Talking to people about my loss & grief helps me

It's been a month since my partner passed away. I found that talking to people helped me. Today, my Airbnb host gave me an insight that I haven't thought about before we had this conversation. He said that everyone eventually passes away. That is the natural course of life. It is the untimely death of the person that makes it harder to accept this reality. My partner was 40 years old when he passed away. I had many plans before he had cancer. In my mind, we will grow old together. In my mind, the future us will be the same, only older. We will have coffee together, exercise together & do the things we love doing together such as watching French comedies & Nordic Noirs. The future will still be there but that future will be a future without my partner. It is painful. I dread a future without him in it. I want to be with him. 

I told people my story. Not because I am desperate for sympathy but because I cannot make sense of this and I am looking for answers. I am happy that I opened up to people who cared to listen. One advice that I want to start doing is to wish my partner well even if he already left his physical body. I must continue wishing good things for him. Afterall, isn't that what we do when a person is physically alive? Why not keep on doing that after? We do not know what happens after death. I want him to be happy & to be at peace. 

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Comment by cin po on March 23, 2017 at 8:11am

Hi Jewels,

I am so sad that your husband died a sudden death. My partner and I had a conversation about what's the worst thing that could happen to him. We talked about it for hours and we cried a lot that night. In a way we were saying goodbye to one another but I didn't realize that until he was gone.  We never talked death again when he started his treatments. I still wished that he had accepted what was coming. It would have been easier for me if only he was ready to go.

Comment by Kathleen Jordan on March 20, 2017 at 10:47pm

My other half (it took us 40 years to find each other) is with me everyday....after 5 months.  Yes...talking helps me so much.  One reason I joined this community.....I know he isn't feeling the pain he was and that all is good with him.   Faith matters, feelings matter, futures unclaimed matter.   We were going to outlive our parents and be them...stansions for our family.   And now, I don't even know that the grandson even remembers him....I understand what you mean...if he's with you...he's there.  I agree with saying hello, hope you are good.

Comment by Jewels on March 20, 2017 at 2:14pm

Cin Po, 

I'm sorry for your loss and truly understand.  I lost my partner at the young age of 45.  He left for work at 8:30am and was pronounced dead at 9:41am.. massive heart attack while driving.  I cry everyday, because I now question my own mortality and purpose for living.  We had so many plans for the future.  I too have asked "why" and can't understand.   

This is not an answer, but a quote that I read and hopefully you can find a little comfort as I found myself asking all these questions. 

There will sometimes not be an answer. 

    "Why do some people die young and others of old age?  Why do good people die and bad people live?  I don't know.  Why are people married 60 years and I only had 32?  Why did I lose a wife and so many people still have them?  I don't know.  I don't know. I don't know.  The why will never be answered, ever.  So I just want you to know there will be unanswered questions and you just have to at some point be OK with thinking, "Well there is no answer."  It's part of the great mystery of life."  

Take care

Comment by cin po on March 19, 2017 at 10:08am
Hi Stephanie,

Thank you for reaching out and for offering to listen. I am sorry that you have lost the only person that seemed to care about you. I am happy that you had someone beside you throughout those dark and difficult days.
Comment by dream moon JO B on March 15, 2017 at 6:12pm

so sorry on yore loss 

on hear is grt coz no 1 tel us for grivin or says its slf pity lk iv bean tld so mush i hav i hit slf dectrt wen my dad died stil do hit slf descrt remr on off coz of so mush los so mush goin on i no its no exscus

bt im tryn 2 lern nw copmpin mecsim lite a isnes stik or candl forpep its gon spek 2 fotos i do try 

lison 2 radio hlps mst it duz i hear a sng i go in swish of mod wer im bac in hapy days mod or vintc tvwen tv wz grt

i rmer sum onse pstd on hear thy on vocason wish sort of mad me thng yep thy r mor hapy thn we ar thy cud be 

Comment by Stehanie Loughmiller on March 15, 2017 at 1:56pm

I am so sorry for your loss, I cant imagine loosing my partner. Loosing my dad was hard enough, my wife was my pillar of strength when he became ill...I probably would have killed myself If not for her. If there is anything I can do please feel free to inbox me. I am a great listener.

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