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Comment by Theresa on March 22, 2017 at 8:44pm

I just had to say when I get in bed at night I have such a hard time - I cry mostly every night and I remember that every night when i used to talk to my mom on the phone when we were hanging up she would say love you...And I think to myself who knew that on Friday night before she died it would be the last time ....
I sit here in bed watching TV and going over things in my mind over and over again

Comment by Theresa on March 22, 2017 at 2:55pm

Bluebell. It takes time and I don't care if it's five years
We have to grieve
My friends just don't understand.
I really only have everyone on here which I am glad for

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 22, 2017 at 11:18am

I hope what I said did not sound like I was discounting the path you are on Theresa. I think it is wonderful and will help. I am just not there yet.

Bluebell

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 22, 2017 at 10:19am

Theresa

I am on the me train too, I know that. But it has been only a little more than a month. I am still picking up the pieces.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on March 22, 2017 at 9:47am

Bluebell, that day was awful the finality of it, I cried terribly, I remembered when she leased her car 6 months ago she said to the salesman, what if I die before the lease is over and I said stop it mom....crazy.

Last year I felt like I was in a fog a haze to say

I will say my heart still aches, but today my yoga instructor said to everyone its time to get off the "me" train.......and I know I have been on it for quite a while, my hurt is for me not for my mom, I am sad for me.

I pray and keep my faith for God to give me strength and carry me through this horrible time in my life.

My instructor also said something very deep, tell me what you think he means because I am still thinking it over, he said to everyone "what was your name before your mom and dad were born"

He is on you tube if you want to check him out his name is Johnny Gillespie - Empowered Yoga he is the owner of two studios, I can say yoga has helped me through this.

Comment by Tanya on March 22, 2017 at 9:13am

Thanks Nancy and Theresa.  It's funny when my grandmother passed away, my mom kept a blouse that she wore.  The odd time she would wear it.  My mom kept it 27 years and than my mom passed away and I saw the blouse in the closet.  I took it knowing the sentimental value of it and put it in some plastic.   I could still smell my mom on it.  It's not the clothes but the memories attached to them.  I'm sure donating your mom's belongings was very hard.

When you think about it, your parents are the longest relationship you have (depending on circumstances) so their memory will be attached from a favorite meal, a piece of clothing, a song, a smell...I could go on but they are so entwined in our lives.  Having to say goodbye to a loved one that has been there since your first breath until their last dying breath is not an easy and I don't believe that you ever get over it.  My mom and I are best friends, we fought, laughed and loved.  Did everything together and I lived with her until I was about 32 and we were going to move back in together just before she got sick.  Miss is probably not an accurate word, maybe lost or longing.

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 22, 2017 at 8:55am

Theresa

Such a couple of bad days for me. Mom's belongings being donated was such a huge trigger for me. I had no idea it would be so intense. I am so discouraged. I am wondering if it will ever get better.

How did you feel when you turned in your Mom's rental car?  Was it really intense? Do you remember how long it took you to recover from it?

I think I need a big dose of hope that it will get better and I will not be stuck in the emotional state that I am in right now.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on March 22, 2017 at 5:55am

Bluebell, I donated my moms clothes quickly and I kept a large bin I bought at Home Depot with my keepsakes in it.

My mom leased a car and when I brought it back it really hit me more than anything. 

Some days are worse than others I guess I will never stop missing her.

 

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 21, 2017 at 11:08pm

Nancy,

It is just ripping me apart tonight. Maybe it was too soon. But what is done is done. I do not feel very amazing tonight, but thank you.

Bluebell

Comment by Heather on March 21, 2017 at 11:06pm

I agree with you What Nancy just said...Bluebell, It does take a lot of courage to do what you were able to do and donate your Mom's things. We are coming upon a year and have finally cleared out my moms apartment (with the exception of a few large family pictures and other odds and ends) and will be listing it in a few weeks. I'm at a loss with what I originally agreed to take and am now thinking where am I going to put that? At the same time I am paralyzed with anxiety at the thought of letting some of her things go... maybe one day I will be able to get there for now I'm just not ready... this is very much an individual journey, but I hope and wish all of us here much peace...

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