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Comment by Lost with out him on July 17, 2017 at 6:56pm

Bluebird,so sorry to hear about the passing of your dear sweet Benny. I have two cats and know the love I have for on them. Thinking about you during this difficult time (( hug))

Xx

Comment by John T. on July 16, 2017 at 6:55pm

bluebird, I was visiting my sister today and she brought up a cat I had a dozen years ago.  He was my best friend a very special little guy.  All of the sudden, I started crying and she looked shocked.  Next week is my wife's birthday and that's part of the way I feel but it's also the connection between that cat, Diane, and myself.  I have that same reaction to movies and television shows we watched together, the music we shared, and places we visited.  Her birthday will be really hard but there is actually no day that is not difficult at times.  If I lost one of the cats I have now, I would lose another connection to the life we shared together.  It would be devastating and no one in my family would understand.  Take care of yourself, bluebird, and God grant peace to all of you here.  Thank you each for understanding and talking about your feelings.  It helps some to know I'm not alone in the way I feel.

Comment by bluebird on July 16, 2017 at 6:27pm

Well the vet did come and put Benny (our cat) to sleep on July 10th.  It's sad, I'm sad, because I miss him and love him for himself, and also because he is a link to my husband, but it went as well as it could.  When the vet got here I asked her to please have a look at him to determine if this was really the right thing to do; she did, and she said she believed it was. He had lost more weight (about another 2 pounds in 2 weeks, and he only ever weight about 11 pounds at his heaviest), as he was hardly eating anything, maybe a couple of mouthfuls of food per day, and he was dehydrated (he was drinking, but not enough), and you could just see that he didn't feel well. 

So we went ahead with it. My sister was here to support me. At least I was able to hold Benny when the vet gave him the first shot, which just makes him comfortably go unconscious over the course of a few minutes, without anxiety or fear or pain.  So I just held him and hugged him, petting him and told him how much I love him and what a good boy he is, and to go to his Daddy and sister (our little girl cat Summer, who passed 8 or 10 years ago).  After a few minutes he was unconscious, then the vet gave him the other shot, but he didn't feel it, he wasn't aware (the vet said he was completely unconscious; she could have performed surgery and he wouldn't have felt anything or been aware of anything). I kept talking to him and petting him anyway, until he passed.

I'm sad about him not being here, and I love him and miss him very much, just as I do our cat Summer and of course my husband.  I can't get used to him not being here; There has been a cat in my life for the past 15 or so years, and I keep thinking "Oh, I need to feed Benny", or "Where's Benny? I want to go love on him and pet him", stuff like that.  The house is so empty and quiet and dead now.

Comment by Elynn m on July 16, 2017 at 6:15pm

I am reading everyone's thoughts today.   I am feeling lonely today.  Guess I've been busy a couple days this week, but it always hits me on the day after I've been so busy with other people.  I miss having Joe here to share my thoughts, or, to share time just sitting with me.....in his chair next to mine.   Didn't sleep well last night.

sorry to complain, but today has been very lonely.   It's Sunday, so I guess everyone is busy with their lives,...... and that's ok!    So I came to this site just to express my feelings.   Thanks for listening.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 16, 2017 at 6:43am

Morgan,

Until we our together again, I got this tattoo with both our hands becoming one.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 16, 2017 at 6:37am

Morgan,

I feel the same as you, hate waking up each morning without him.

Comment by morgan on July 15, 2017 at 2:21pm

Please come and get me baby.......please.

Comment by Lost with out him on July 11, 2017 at 6:50pm

Hi Jen:

I could not read your reply to me until you became friends with me. I think the vibration thing is also a way that they can communicate. I think that the " pull" would be something I would like to experience. I have not experienced anything in a while and am a bit upset about it. It's like he left :( I could feel him much of the time at the beginning. I too am finding it difficult dealing with the loneliness and the realization that he is not coming back. His communication is the only thing I can hold on to. This sucks.. And I ask him everyday to send me a sign he is here.
Take care :) xxoo

Comment by JenShep on July 2, 2017 at 12:50pm

Lost with out him,

Thank you so much for your note.  I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place - I can't figure out how to reply directly to your note. You're right about putting on the brave face everywhere else and having this as a place to say what we really feel. That is comforting. I am definitely getting the feeling that people don't want to hear about it any more. I know for me that Tom was it. So, how can I really talk/think about anything else?  Everything else is just acting! 

I'm really amazed and happy that when you talked to the medium that Andrew came through.  I have spoken with two different mediums and the first one was pretty terrible - nothing resonated at all.  The second one was better but I'm still not convinced.  A lot of the info was pretty generic. So I've given up on mediums for now. It's hard to get my hopes up and then have them dashed. I'm working more on trying to figure out how to communicate with Tom on my own because I trust myself more than anyone else!

But, I will tell you about a couple of the things that I've experienced that have made me rethink my entire atheist viewpoint. The first experience was when I was trying to sleep but couldn't and had been lying there for hours. All of the sudden there was this crazy vibration coming from his side of the bed. I sensed that it was Tom. It was magnetic, pulling me towards it. It was very scary. I kept telling myself not to freak out, that it is Tom. It happened again a few nights later and then a third time a few nights after that. Then while going through my notes in my phone I came across a dream I had back in January of last year. It was that my dad (who died when I was 12) had come to visit me and he was a vibration and I knew it was him because of his specific vibration.  This plus the vibration/magnetic experiences really made me start to think that Tom had been trying to visit me to tell me that he was still here, that he still exists. Following that I had similar vibration "visits" but these got so much better. Instead of being a magnetic "pull" and kind of scary, these were beautiful, full-body vibrations that made me feel like Tom was just loving me. I was definitely fully awake/conscious. I've had other smaller things - signs, etc but I can always analyze those away :( These vibration "visits" though have made me start reading everything I can get my hands on about the afterlife. My beliefs are still forming but there is so much more comfort in thinking that Tom still exists and that I will be with him again. 

There's so much more but I don't want to ramble on. I'm meditating and trying to see if I hear anything from Tom. Sometimes I do. It could be all in my head but I am going to keep at it. I'm trying to open my mind so that I can experience the things we cannot see. I feel like I will spend my life trying to get to him. It's the only thing that keeps me calm. 

I do highly recommend reading "Same Soul, Many Bodies" by Brian Weiss, MD. It opened my eyes to something very compelling. He has another one that I just bought called "Only Love is Real. A Story of Soulmates Reunited." I can't wait to read this one since it is so pertinent. 

Btw, I understand your playing Andrew's death over and over and how traumatizing it must have been and still is to you. I do the same thing. It's awful when that enters my head. I want to think of Tom the way he was before he was sick but those terrible memories are a part of my mind that I can't erase. I've been told that in time those terrible thoughts go away and then we are left with the good/happy memories. I don't know but I hope this is true. 

Much love. I hope you can have a sort-of decent day <3

Comment by Elynn m on June 30, 2017 at 11:11pm

Kim,  I am sorry for your lisd.

  take time as much for yourself as you need...if possible take  time off of work so you can think.    Maybe a close friend could help you do what you need to do.   You are right, your son cannot accept your husband's death.  

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