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Comment by Theresa on November 10, 2017 at 5:40am

Sherri, so sorry for your loss my mom died on December 19, 2015

Unexpectedly, cardiac arrest and I wasn't by her side I got there right after...

We all have different stories, but we are all grieving the loss of our moms, even though its been two years, I will be honest, not a day goes by that I don't think of her and I always tell her I love her everynight.

She was my mom, my best friend, my life.

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 9, 2017 at 11:57pm

Hi, Sherri. I lost my mom on Christmas eve, 2015. Last year was my first Christmas without my mom. I use to love Christmas music. Now it just breaks my heart. 

To be honest, every day feels like that first day I lost my mom. Like you, I held my moms hand and watched her take her last breath. It is still so fresh.

There is absolutely no timeline for grief. We all grieve in our own way, and in our own time. First I want to say that I am so sorry that you lost your mom. I am so sorry that you had to watch her decline. My mom's first night on hospice was rough. I had given her a shot of morphine. She slept for a long time. When she woke up she asked me who I was. I had to tell her that I was her son. I imagine that you had moments when you looked at the same face that you had loved for your entire lifetime, and then had to ask yourself how and why this happened. It's life and we all know that day is going to come when we lose our moms but it can still seem downright cruel when it happens. There is no way to prepare for it. There is no way to get back lost time.

It sounds like you were your mom's caretaker as well. As close as I was to my mom, and we were so close, becoming her caretaker took our relationship to another level of unconditional love. She became almost like my child as well as my mom.

When I lost my mom I tried to comfort myself by saying, "I can only lose her once. I will never have to experience this again." But I was wrong. I experience it every day.

All of us her have many things in common. We are still grieving, but more than anything we loved our moms with all of our hearts. We all want to get better but none of us want to let go. I guess that we are all trying to find a balance between accepting what has happened while keeping our mom's alive in our hearts.

There is something else that well all have in common. Our moms loved us every bit as much as we loved them.

If you ever need a friend or just want to share what you are feeling with people who understand, please know that we are here for you. We are more than just empathetic listeners, we are experiencing so many of the same things. We are all different people and our experiences cannot be the same, but we all love and miss our moms so much.

I've got your back. You are in my prayers. God Bless You, Sherri.

Comment by Sherri on November 9, 2017 at 7:14pm

Thanks luisa

Comment by Luisa Salter on November 9, 2017 at 3:25pm

Sherri I am so sad to hear your story and very sorry for your loss. You are in good company here, we are all struggling with this pain of losing our mothers. I believe that it in many cases it is the biggest loss that one experiences in their lifetime. It is certainly the biggest one I've experienced in my life so far.

I'm glad that reading the posts here help you to feel less alone. That is the reason that I visit this website too. My Mom passed August 30 2017 after a long illness. The Holidays are daunting for me too. It's strange to think about the holidays like I normally do and then think about my Mom not being here and it's just a mental blank spot. I can't imagine them without Mom. I don't want to do them without Mom. But I'm going to have to because I have a child, and it's going to be happening around me anyway. Last Christmas I was so sad, because I knew that it was our last Christmas together. It was really hard. I tried to enjoy it but I really couldn't enjoy it much. It was like a blur. Thinking about it right now hurts.

Anyway from what I understand about grief, or at least what I have been told by Hospice and so forth, is that grief just flows through you, kind of  like a river and you have to sort of just let it run its course. I think that the only thing we can do is to walk through it and eventually we heal a little and our pain is not as bad. Anyway no worries at all about the rambling I do it all the time. Hugs,

Luisa 

Comment by Sherri on November 9, 2017 at 9:03am

Thanks bluebell 

Comment by BLUEBELL on November 9, 2017 at 8:53am

Sherri

I am so sorry for your loss. My Mom passed away Feb. 14th of this year. It is still hard for me too, so I understand what you are going through. From all that I have read, what we are all feeling is normal and that the timeline for grieving is person specific. 

