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Comment by Theresa on May 13, 2017 at 7:59am

So tomorrow will be Mother's Day this is my second Mother's Day without my mom it doesn't seem to get any easier ...

Comment by Theresa on May 5, 2017 at 5:49am

I'm tired too, everyday is an effort

Comment by Jane on May 4, 2017 at 7:33pm

exhausted.  it has been 2.5yrs since my Mom has passed, I'm so tired.  I lost all energy to clean my house, to train for races, etc.  I am married but I'm not sure if that is going well either.  Everything sucks.  I don't even have the energy to clean.

So we have a good friend who is in the cleaning business, and I finally called her to ask for help :(  I can't believe I am actually getting a cleaning lady. Really?  ... but this is what happens when life strips you of all energy you have. 

Comment by Heather on May 4, 2017 at 3:01pm

Hi Paula Marie,
I'm so sorry for your losses. Since losing my mom last year, there is a life shift in how I see the world now and it REALLY does change you. I don't have any friends except fir one ( she really GETS what I'm going through -she lost her mom years ago). All of friends from childhood never so much as called or emailed to ask how I'm doing. I really think it is because they don't want to deal with that reality of losing their own mom eventually. I know I was always uncomfortable around people who had lost someone, now I realize how unfair I was to them. What I know now is that you don't need to say or do anything for the person other than to just "be" and listen to them. That is all I wanted from my childhood friends that knew my mom. If one of those friends had just shared a memory of my mom with me it would have meant the world to me and brought such comfort....it is so sad that that never happened. Maybe it is me, like what you said in your post....but I'm ok with that, losing her changed me and I'm not the same quiet mouse anymore. That is something others don't know how to process...this new person that is angry and hurting...so they stay away because it is easier than facing it.... wishing you much peace. Take care
Heather

Comment by Paula Marie on May 4, 2017 at 1:44pm

Theresa, I too, am an adult who lost a mother four years ago very, very unexpectedly and still am having a very, very difficult time adjusting to this new "surreality." I feel I've changed so much inside, and not in good ways. I feel angry, hostile, bitter, and sad. If you'd like to private message me, feel free to do so. I also have a dog who acted very, very strangely after her death. He tried to knock her ashes off the dresser, and would howl breathtakingly in the middle of the night both in her room or outside her door. He somehow knew she was gone forever. I've lost a lot of friends since this, friends I've known since childhood, so it must be me. I can't relate to hardly anyone and just want to be alone.

Comment by Theresa on May 3, 2017 at 6:07pm

So today I miss my mom a lot, I try not to think too much about it, because the sadness takes me back to the day I last spoke to her.

I spoke with my brother today and told him I miss mom everyday, its really really hard, but I try to keep going.

I feel like this is the way it will be for the rest of my life.

I am just glad I found this site, at least I have people to talk to .

 

Comment by Tasha on May 2, 2017 at 10:08am

Rhonda
I too kept kids from my mom. Mine were 6, 3 a 1 when she had stroke. We visited but it was short and I would take the kids starving with food for all of us so I knew they would sit for at least ten Mins eating. My mom threw my nephew after stroke, something total out of character. So all visits had to b short and whole time praying kids didn't get too close if she snapped. It's something I regret everyday . I never get dreams of her or little messages and now with my son's dad dying I feel like my heart is ripped more. How can I tell him it's going to b ok?? I was 28 when my mom passed and it forever changed me. What damage has my son's father death done to him? I can't stand the sad look in his big Brown eyes....

Comment by rhonda jean on May 2, 2017 at 9:15am

Hi Theresa. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and understand what you mean by it felt like someone else was in her body. My mom had kidney failure and devoloped a condition known as calciphylaxis, which results from very high calcium in the blood. The calcium changed my mom into a different, very angry human being before we even knew what was wrong. She was sweet as can be prior to that - everyone loved here, and she worked as a nurse for 40 years before getting ill. Anyway, I know it's different, but I didn't even know the human being I was taking care of. My nana also had a stroke last year and changed as well, although she did come back to us w ith no permanent damage. Your comment struck a chord. It IS like losing your loved one twice..I totally understand and empathize.
It's only been two years since losing my mom but I struggle too. Perhaps not daily now,p - I don't feel like the wind got sucked out of my life so often, but it hurts and it just a giant hole. Worse, because she did change I have memories of her that I'd rather not remember now. When she was at her worst I kept my daughters away mostly, and now I feel terrible for it. I'm not saying they didn't visit in the hospital or nursing home, but they didn't go as often as they would have if she was not so GRRR, and I didn't push it because I knew how upsetting seeing her this way was. Eventually they did get her calcium under control and she came back to us (again somewhat different, like a child almost) before passing on, but the memories for me never went away and perhaps never will. I hope you find some solace here, I don't often write anything but I do come in and check in when I feel I need to be reminded there are others like me who are mourning their moms. It makes me feel not quite so all alone...and maybe it will help you some too!

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 2, 2017 at 9:07am

Tasha

I am sorry you have suffered so many losses. If I could be your Mom, I would gather you up in my arms and kiss all the tears away. I think that is what she would have done. God bless you. May you feel your Mom's presence with you today and know that she loves you and wants you to be happy.

Bluebell.

Comment by Theresa on May 2, 2017 at 6:51am

Tasha
I am so sorry to hear of all of your sadness
May God be with you because I'm sure he's walking right beside you

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