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Comment by Jane on February 26, 2017 at 8:55am

my sister could let me die of cancer losing my hair, and dying and she wouldn't give a fuck.  Yeah that how much my sister loves me.. she never did.  .. and her daughter would pull the plug.  My entire life I was so codependent I had to believe they loved me, they didn't.  They've been laughing at dinner tables for years.  Did they think I didn't notice?  Do you think maybe for a second they thought it hurt.. no it was fun to poke fun of me at dinner tables, always laughing at me. ... and now they pull the ultimate abandonment of all... pure abandonment.  I could lose all my hair from cancer, my body eaten up by a disease and my sister and her daughter would still be in their basement laughing.  This is what lingers after your Mom dies...you realize the truth of life, and it hurts that much more.

Comment by Jane on February 26, 2017 at 8:52am

...and venting about it does no good... cause my sister stalks the internet and her and her daughter get power when people get pissed that they hurt.. this gives them power.  So I'm stuck. Can't write on the internet... nothing is private.  It's so fucked up... I fucking hate them all. ... and saying all this just gives them power. I'm sure her and her daughter are laughing in their basement right now how much they have hurt me... it's so sick.

Comment by Jane on February 26, 2017 at 8:49am

Bluebell, thanks I had a counselor... but I'll call her again.  I was doing good for a while, but now I'm feeling shitty again.  It just hurts, you know.  Two of my siblings... why me?  All I did was take care of my Mom's estate.  My sister didn't help and because I vented about that, I became the bad guy.  I ended up having to be the bad guy, forcing people to get the condo ready to sell because of the courts, then my oldest brother tells me I'm the bitch... all the while my sister has my Mom's car, doesn't pay anyone for it... but that seems to be okay.  My oldest brother bullied me into forfeiting my $25K check my Mom left me... I handed it to them to take care of the condo cause they couldn't sell... I had to sign off on everything to save my ass from going crazy with their hate.  Why doesn't my oldest brother hate me so much?  Never did a damn thing to him.  Minded my own business my entire life, took care of myself and my Mom. The think that kills me is that I was forced to sign off on all her property, while my sister takes her car and pays noone.  The condo is all in their name and noone considers it at a shame what they did to me.  .. and yet, my sister stalks me on the internet, probably is reading here, reads what I write.. and sends it to my family... and she even got her daughter to hate me as well!!, LOL  I want to tell them I want all my money back I gave your kids all the years.. all the Christmas present and all the birthday presents... because this is how you treat me?  Like shit.  I'm ready to die..... I have no more reason to live :(

Comment by Theresa on February 26, 2017 at 8:43am

Jane, please remember God is right beside you, I truly believe that.

I miss my mom the same, I have no one, my husband is not supportive in that sense.

I can't remember things, I just still feel lost.

But know that we are all here for you.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 26, 2017 at 8:39am

Jane. I am sorry you are in such despair. Are you able to find a grief counselor you can talk to? You deserve to have a better life than this and maybe it would help you have it

Bluebell

Comment by Jane on February 26, 2017 at 8:32am

Theresa, I don't know if it get better... I am just one year ahead of you... it's 2 years 4 months since my Mom passed.  The pain is still great.  I think everything is compounded now.  The smallest argument with my husband turns into a full blown fight.  I have no more energy in me to fight small stuff... I just want to check out of everything in life.  Two of my siblings don't talk to me anymore cause of estate chaos, and although I'm over the initial shock and hurt from it, I wonder what's the point of living anymore.  My husband will be fine without me.  i think the only reason I don't check out is because i have one brother that loves me, that's it.  Last night I cried so hard I thought I lost the one person who truly cared for me and that was my Mom.  Honestly, I just can't wait to die :(

Comment by Theresa on February 26, 2017 at 8:25am

Bluebell, thats wonderful you had a dream of your mom!!!

I have not had any.

I feel like its up to you when you are ready to move on to the next step, take your time.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 26, 2017 at 8:04am

Hi.I dreamed I saw my Mom siting on the side of her bed. She looked young and was sitting up tall with a happy look on her face.. I ask what she was doing here. No answer. I had no idea I would miss my Mom so much' Is it unhealthy that I am still staying at her house even though I have my own? Am I dragging out my grief that way? I do not know what to expect of myself since it has only been 13 days since her passing.

Comment by Theresa on February 26, 2017 at 7:23am

Hi everyone, today is Sunday I used to go to my moms every Sunday, she would cook and we would just talk.

Sundays are so hard for me, now I am having trouble sleeping I am very anxious and that wakes me up, also my anxiety is aggravating my stomach.

Does it get better, it been one year and almost 3 months.

I just wish I could see her one more time to tell her I love her.....

Comment by Leila on February 24, 2017 at 5:56pm

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Olive! I hate that you're having to get through this day alone. You should absolutely talk about your dad. You're a whole person, not split in half with two separate losses. I wish we could sit and share a cup of tea together. When I'm alone and upset I rely on my art work or 'comfort' movies or books. Something I know and love that is soothing to me or lifts my spirits. For a long time I also relied on chocolate and ice cream, but don't do that, because I'm still working to lose the weight from it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish I could do more. 

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