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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Missing my identity 2 Replies

Started by silvia maria. Last reply by silvia maria Aug 5, 2022.

i need my mom

Started by dream moon JO B Aug 13, 2021.

I want my Mommy 1 Reply

Started by Lucinda. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 19, 2021.

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Comment by Sherri on November 13, 2017 at 7:56am

 Hello Luisa

I Understand how tough it is to go through things I am still not there it is all I can do to just walk in the house so going through things are just to much still. I know there is happy memories in there I just can't find the strength to see her and know she gone it sends me into that tall spin all over again. I am a child of divorce at the age of 16 when I was 20's my mom remarried and my step dad is great he lives in the house and he cleaned everything right away I think it was his way of dealing with everything and that is okay with me a bit some times it feels like he wiped her away but that's my pain I'm sure, he gave me my mom clothes because a friend said she would make me memory quit from her stuff so he packed them up and gave them to me they are still in the box I can't even open it without breaking down so I get it. I can't even image looking at things Luisa and Theresa. 

I have a question for everyone for some help on this. My mom was cremated  and wishes to be put in her house with my step dad and her dog that was also cremated that she kept it was like her baby. My step dad seems to have moved on right now I am still trying to wrap my head around this as it has only been 9 month and they were married for 22 years but I know everyone grieves in their own way but that not the question I want to say to him if you have moved on I want my mom since he mind is else. Then me and my brother  agree to put her in final resting place we just don't agree right now but I know in time we will as its just hard for both us I know that. I want to visit with her and nobody else seems to have the same feelings and I feel funny going in the house one because he has moved on and I don't feel her in the house anymore since he has changed it all. Am I selfish in this thought her wishes were to be with her dog and I would bring both I'm just not sure how to tell him since he's not my dad. My real dad left me years ago and doesn't want to be part of my life so my mom is all I had. Could use some outside perspective as I know my emotions get the best of me he just told me he was taking his new friend away for Christmas so he won't be there. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on November 13, 2017 at 7:52am

Theresa

It is early morning and I am not fully awake, so this will be brief. What a beautiful Memorial to your Mom. Thank you for sharing the picture.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on November 13, 2017 at 6:10am

Luisa, believe me you will not forget anything about her.

It one shy month of two years for me and I remember her everything about her.

The first year was a blur for me I felt like I was walking around in a fog.

Every time I went to my moms she used to tell me in the closet in my room is a metal box it has all the papers in in you will need and a notebook with who to call for her insurance etc.

I used to say on come on mom please and she would say I'm just telling you.

Sure enough she had the metal box with hanging file folders labeled and the notebook with phone numbers of companies I had to call.

I still have the box just like it was and I also have a box I bough at Marshalls with her clothes she wore to the hospital, her jacket she always wore and her little boots, other things that I have also put in there that were hers.

I am going to try to download a picture of the place she went everyday for coffee, she sat in the same seat and would only use the same cup, it was a family owned business, she was friendly with the girls who took over after their mom passed, a whole group used to meet there everyday.  They were wonderful to my mom, the picture shows it.

This was the seat she sat in when she went there and they wouldn't let anyone sit there for a few days in honor of my mom, it brought me to tears.

Comment by Luisa Salter on November 12, 2017 at 10:59pm

Hi Bluebell, Brett, Theresa and Sherri...everyone, just checking in...had a such a tough weekend emotionally. Reality is setting in more as time goes on. It's only been 10 weeks since Mom passed but sometimes it feels like much longer. My sense of time is really different right now. It's like I don't want time to pass, because I worry that I will start to forget things about her. I don't want to let go of anything that belonged to her still. Right now I need to find the title to her car so I can figure out how to transfer it over to my name, but going through even a small box of papers puts me into a tailspin. I see her handwriting, receipts from things that she bought. Little cartoons that she liked and cut out of New Yorker magazine. Last night this box that I was looking in had so many memory triggers that I completely forgot what I was looking for and just had to stop. There were travel receipts from 3 different vacations we took together, receipts from past Christmases, you name it. Mom saved everything. I was just a mess. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. The memories knocked the wind out of me. It's hard to imagine having to go the rest of my life without my Mom here. I can't imagine how I will ever not be in pain now that she is gone.

Sherri my heart really goes out to you coming up on the anniversary months for the first time, and for everything that you went through leading up to her passing. My last holiday season even with my Mom was very hard, because I knew that it was our last Christmas together.

I have to keep holding on to the belief that the pain will lessen with time, that Mom would want me to carry on and be strong. 

Thank you to everyone for being here. I hope that we can all keep touching base throughout the holiday season; I know that we will all need that extra support. Remember none of us is alone -

Hugs, Luisa

Comment by Sherri on November 10, 2017 at 10:57am

Thanks for the support any time you need a friend you just type I'll be there just knowing I have some where to go helps.

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 10, 2017 at 10:46am

Sherri, I'm glad to help you. Faith can be a very hard thing to come by right now. We are hurting so much. I can visualize being with my mom in heaven one day, but I cannot visualize feeling better today. This is quite a process.

