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Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: Oct 5, 2022

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Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 6 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Martha Washburn Sep 22, 2022.

Loss of spouse… 3 Replies

For 40+ years we were together…married 39 years….We were to celebrate our 40th anniversary…Nobody who hasn’t been married, and lost a spouse could possibly understand….even though he was into many…Continue

Started by Susan B. Last reply by Connie Sep 1, 2022.

Today is the anniversary of my wedding day 2 Replies

I got married on May 1, 1992 and lost my husband on June 30, 2017. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life and if I had one wish, it would be to go back and live that day over. It has been…Continue

Started by Carol Klotz. Last reply by Carol Klotz May 3, 2020.

Lost my light in the darkness 2 Replies

I lost my wife on the 25 of March after returning from my Dads funeral. She is everything to me. No matter how bad it got, no matter how much my PTSD drug me down, She has been my light in the…Continue

Started by Shane Hughes. Last reply by Shane Hughes Apr 16, 2020.

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Comment by Dawn W on December 9, 2017 at 7:47pm

So lost

my soul mate of 20 years gone to cancer in just 4 months

Comment by Lost with out him on November 19, 2017 at 7:51am
I am not functioning well either! I am a robot doing things that I do not care about doing because I have to. I feel like the walking dead. I am dead inside.nothing bring me joy.. My Grandchild only remind me he is missing. I miss him do much it hurts physically as well. I too want to die. But for the same reasons as Morgan I can't do it. I feel like I am missing the other half of me. I too cry all the time. ( I work in a Hospital so am surrounded by sadness) I fear a future without him. I mean really fear. I have anxiety about so many things. I do not want to be here! I use to feel his presence a lot but that too seem to not happen as often. If I think he is with me I am able to function better. I think we are all in the same boat, this is not a life! Grief and struggling to get through every minute of everyday. What bugs me a lot is everyone just carries on ( friends not family) I want yo shout " do you think this could not happen to you?" Your life could change in an instant like mine. I better stop I could go on and on..thank you all for being here, I find comfort here ❤️
Comment by Linda Engberg on November 19, 2017 at 6:12am

Hi Morgan,

I too am going on five years. I hate the holidays and just wish I could go to sleep until they are over. My Husband was my soulmate and he lives on in my broken heart. I just go through the motions of everyday. Mornings are the worse, I still see a Psychotherapist every other week. It helps keeping me together. There is no magic pill for grief except death and that's what I live for.  

Comment by morgan on November 19, 2017 at 2:02am

I don't know how the rest of you are doing but I seem to not be able to get a handle on living.  I function and work but I keep remembering.  And when I do I end up so desperate for him.  I just don't know how much longer I can do this.  I cant sleep right.  I cant eat right.  I cant have a conversation with someone without ending up crying.  I am just so tired of living in a constant state of grief.  I cant forget him.  I cannot live without him.  I keep suffering through this.  Why am I afraid to do what it is I want to do?  Because I am afraid if I do I wont be reunited with his energy again.  How much longer will this old body hold out?  

During the day I try to keep myself busy so I don't have to think but eventually something at some point will trigger a remembrance and all I can think about is how much I loved that man.  How much he loved me.  And down I go.  The hole is much deeper but more narrow.  This is nothing but torture.  

I guess I've never come too far out of the fog because the pain of losing him has barely left me.  What a cruel, brutal incendiary way to have to live being left behind.

morgan 

Comment by morgan on November 12, 2017 at 8:28pm

John, so sorry you're having a bad day.  I will be approaching five years in January.  The memories of my husband and who he was continue to haunt me everyday.  I am now resigned to knowing that I will not go more than 48 hours without crying.  Something I remember about him always triggers the tears.  

I cannot wrap my head around the fact he is dead.  Dead.  I don't know what that is other than he is in a box sitting on my living room table.  How is it possible he is gone?  How is it I will never see him again?  How am I supposed to pretend that this life means anything to me without him.  It doesn't.  

I hate it.  I want to be dead too.  I just cant seem to bring myself to ending it. I wonder what it would take to be able to end it. I certainly cant seem to use the means I have.  

I have spent the whole time trying to understand: why I am so devastated.  Why nothing means anything to me anymore.  Why I have such a hard time talking to people.  Why I don't want to live.  Why cant I end it.  Why is every decision a reminder of him and how hard it is to decide.  And then hating the fact I have to do it all on my own.  Most of all I don't want to be here on my own.  I want him back.  I want to hold him in my arms again and know the comfort of his body against mine.  I want for nothing else.  I wonder how people who are single or never had the kind of love I had, how do they live life and find joy?  Why cant I find any if they seem to?

Essentially I wonder how long my brain and body will hold out under this kind of stress.  When I drop into my meltdowns I just pray that it ends soon because the meltdowns are simply horrible now.  Painful.  Physically painful.  I have to prop myself into a position and cry it out because if I don't I am bound to erupt again in short order.

This has been the worst time of my life. Of course we had fights.  Of course he or I would get pissed at each other.  But I have never felt so abandoned.  So out of my element.  So angry that I have been left behind.  I don't know what it takes to get to a point where you simply refuse to take anymore but after this long I can only hope nature gets me soon.

Comment by Nancy on November 12, 2017 at 8:24pm
I had a bad day today too. Horrific sadness just swept over me. I'm still not over the shock. I talked everything over with him. I try to take 1 day at a time. Finding it's the same day after day. So much of a huge change and I feel like nothing matters really. Just like you said M.and John. Bless you and us all.
Comment by John T. on November 12, 2017 at 8:23pm

Thanks, M Adams.  When half the team is gone, it's devastating.  When half of who you are is gone, there seems to be no way to deal with it.  

Comment by M Adams on November 12, 2017 at 7:28pm
John, so sorry you are going through this -- have been struggling with the same problem about choices, even the smallest decisions are so difficult now. Stuff I would have dealt with quickly and easily without ever even asking my husband, now it's an agonizing process with endless stupid second guessing. In my case I think I've lost all confidence in making a right choice since losing him. Not very reasonable but seems to be the case. Spend a lot of time sort of paralyzed as a result, obsessed by minutiae. And yet nothing is important now, so why fret over anything?
Comment by John T. on November 12, 2017 at 7:00pm

There are times when it's just overwhelming and the pain is intense.  Today, for no reason at all, I keep muttering "how could you just die?"  If there had been a choice, I know she wouldn't have left me on my own.  Now, I live day to day, always thinking how hard it is to make choices without her input and common sense.  I am so lost without her.  Every single day, although I managed on my own so many times, I am lost.  I always knew she was there at the end of the day.  Now it seems the day never ends.  I connect with no one as I  did with her.  I may be functional but I am adrift.  This is a really bad day.

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 5, 2017 at 7:12am

Hi Elynn,

I experience the same thing, what I did was make new friends through grief groups and church, only people that have lost a spouse will understand what we are going through. I don't think friends mean to rude they just don't know what to say. I rescued wonderful dog Babie J and she is the light of my life. 

 

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