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Comment by Brett Bowman on September 9, 2017 at 10:55pm

Blubell, after my mom died a neighbor went on hospice. She asked me to be her caretaker. It was not a pleasant experience. I had just disposed of the morphine and other medications that Hospice provided. The daily pill planner, the hospital bed, the oxygen tank. Once again those things were staring me right in the face. It was too much too soon. To this day it would still be hard for me to see those items. The DNR certificate, all of those things took me back to a difficult place. I never let her (Sue) see it but geez it hurt. I also knew that Sue was going to die, just like my mom did. I saw the way her kids loved on her but I knew that they would soon be facing the same thing  that I had just faced. I saw them argue with each other and even talk back to Sue, and I knew how much they would soon regret that.

I can certainly see how your job would be a trigger but I hope that you will face it head on as best you can. Some people have a job. I have a job. You have a calling. Believe me when I tell you that you are blessed. I am very proud of you. I know that your mom is proud of you, too.

Comment by BLUEBELL on September 9, 2017 at 10:05pm

Right now my job is one of many triggers which bring on intense grieving for my Mom. I try to separate the two, but it is hard.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on September 9, 2017 at 4:48pm

Theresa, days off are always difficult for me, too. I remember when I could not wait for my days off and I hated to see them end. Now they give me too much time to think and to remember.

Bluebell, you are strong. This may sound strange but I envy you very much. You have an incredible purpose. You have the opportunity to touch lives every single day, and not just your care receiver, but the families that you work with. You have a calling. You are very blessed.

Comment by Theresa on September 9, 2017 at 2:51pm

Bluebell, you are a very strong person to do what you are doing.

God Bless you

Comment by BLUEBELL on September 9, 2017 at 1:37pm

One of my patient's passed away yesterday and another is very sick with infection. It was a hard day of with anxiety and tears. 

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on September 9, 2017 at 6:44am

People tell me you are just like your mom, and I couldn't be more flattered.

Weekends give me too much time to think, but I try to keep busy.

Comment by Brett Bowman on September 7, 2017 at 12:42am

I knew that I couldn't save mom. She had dealt with so many bouts with cancer. Her little body was just worn out. She had very bad COPD. She was having congestive heart failure almost weekly. She could not expel Co2. She put up an incredible fight, but it had to end.

The way my mom fought makes me not want to give up. She is still a tremendous inspiration to me.

Comment by BLUEBELL on September 6, 2017 at 12:01pm

I have regrets of things I said to my Mom in her last days that I live with. But I know now thatI said them out of fear of losing her and I wanted her to try harder. Where she is now, she has a deeper understanding of what was in my heart when I said those words and I know she has forgiven me. What I have a hard time with is thinking if I had just done that, or just done this, Mom would still be alive. But I have the support of someone I trust who has told me I did everything right and it was just her time to go to the Lord.
Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on September 6, 2017 at 10:40am

Theresa, mom sure died knowing that I loved her. She had my heart and she knew it.

I hope one day that will be enough to help me find some peace. 

God Bless you all.

Comment by Theresa on September 6, 2017 at 10:16am

Brett from what I have read that you've written you have done a wonderful job taking care of your mom please don't have any regrets on that.and All of us love our moms but we must go on and live our lives carrying this deep sadness with us some do some don't
Brett I do agree with you but some people are just not compassionate I have learned that after losing my mom and I'm not trying to say their day will come but it is all in my memory I will not forget who was beside me and her was not
I hope everyone has a good day I am off to work
God bless everyone and God bless our moms

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