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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Missing my identity 2 Replies

Started by silvia maria. Last reply by silvia maria Aug 5, 2022.

i need my mom

Started by dream moon JO B Aug 13, 2021.

I want my Mommy 1 Reply

Started by Lucinda. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 19, 2021.

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Comment by Leila on February 22, 2017 at 9:01pm
Theresa, I could cry for you. I'm so sorry you never had a chance to even say goodbye to your mom. I completely agree about The Lord giving us strength during this time of overwhelming grief. I'm Catholic and believe my mom is in heaven with God, the Saints, angels, and all of our loved ones who have gone before us. I feel selfish for wanting her back because she suffered greatly at the end of her life, so how can I possibly wish her to be anywhere but at complete peace with Our Lord? My counselor is NOT a Christian, which doesn't bother me but I know I can't discuss faith based issues with her. I admit my faith has been challenged, mainly because I'm terrified of never seeing my mom again. My oldest daughter became an atheist at some point during law school, which I respect, and sometimes her arguements against any type of religion are so compelling that the devil gets his hooks into me and I question my beliefs. I deal with it by praying. I feel as long as I'm praying my way through things I'll come out on the right side. I've mentioned this before, but something has been happening since my mom passed that makes me think she's trying to send me a sign. I keep seeing the numbers 1:11 and 11:11 on clocks (my mom's house number was 111). I don't try to look at the clock at these times, and it NEVER happened before. I wake up in the middle of the night and there it is on the clock--1:11. Yesterday I set the time on my dryer to 60 minutes and started it. It stopped on it's own and reset to 111 minutes. I'm not crazy. My husband happened to be in the room and saw it happen. He has always laughed whenever I point out my 111 phenomena. He kind of freaked out when the dryer changed to 111 minutes.
Comment by Theresa on February 22, 2017 at 7:24pm

Nancy is right Olive seeing a physician is good, I did also.

I truly believe that God is giving me strength to see me through losing my mom.

I don't know if you read the beginning of my post, my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly from cardiac arrest, I talked to her on the phone one hour prior and she was going to the hospital her stomach did not feel well, our last words from her were ok -you know what hospital, right and I said yes mom I am leaving right away, I was pulling in the hospital and I received a call from an unknown number, it was someone from the hospital stating my mom was in full cardiac arrest.  I was blinded, from that point on I was in a haze, walking around like I had no idea what I was doing, do I call the priest do I call the funeral palor, where is her dr, the medical staff walked away like it was just another day for them with the exception of one nurse who said to me "I was talking to your mom and when I turned around her eyes rolled back, she told me it was very peaceful..... really???? Please  -  that was it I never go to talk to my mom again to tell her I l love her, nothing, I am living with that every day...

Comment by Leila on February 22, 2017 at 6:24pm
My heart goes out to you, Olive. That type of anxiety is crippling. I'm glad you have a physician who is making sure your symptoms are treated. I have experienced those symptoms at a younger age after being severely injured in an automobile accident. I thought I could get by without meds, but eventually I did take them. I was blessed not to have a recurrence when my mom passed, but I think I headed it off early because my counselor prescribed a low dose of anti anxiety medication to use as needed. I rely very heavily on counseling, because it has worked for me in the past. Talking things out seems to help me. I consider it to be part of my overall health regimen.
Comment by Theresa on February 22, 2017 at 6:03pm

Olive, the answer is yes, I have extreme anxiety, I shake, its awful, even though it has been over a year, I did not want to take and SSRI, I practice yoga, it helps, but not enough.

I was wondering if anyone else suffered from this.

I pray it goes away, but as soon as I wake up it starts all over again.

Comment by Theresa on February 22, 2017 at 5:27am

Nancy, what you said is true, my mom was all I had, I miss her everyday and I don't cry everyday anymore, I try not to, just when I need to.  But I try to get ahold of myself.

It just feels as though this part of my heart will never heal.

I pray every day that she is watching over me...I have not had any dreams I guess she's just not ready to come to me.

Bluebell, I cried just the same as you, I just kept trying to think how happy she is now and remember the things she used to say to me.  Grieve at your own pace, it could be short or long, listen to your body.

To everyone after my mom passed I went to confession, the priest told me God is right beside me.  My faith is the only thing that keeps me going.  Sure isn't my friends, because they have not gone through a loss so profound as I have, they have no idea.

I am glad I found this site. 

Comment by Leila on February 22, 2017 at 12:24am
Hi, Misty.
I'm so thankful to hear your results were negative for cancer! My heart goes out to you that you couldn't have your mom by your side going through all of that. It's harder for me to share things with my dad as well, but my dad never really wanted to spend time with me until my mom passed, so I'm only just now becoming more comfortable around him. I hope you and your dad have closer relationship so you can have each other to lean on.
Comment by Leila on February 22, 2017 at 12:15am
Hi, Olive.
Theresa and I have been going through the same thing. It's almost 2 years since I lost my sweet mom. It sounds like our moms were very much alike. I still cry privately each day. I have an underlying sadness during even the happiest occasions that I believe is a permanent part of me since the loss of my treasured mother. I spend time with loved ones and friends. I participate fully in life and keep a smile on my face for the world to see. The only people who know of my deep sadness are my husband, my counselor, and y'all. Everyone has a different experience, but for me it's not easier. The grief is different in it's nature because two years have passed. It's like a chronic condition verses an acute one. I can eat normally again, I rarely cry randomly in public anymore, I can sleep better, I don't feel guilty about having fun or laughing anymore. Things like that are easier, but I still deeply yearn for my mom, miss her every moment of the day, and want to talk to her all the time. I carry her and the love we shared close to my heart and keep her alive with my memories of her. You only just lost your own dear mom, so you're in what I would call the acute stage. For me it was the worst of times and there was no help for it except to take it day by day, hour by hour, and feel the pain. I firmly believe in counseling. I need someone experienced and empathetic but not close to the situation to help me through this. I went every week for a couple of months and gradually decreased to once a month. I'll probably go forever. But that's just me so it might not be your thing. I am sending up prayers for you, Olive.
Hugs,
Nancy
Comment by BLUEBELL on February 21, 2017 at 5:23pm

Thank you Nancy for commenting and your reassurance.

To Misty and Olive-Hello. I wish we were not a part of group. But we are. For myself, it is not taking away the pain of her loss, but it is helping me feel not so alone. I have family, but it hard to talk to them openly. Because I am the baby of the family, they want to take care of me. I do not want to be taken care of. I just want for us to share our grief and support each other.

Comment by Misty on February 21, 2017 at 5:09pm
I lost my Mom 2 years ago April 12, 2015. December 4 of 2014 I lost my brother who was only 2 years younger than me. Last week I had 2 breast biopsys and I really needed my Mom. I keep thinking it will get easier until something happens. I didn't know what to tell my Dad. I'm thankful my results were great no cancer but I wanted to share my anxiety and then relief with my Mom. I don't think it ever gets easier.
Comment by Leila on February 21, 2017 at 4:44pm
Bluebell,
From what I understand it is absolutely normal. Two years later I still cry daily. The numbness protects your wounded heart and soul for short periods (in my experience).
 

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