there are other people on here that know how you feel the holidays are just not my favorite time. Although I do remember my mother decorated the house every year even though my dad died right before Christmas and her mother died on Christmas Eve she managed to do it she decorated all by her self and I’m going to do it in memory of her. As a matter fact my mother decorated the house two weeks before she passed away but then again no one knew she was going to pass away unexpectedly she didn’t know

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