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on November 9, 2017 at 7:50am

Hello I am new I lost my mom on Feb 24,2017 she was diagnosed with brain tumor stage 4 cancer just before one week before Christmas given 3 months to live. It all happen so fast my mind is still not sure what happened as there was no time from the day something happen she was fine the day before then all of a sudden she could not remember how to get up from the bath tub and then things just started going down hill fast everyday which I know was a blessing for her as she would not have wanted to spend her last two months in the hospital as she hated them but everyday I saw her slipping away from me. I have been trying to learn to cope with out her it is tough as it was always just me and my mom and my older brother things are so different. I have been reading a lot of post and see that the way I feel is no different them many this helps a bit its been 7 months and today still feels the same, some are good then I wake up and remember she gone. I miss her so much not sure what to do some days. The holidays are coming and I'm not sure how to even get through it just want them to not happen as I remember the day my life changed I'm trying to stay positive for my family putting on the smile just breaking inside. Sorry for rambling on haven't found a way to put all my emotions down or even let it out as when I think of things still can't get past those last two months along with the hardest day of my life holding her hand and watching her take her last breath. Not sure how to move forward

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 8, 2017 at 12:09am

Luisa, you are in my prayers as well. And I wish that I could be there for you when you need a friend.

I wish that I could find a distraction. Everything just reminds me of my mom. What is really hard for me is to see a mother with her adult child. Not long ago that was me. And every day that passes is another day that I am farther removed from my mom. There is a line in "Sleepless in Seattle", where Tom Hanks son says tells him that he is having trouble remembering his mom. I remember, but I feel like she and I cannot be as attached as we were. That hurts. This is also one of the reasons why I love my little dog so much. She is something that my mom and I shared.

Theresa, you are in my heart. The timeframes of our mother's deaths are so similar, and like me, being two years removed has not lessened the pain. If anything, I miss my mom even more than I did, and it hurts that people cannot understand that. Luisa is right. There is no particular span of time that brings healing. It will happen in its own time or it may not happen at all. There is no way for me to know. I am still grieving in a big way honking way.

God Bless You all.

Comment by Luisa Salter on November 7, 2017 at 9:26pm

Bluebell, Theresa and Brett you are all in my prayers every day !

Bluebell I can relate to feeling better and then feeling worse again. It really is true how the feelings can just come out of nowhere. Sometimes during the week when I'm busy and I'm distracted with work, I feel almost normal for a little while. But as soon as I start thinking about my Mom, or especially if I see pictures of her, the pain comes back and the anxiety of never seeing her again does too.

Even just writing those words brings it back.

Sometimes if I am feeling really stuck in huge feelings of longing and sadness, after I've cried until my head hurts and I'm exhausted, I make myself do something, usually something like going for a walk while listening to a podcast. If I don't want to go out, maybe I can get interested in a movie or tv show I've never seen before. Other times I will just start doing some housework.

Brett and Theresa I imagine that you are exhausted at this point from two years of grief. I want to let you know, I don't think that it is at all unusual to be in the acute stages of grief for a couple of years. Please don't think that there is anything wrong with you or that you "should" be better by now. We will all start feeling better in God's time.

Hugs to all <3

Comment by Theresa on November 7, 2017 at 7:12pm

I was just sitting on my bed thinking I’m going sound like a broken record I go over that day my mom died in my head I replay everything sometimes you just can’t get things out of your head I guess. I remember the last thing I got to say to her which was OK mom I’ll be there at Bryn Mawr Hospital I’ll see you there and she said OK those were the last words I got to say to my mom sometimes it really hits me hard Even though I’m going on two years in December my life has changed so drastically I almost feel like I’m not the same person I actually do feel like there’s a part of me missing What even sounds horrible is if somebody says to me oh so-and-so‘s mom or dad or brother died I’m like from whatvthen they tell me and I’m like oh that’s a shame. Or find myself saying to someone that says to me your mom lived a full life in the back of my head I say you’re saying that because you have your mom.

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