Hi Pamela, everything you say is true, I hate my life now, I cry all the time, I'm a mobile hairdresser and even doing people's hair i have tears running down my face and trying to talk normal. Today I was driving and a car coming the other way overtaking a tractor heading straight for me, in stead of breaking or swerving, I just thought this is the way out. It did get back in and missed me tho, how bad is my life that I was quite happy to be smashed to bits in my car. I don't sleep, I stay awake till 3 in morning then up again at 6. I used to love being in bed snuggled and safe from the world, now it's just another empty space.
There is no joy left for me now
Hi Pamela, sorry you are going through this, I can not offer much support as I'm broken myself after my partner of 36 years died 12 March. All the people on here are going through the same thing and are a great support but nothing can take the pain of this agonising hell we are in. I hope you have family and friends to support you. I think however our loved ones have died we all feel a sense of guilt. I do because although I was doing chest compressions for 40 mins whilst waiting for the ambulance, I didn't know if I was doing it right, and I couldn't have been because it didn't work, so now I'm on my own trying to just keep breathing but really wishing I would just stop breathing.
Try to be kind to yourself x
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Anyone who has lost their gay partner..soon finds that there may be a few things that are different...such as sorting through things and feeling like an intruder because it is also family stuff etcSee More
An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true. Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions. This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
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There is no joy left for me now
Try to be kind to yourself x
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