Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Maxey on March 30, 2017 at 1:30pm

Thanks so much for this! I do this all day; I talk to my husband when I am doing things in the house, I sing with him in the car like we used to do, and I tell him stories and ask him to look at nature when I walk. Crazy? I guess whoever wrote this agrees with my "insanity". Maxie

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Jordan on March 19, 2017 at 12:27am

It took us 40 years to find each other...yeah, I get it.My own daughter doesn't speak much of him. Granted, not his daughter, but the grandson was/is definitely his.  It's harder....trying to talk to a 4 year old about his passed Bauba.  Seriously, though....interacting with others is not a bad thing.   You just need to find the right group.   I had a social evening tonight, but was still lost in my hunny. I played a song for my friends that brought as many tears to their eyes as mine....but they owned their own sorrow... and that's what I see not happening for you.    i don't let them forget him though.   I don't care if they want me to stop, I keep talking.   Maybe you might try.

I will say most of my family has tried to understand.  I'm the youngest of 4 and none of them has lost a spouse like me...even my mother.  His parents handled it much differently than anyone in my family, and I get it.  I'm at a loss of how to deal with them.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on March 19, 2017 at 12:44am

That is so beautiful, thank you for sharing that.

Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on March 29, 2017 at 7:36pm

I don't understand why people think that time makes things easier or better it's been 18 months since I lost my mother 9-6-15 and my husband 9-14-15 it's just getting worse plus the fact that my so called friends and family haven't called or even seem to care how I am then I hear statements like give it time it'll get better it will get easier you will be able to move on what the hell does that even mean all I know is I am alone and no one gives a crap if I wasn't here

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on March 29, 2017 at 8:55pm

I understand totally what you're talking about Pamela, I called a grief hotline today and he used that phrase that I despise with every fiber of my being "Get through this" I told him for me to so called Get through this" I would have to stop loving my beautiful wife and that will NEVER happen. Honestly the only people that can understand us is us. I do know for a fact that the people on this site care for eachother including you. This isn't something you get over or get through. This is a new burden that we have to try our best to carry and we're all here to support eachother the best way we can. Take care cause We care.

Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on March 30, 2017 at 6:14pm

Thankyou Kevin I appreciate that a lot this is why I like this site hope you have a good day thanks again

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on March 29, 2017 at 9:31pm

Kevin, I see couples at the grocery store.  I want to tell  them to hold one another.  To love one another and be kind.  In the blink of an eye one of them could be gone.  I wear dark glasses too.  I have to.  I can start to cry anywhere, anytime....mostly for no reason.  Usually my mind is blank.  No one will understand unless they live through this.   I don't know that I'll see John again.  I don't think I believe anymore.  It feels good to sit down and type a few sentences to people who really understand.  I just want my husband back.  My beautiful husband.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on March 29, 2017 at 9:47pm

Oleta, when my beautiful wife was here, this world had so much potential for us to do so much together and be happy and now that she's gone it's become a prison sentence until I'm reunited with her again, I believe in my heart that we will definitely see our loved ones again and that's what I look forward to. This pain seems unbearable at times and I thank everyone on this site for being there and letting me know that I'm not alone. Our love for our loved ones is way too strong for it to end, there will definitely be a continuation to this love story.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on March 30, 2017 at 5:28am

Good morning Kevin.  Another day begins without our loved ones.  Tears are automatic when I wake up.  I never wanted to think of life without John.  Fifteen months and I still have as hard time believing it's not a bad dream.  I can still hear his voice.  I have to get myself together and do a few things then come home to this empty house.  John took care of me.  I had to learn how to pump gas and how to do the taxes.  So many things.  When I come home, as usual I will yell to no one, "I'm home John."  Is it a home without him?  Nothing in my life or yours will ever be the same will it~!!God Bless us.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on March 30, 2017 at 10:53am

No Oleta, We will never be the same again, something in me died along with my beautiful wife. People try to bring out that old Kevin and as hard as I try, he's just not there, so I gotta once again put on my mask. Every morning I wake up the band aid gets ripped off again.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on March 30, 2017 at 1:19pm

Kevin et al,    John always said "Dead is dead"...."When you are dead, that's it, no more, there is nothing."  I didn't want to believe what he said & I have been trying to see-find some kind of message or sign from him.  Sometimes I THINK there is a sign, some obscure something then I think NO, it's not a sign.  I always thought that John loved me so much, if there is a way to reach out and touch me, his love would do it. I dearly want to believe but there is such doubt in me.  I met someone the other day who has been a widow for almost 30 years.  I can't imagine living alone for another 30 years...living without John.  This club, this "Left behind spouses" club is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  On that last day I wish I had screamed out to him not to leave me.  He didn't think or know he was dying and I didn't say anything as I didn't want to upset him.  I wish to God I had begged him not to leave me.  Maybe someday this won't hurt as much and I won't cry.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on March 30, 2017 at 2:11pm

Oleta, I just believe that our loved ones are just on the other side waiting for us. I've seen my wife a couple of times since she's been gone. There's no rhyme or reason as to when I had those dreams or as I call them visions. Please just try to believe and I pray he'll visit you in your dreams soon. I wanted so much for my wife to stay as well but I've seen up close and personal what that horrible disease called cancer did to her and I knew that she couldn't take it any longer. I knew she didn't want to leave us but she didn't deserve to go through that pain any longer.

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