well... it's been one year since I lost my best friend.  Now what?

I had always had a feeling that if I could just make it through the year, that there would be a "reward" on the other side.  What?  I dont know.  Maybe that my husband would walk back in the door and say "You did it. You made it one year. Here I am."  I dont know what I was thinking.

The only reward I am receiving is, another year without my husband.  I get to face another year without the love of my life.

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Hi shining light

I have felt like this for every "landmark", 1 month, 2 months & 3 months just yesterday. It doesn't seem to get easier, worse actually, particularly just having gone through Christmas & with New Year. I can't even begin to imagine how it feels at 1 year. I'm so sorry you lost your husband and you're in such pain. As to "what now?", if you figure it out, let me know. It sounds somewhat pathetic and is probably little comfort to you, but sending you virtual hugs xxx

Sending you hugs as well Louise. 

New Years Day was a special day for Nancy and me. We would listen to/view the annual New Years Day concert from Vienna. I tried to do it alone last year, I really did but I couldn't do it. I miss Nancy now with a depth of pain I never fathomed I could. It is much  deeper than it ever has been and I too miss my best friend and soul mate in a way I never thought I would, after nearly 2 years. This loneliness is unending and I can only hope that nature will take it's course quicker than it otherwise might and out me to sleep to awaken in the presence of the most perfect mate I could ever imagine. My mate....now. My condolences to you shining light and may the presence of God provide us all with some rest and  a renewed hope for the year to come.

It's been just over 2 years and I still cringe at "landmarks". That first year is such a fog. You do what you have to because you have to...then comes the second year when you realize this is it. This is what my life is regardless of what I want and you just continue to plod along, passing more milestones. Only now you continue without the "support" of friends and family because their life goes on and "so should you"(their comment, not mine). Just take it a day at a time. Let yourself be sad but also let yourself find something that can bring you a little joy.

Fran:

The plodding along is the perfect way to put it.  And I know what you speak of when it comes to doing this without the support because I believe they all think I should be moving on.

What they dont seem to understand is while they all have moved on to their lives, with their families and loved ones, I will forever live this.  It will forever be tied to me and the worst part is that it will forever be tied to a time of year that used to bring me so much joy.

So..  we soldier on... and find new and different traditions that will bring us some comfort. 

Hugs

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