Moving on, it sounds so final, I'm not sure I'm ready to move on, I know I don't want to, not if moving on means living my life without Shirl, alone. I know I have no choice, this is reality but I still feel this is so unreal, I'm waiting for normality to return, treading water till it does. I thought I was doing ok, thought I was surviving, now the whole grief thing has hit me again with its full force, I'm back to square one, just staying in bed, hiding from it. I'm no where near moving on x

Views: 162

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Jackie:

I agree, I joined this group and have been worried all night that I should not have. I am no where near moving on either. In fact the way I feel now I am content not to as to not devalue our relationship. So I will watch from afar and see the steps others take and be happy for them. I am back to square one some days too. ((Hug)) xx

Jackie & Lost, The loss of our spouse is like nothing we could have ever dreamt it would be.  After 35 years with my husband and having known him for 55 with lots of trial and tribulations in between there are no real set ways of coping.  Baby steps is one I have lived by but it helps only because I know I can only take everything in small doses.  Doing what used to be second nature, those abilities are all gone.  You will think that the pain cannot possibly continue and yet you will hit rough waters when they decide, not when you do.  Your energy levels will be sorely tested.  You will ask yourself time and time again how much longer, how much further, home much more?  And it will continue.  Death has its way with those who are left behind to have to figure out why.  Your brain will take over at times and you will beg for delivering your body from it all.  The people who understand are here.  Others will try and some are just plain unable to empathize but here you will find we share the pain of loss.  Nothing compares to this loss and no one can know how it feels until they are here.  The best we all do is keep trying to stay afloat.

Dont try to manage grief.  Dont think you need to do better.  Just be.  Do the best you can for the moment you breathe.  Its all we've got now.  It's a bitch and ditch the saying "moving on".  You will try to co-exist with grief.  That's it.  And there is a sliver of consolation I can offer which is it comes less often.  After four+ years I can attest to that.......and at that point you will have a much deeper awareness of how reaching out to others who know how you feel was a lifeline......It's true, we have no choice and we aren't doing ok but for today we are one day closer to joining our beloveds and letting the rest of us know how much it hurts here in this corner of the world will help.  

Moving on is not forgetting. Moving on for me right now is only taking myself to some other level - better to say moving out of pain. Guilt. Jakie sent me some time a site where they say - you did not cause his death, you did not kill or hurt anybody so there should be no guilt.

Guilt. Jakie sent me some time a site where they say - you did not cause his death, you did not kill or hurt anybody so there should be no guilt.

Somehow any time widow/widower says "moving on" people equal it to dating somebody. Dating is somewhere on another planet right now. You cannot hurt yourself jumping into relationships with an open wound in your heart, you cannot hurt somebody putting a mask of your late loved the one on his/her face and expecting them to act like your beloved. 

I wish I had lots of money just to manage my life for a couple of years without worrying about finances and future. Unfortunately, I am 100% sure that I cannot keep the house alone. Even if I find a job - still male's hand required. And it hurts my feelings as I am not ready for any male hand in my house... Absolutely stupid situation. Was thinking about roommate but the house with 3 rooms only and 2 dogs, and 1 bathroom is not good for any extra "mates". 

OK, I have decided to move out of pain. Staying hurts. No new thoughts or ideas today. Wasted day....

RSS

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service