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Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 7, 2017 at 1:08am

Dear John,

It seems you lost your beloved Diane a month (almost: 4th August to  6th September) after I lost my wonderful Joseph. What you say here is so poignant. On Joseph's Facebook page I wrote: "How do yo measure time? Three years seems like a lifetime, and yet it also seems like it was only yesterday that we held hands at the hospital." Like you, I do not cease to wonder how I made it to this point, how I survived the three years...

Please know that you have my deepest empathy as I can relate to what you are going through today, on this marker day. Take care. And may peace find you.

Comment by John T. on September 6, 2017 at 7:59pm

Three years ago today I lost Diane and all I can think today is it's been that long since I've talked to her.  I'm not sure how I made it to this point or the point to me having made it.  It's so very long and yet it seems to have been only a few months.  The pain is dull now instead of searing but the sense of loss is still more than I can comprehend.  I am grateful for the people here with whom I can share my feelings.  I would have been even more lost without you.  Thank you.

Comment by Nancy on September 6, 2017 at 7:52pm

Thank you Trina for your kind words.

Comment by Mary T on September 6, 2017 at 7:44pm

It has been a little over 2 years since I lost my husband and there are so many days that I feel like I am just existing although I guess those days are better than the ones that I just feel sad.  I am finding it so hard to be around other people because listing to them talking about their spouses all the time just makes me feel worse. I know it is unreasonable to expect people not to talk about their spouses but it can be so hard to deal with.  

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on September 6, 2017 at 8:37am

To All-I walk around the house and can't seem to stop I still have all the material things that I always had but now I'am missing my love so hard not having her I took care of her for a long time and miss that gave me purpose so sad and lonely

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on September 4, 2017 at 8:13am

Hi John-Yes the day they walked in the Hosp. room and said she won't be coming home with you did put me in shock -We raised 4 kids not all in state and that helps I so wished we could have had a talk before she passed-She got to see all the kids and I held her close when she left so sad and lonely now you are right people do not understand that special loss-Would love to come home and say Hi Honey

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 3, 2017 at 11:04pm

Hello All,

I was gone from this site for a while and now I am back. I read the latest posts and was very sorry to see two new members here. Nancy and Bruce, to both of you my condolences to you on the loss of your wonderful spouse.

As so many people here, John, morgan, Alice, Bluebird, Linda and others have so eloquently expressed, the loss of our spouse is one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences that we humans will ever face. And like the others have said, it really takes time for the pain to lessen. For me, I crossed the three year mark on August 4th, but to this day I cannot wait to come to my journey's end, to be finally reunited with my darling Joseph. The pain has lessened some, but it is very hard to live day to day. It's pointless and I have no interest in life whatsoever.

Alice's way of putting how things are for many of us is so true! Alice, you just hit the nail on the head. It's "learning to live with HIM, not without him." In everything I do, Joseph is right next to me. All my thoughts, actions, and aspirations are with Joseph. My life is completely bound with him. Others around me, especially my siblings, are tired of my being "stuck in my grief," as they see it. No one who has not lost their soulmate, the love of their life, has any idea about how it feels to have to go on living when the love of your life is gone. If it were up to me, I would join Joseph, but unfortunately, it is not in my hands and like so many of us here, I have to go on living against my will. So those people who judge me for "wallowing in self-pity" after three years, don't know how deep this loss is. Nothing and no one brings comfort or respite. I just while away the hours, days, weeks, and months in anticipation of my liberation. Wo/man is mortal, so I know that sooner or later I will die. That's how I console myself and give myself courage.

Three years later, now I can have a few good--more like okay--days in a row, but inevitably after those good days I relapse into my post-Joseph state of mind: tears, pain, angst.  

I wish you all, especially, Nancy and Bruce, some respite, at least a few days without feeling intense pain and sorrow.

Comment by John T. on September 3, 2017 at 8:27pm

Two months.  You're still feeling it simply isn't possible she's gone.  I don't even like to try and remember what that feeling was like.  It was beyond any pain I ever felt.  So many times during those first months, it was as if the ground had been ripped from beneath my feet and I was in a continual, hopeless freefall.  There is no describing the sense of loss in the beginning and there are no words to describe it to those who mean well and want to help.  You are speaking a language that few can understand.  I have found that people here do.  God bless you and may you find some measure of peace very soon, Bruce.

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on September 3, 2017 at 8:08pm

Thanks Nancy we were in this house so many years and you know how women are so good at matching things in the house so I see that every day-I need to thank her for teaching me so much-Stay strong

Comment by Nancy on September 3, 2017 at 7:28pm

I hear you Bruce. I hate being home. I work a lot to keep from being there. I lost my husband May 10th and we were married 43 years. He was only sick 7 months so I'm still in shock. God Bless you.

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