I have a little cousin who is in high school. She recently lost her great grandmother. She told me, "I think that I know what you are going through now." I didn't want to sound like a mean grownup and tell her about the degrees of separation. I just told her to love and appreciate her mom with all of her heart.

Sometimes we have to be our own best advocate. When my mom died, one of her sisters told me, "You think you have it bad. A neighbor of mine just lost her child. Think how awful that would be." I guess in her own way she was trying to let me know that it could be worse, but at the time I couldn't see how it could be worse, and this is no contest. If it is a contest, it's a contest that no one wants to win. It all hurts so badly. 

I wish that I could find the words to help you feel better. I wish that I could find the words to make me feel better, too. I can't. But I sure do care. You're not alone, buddy. 

Comment by Sherri on November 10, 2017 at 10:02am

Thanks Brett having someone understand my feeling and moments is nice I have a great supportive family I just don't think they quite understand and like you say why I just can't just get over it and move on but they have their parents so I know they don't get it she was all I had. thanks for all you words it helps today. I'm trying to have faith I still just not there yet and I know there is no timeline and one day I might. I do know every day my Mom is in a better place with no pain and that does make me happy for her and I also know she loved me so much and I also that is why it hurts so much but I will take everyday one moment at a time. Thanks Brett for listening and sharing Hugs.

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 10, 2017 at 9:40am

Sherri, I have been through grief counseling. Being a private person is okay. There were some ladies in my class (I was the only man) who rarely said a word. I believe that we all benefitted from the experience however. It's good to have support and to know that there are others who understand what you are going through. I know what it is like to go to a bathroom and cry. I keep my mom's driver's license with me. Sometimes I just want to see her face. And sometimes that just makes me miss her more.

You have experienced a trauma. We all have. I remember just staring at my mom's lifeless body by the light of our Christmas tree.

I remember watching my mom sleep, too. I would remember the good times when she was stronger. I would wish that those days would come back. I would wonder what my mom would be doing at that moment if she were not so sick. The quiet was so hard. She would wake up and I would see her looking at me but I never knew until she spoke if I would be getting the mom that I had always known, or if I would hear someone who was just very confused. There were times when mom would wake up and give me an order. I would smile and say to myself, "Now, that's my mom."

I could also imagine what it would have been like if I were the one who was sick. My mom would have had the same thoughts. She would have watched over me like I watched over her. I am glad that she didn't have to experience that.

There is nothing about this that is easy. It can be so hard to find someone who understands. Unless a person is living it, or unless they have been through it before, they can't understand. And truth be told, some folks just aren't that empathetic. I have friends and family who think that I should just get over it and move on. How could they know what was between me and my mom? They can't know. Only my mom knew, and she is gone. That is the cruelest irony of it all. She's the only person who could have made me feel better.

But I try to go through every day knowing that my mom loves me, and I remember that, no matter how much it hurts, my life was a thousand times better for having had her in my life.

I would rather experience this than to be someone who was never that close to their mom. I just can't imagine.

I have hope and faith in God, and maybe one day I will see her again. we will all see our moms again, and we will never have to say goodbye again. Until then we just have to remember how blessed we were to have loved so much, and to have been loved so much.

Comment by Sherri on November 10, 2017 at 8:10am

Thank Theresa and Brett I am so sorry that we all must be here and I know we are in that same boat we lost our mom so I'm grateful to have a place  I can let go of some of these feelings and with those who understand my thoughts and over whelming feelings at times people around you don't really understand unless you have lost you mom. My mom had to be put in hospice 2 weeks after found out her diagnose as it all happened so fast I didn't even have time to think what to do she couldn't remember who I was half the time of how to eat or walk or to be trusted to take her medication as he had a heart by pass a few years ago and was a heavy diabetic sometimes and she had two large brain tumors in the front of her brain growing through her brain so each day it depended on what it was pressing on as to how her day was and she slept about 15 hours a day due to her med's they had to use to help with the swelling in her brain so some days I watched her sleep. I understand about the Christmas music thing Brett I see it all around and I dread it now as this is when it all started and I don't want to remember that horrid moment when they said the news and time just stopped I thank you all for your time I haven't tried grief counseling as I am a very private person but I have found it even worse now that I just want to revert to not being around people unless I have to like work that's all I avoid everything else still I can't even go to my husband family things with out being in the bathroom crying as I watch my husband and his family interact and just want my mom back and I find it hard to see them all together without reminding me she is gone every time. This is what brought me to here. You all in my prayers and I am grateful for you all 

Comment by Theresa on November 10, 2017 at 5:40am

Sherri, so sorry for your loss my mom died on December 19, 2015

Unexpectedly, cardiac arrest and I wasn't by her side I got there right after...

We all have different stories, but we are all grieving the loss of our moms, even though its been two years, I will be honest, not a day goes by that I don't think of her and I always tell her I love her everynight.

She was my mom, my best friend, my life.

 

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