Mel Royer's Comments

Comment Wall (7 comments)

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

At 6:23am on December 30, 2016, Carl accomando said…
Mel,my wife also died in my arms and her death was not expected she had a severe reaction to immune therapy and was put at our request in palative care where her our whole family was there when she passed I layers in bed and held her talking and telling her I love her now I keep reliving it even though at the time it was comforting.My son is a manager of food and restaurants at hotel Roanoke my daughter and soninlaw are teachers there . My son also worked in radio in Florida and did STAND up comedy .So next time I go I'll let you know I think it would be helpful to share our stories about the wives we loved so much.
At 3:58pm on December 29, 2016, Carl accomando said…
Mel ,just got back from Roanke was visiting children and grandkids for Christmas just lost my beautiful wife last month to cancer after 43 years of marriage its so hard to go on like this I went to Virginia at their insistance my wife would be angrey if I did not spend the holiday with our grandkids they were here life. But it was so hard everything reminded me of her well I did some painting in my granddaughters room and saw a picture of her and my wife well I lost it went to the bathroom and grief my eyes out both kids 8 and 11 came in and hugged me and gave me tissues I thought to myself I should be comforting them so I said to myself I have to go on for them they can't lose 2 grandparents because I like you want to be with my wife and thought hard about it .Well as much pain as I'm in I can't put them through that so here I am back home in NC .Im going to move to Roanoke but can't right now we planned on it but she got cancer .So maybe sometime in the future we can get together and talk about it I go there about 1 a month.Take care I know what your feeling
At 11:20am on November 13, 2016, Michael said…
Mel
Your comments are appreciated. I cared for my wife for 15 years until she died a month ago. Im lost and beaten. I would have cared for her forever.
At 5:14am on April 6, 2016, SAMIRA said…
Thank you Mel
At 7:24pm on November 18, 2015, morgan said…

Mel,

As we all read about each others struggles we try to offer any consoling words so we can feel that someone else doesn't have to suffer like we are.  And yet, we all know that there is nothing that really removes the pain. We just temporarily feel as though someone else has taken on an equal or worse burden because they have shared with us their pain.

As the time passes our physical/emotional situation changes.  The early time is just sheer desperateness recognizing that we cannot understand why we aren't dead too.  We certainly feel like it.  And that time goes on much longer than we anticipate.  I didn't come out of my own personal fog for at least a year and half almost up to the two year mark.  I was so fragile.  I couldn't make sense of anything and my mind was going wild.  At this point I am slowly seeing through the fog a bit but I am no less missing him.

Whatever you do don't expect too much of yourself.  For a long time you will be taking very very small steps.  You wont believe that you could be this crippled and yet you are.  There is no changing that part of it.  No one but the rest of us can understand that.  

I'm not going to say it is going to get a lot better quickly.  I can only say all of us are walking beside you and each of us are trying to manage what we can do on a moment to moment basis and there is nothing more we can expect.  It will change. The desperation of it will subside a bit,  enough to give you a bit more time when you aren't falling repeatedly into the hole.  The only thing that will allow that is the suffering you are going through now.

I wish I had a more positive perspective on it but this is how it has been for me. I can only hope your suffering is lessened by small diversions that relieve the whirl of your mind for longer periods of time.  

Take care.  We are with you in spirit.

At 4:19pm on October 27, 2015, Fran said…

She was lucky to have you! How many men would have run the other way?!

Our problem as the "survivor" is how do we move on? I know my husband wanted me to be happy again. He even talked to me about "finding someone new". I just couldn't get it thru his thick skull that I wanted him more than any amount of money and there was no way I would want to find someone new...no one would measure up....I am trying to do things that he would be happy about. I'm trying not to just wallow in self-pity and not be negative all the time, but it's hard. When someone asks "what do you want?", my answer is my old life back...I want Bill!.

And I've heard that year 2 is worse than year 1. God help us!

At 10:04am on October 27, 2015, Fran said…

Mel,

I wish I could tell you it gets easier. I'm a week away from the first year "anniversary" of my husband's death. He survived 8 months after being diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. 8 long months of chemo and radiation and pain off the scale. I was his caregiver and glad to. I was a nurse, by trade, so knew the mechanicals of all the "hands on" stuff, but it was soooo different taking care of him. Different than when I had taken care of my parents before they died. 

I have had my eyes opened over the past, on how much he did for me/us. How much I relied on him. Even tho he was gone alot traveling for work, he was in near constant contact. We were a team. Didn't always see eye to eye, but we complemented each other by filling in and doing what the other didn't. We made a whole. Now he's gone and I'm left to try to fend for myself. I get panic attacks when I have to make decisions. I have 2 adult children who live with me, and they help, but it isn't the same. 

I felt a little better during the summer, when I could be outside and be somewhat warmed by the sun and doing gardening things...now, it feels like the world is dying again...I've never been a good cold weather person.

I have no words of wisdom for you. Just know that you are not alone in how you feel.

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service