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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 751
Latest Activity: Aug 13, 2023

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Missing my identity 2 Replies

Started by silvia maria. Last reply by silvia maria Aug 5, 2022.

i need my mom

Started by dream moon JO B Aug 13, 2021.

I want my Mommy 1 Reply

Started by Lucinda. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 19, 2021.

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Comment by Theresa on October 9, 2017 at 6:24pm

Crystal and thinking of why did he not send her to the hospital when he saw her in the office on Friday, I guess she had us all fooled. My mom can come off as "I'm fine" and go about her business

He should have sent her right to the hospital, come on a 92 year old, just because she didn't look to act her age, some times I feel like calling his office making an appointment to see him because he doesn't know me and reading him the riot act!!!!!

Comment by Theresa on October 9, 2017 at 6:15pm

Crystal, please, my mom didn't feel well for two days prior to going in cardiac arrest, I was at work, did I go up to see her NO, her doctor, told her to go home and take a laxative, really?  I thought nothing of what was occurring, because she acted normal, went out here and there met her friends, now when I look back I am like OMG, the things I should have been on top of and was not, I hate her dr, saying she went in cardiac arrest because of her BP, come on NO, I have to live with this thinking of things I should have done but didn't.

Comment by Theresa on October 9, 2017 at 6:09pm

Luisa, the first year after my mom died I walked around in a haze a fog, it was awful

I used to practice yoga five days a week and I recently just quit after ten years, I just have no interest

I am not nice I tell people like it is even if it is not nice

I keep saying ok come on keep going

Comment by Theresa on October 9, 2017 at 6:02pm

Brett, I am so sorry, I know how horrible losing a pet can be, especially one as special as yours was to you.

You and I both know your mom was right there waiting for her, calling her name.

She is at peace, but I know it hurts.

I am very sorry for your loss, I'm sure she was at the rainbow bridge looking for your mom.....

Comment by Crystal K on October 9, 2017 at 5:12pm

This weekend was harder than most. My mom's medical records from when she was hospitalized came in. And all the feelings of guilt and regret came flashing back.   Turns out the silent heart attack she had days before she went to the ER was likely caused by her untreated foot infection.  It contaminated the blood which sent her body to shock and caused her already weak heart to have an attack.   It all started from that infection. The infection I didn't immediately take her to the hospital for. The infection she had for a month while I was having a good time in new Zealand.   Her heart was already in bad shape due to dialysis but I wonder if she would still be here if I had taken her to the hospital before I left on my trip.  My mom is a second language English speaker, so I accompanied her on most of her doctor visits. I'm mad at her for not getting it checked out sooner or telling me how bad the cut got.  But I'm more mad at myself for not realizing it. For not realizing her old patterns of waiting out health problems until it gets very bad. For not listening to my instincts. Mad at her sisters for not realizing this while I was away. Mad at the doctors for not catching her heart problem sooner. Mad at the world for how this happened.  For my 25 years of life, I have been at my mom's bedside, and the day she gets ill, I'm not with her.  I thought I was pass all this anger but I guess it was just locked away for the meantime.  I want to get pass it, but there is also a small voice that says 'you deserve to live with this because of what I've done.   Life is so funny and cruel sometimes.  How do we even move on from something like this? How do I go back to enjoying life when this will always be in the back of my head??

Comment by Luisa Salter on October 9, 2017 at 5:06pm
Hi everyone
I appreciate reading all of your thoughts and posts about how you are dealing with losing Mom. It helps me not feel so alone. thank you all for being here.

My Mom has been gone for about 5 weeks now. I have reached a point where I have no motivation to take care of business or deal with anything. I am feeling resentful that so much of the responsibility is falling on me. Im in such a funk. I don't want to talk to anyone or deal with life stuff. I am a single Mom and I work full time, and I thought that I could just go back to my life the way it was before. But I find that I'm not very productive lately, can't concentrate and am so forgetful. I feel like I'm losing it.

Does anyone else feel that way, or have they?
I feel like just going to bed and sleeping all day. Or forever. Ugh
Comment by Brett Bowman on October 9, 2017 at 4:48pm

I lost one of mom's little dogs last night (Boo Bear). Around 3:00 am she apparently had a seizure. Poor thing was convulsing so badly. I tried to hold her and comfort her but she was in too much pain. She just wanted to walk around the house. She was bumping her head into everything. It was pitiful. When I thought the seizure was over, I put her back in her kennel. She started panting really badly and convulsing again. Her little legs were moving like she was trying to run. I got her back out of the kennel and loved on her a little longer. Sometimes she seemed aware of me and sometimes she did not. I fell asleep. She died.

I wasn't there for her when she took her last breath and that will always haunt me. She was such a wonderful little dog. She was a daddy's girl and always wanted me to pet her. She would constantly bump her little wet nose on my legs until I would reach down and rub her. If I stopped rubbing her she would do it again.

Maybe most of all, my two little girls are/were such a huge part of my mom. They kept me going through mom's illness. They have been my best friends since her death. It's amazing. Just last night before she became sick I was holding her in my lap, thinking about how the day would come before I would lose them. They are both getting old, and they are all that I have left of my mom. Now I am down to one.

My mom never knew when she got these little girls what a blessing they would be to me. It's almost like mom could love me through them even after she was gone. I loved my little boo Bear.

Comment by Theresa on October 8, 2017 at 6:27pm

Hi everyone, Bluebell I am glad that it is getting easier to get through the day, but you are right we will never truly move on.

For some reason today was a bad one for me, my mom was on my mind alot.  I guess because I used to go there every Sunday, then I thought about all the stuff we used to go and the places we went and had fun.

I know I will miss her the rest of my life, I hope that she knows that I tell her everynight that I love her.

Some days are just more difficult than others, but I just keep going.

Comment by BLUEBELL on October 7, 2017 at 12:26pm

I know the emptiness I felt in the first few months after Mom's death was so overwhelming that I wish I could have just ceased to be. But it is getting easier to get through my day. I am grateful and I think it is okay to feel better. But I will never truly move on. I will always miss her.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on October 6, 2017 at 10:49pm

You guys are preaching to the choir. 

 

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