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Comment by Sharon on November 1, 2016 at 11:48pm

Seven years since we lost our son. Seems like yesterday and yet so much has happened since his death. We have been blessed with the most precious granddaughter but still a cloud hangs over my head. I still feel guilty when I feel joy of any kind which took a long time to do. I believe our grandchild has helped immensely in our healing. She reminds me of our son in many ways. He would have loved being an uncle. All we can do is take one day at a time.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on November 1, 2016 at 9:07pm

I too have just past the 4 year mark. How strange and unreal my life seems now...there are the panic attacks that emerge time to time as I look at this earth, it seems like a foreign, hostile place to me now.

About NDEs...the first time I heard one was when I was working at a major health clinic about 10 years ago. I did not know at the time what a NDE was, I don't think the person who shared knew about them either, it was just his personal experience he told me. My co-worker's husband had a heart attack and almost died. I talked to him after he returned to better health. He told me he had died, entered some kind of light, there was so much peace he did not want to return to life. He quickly told me not to tell his wife that. 

I also had an Uncle who had an NDE a long time ago, during the 50s. He had been very ill, and was given pennicillan. What the doctor did not know is my Uncle was allergic to it and his heart stopped. He found himself outside his body looking down on the scene below. This story was told to me after my son passed.

Comment by Nb on October 27, 2016 at 12:13pm

Crystal, I lost my 18 year old two months ago yesterday. I am so sorry for your loss - I am probably just in the same boat as you, and so my advice may be limited, but I am finding grief counseling very helpful - talking helps.

Comment by Crystal Dardar on October 27, 2016 at 2:23am

I lost my 8 month old son just two months ago and I'm just trying to find anything and everything that will help me to keep going as I have a 2 year old I have to care for even though its difficult to get out of bed even though I get no sleep and I'm huge mess. just looking for advice from people who actually know what I'm going through and how it feels.

Comment by Michelle H on October 24, 2016 at 6:27pm

Ammy, I, too, don't come as often anymore but check in periodically. It's sad to see new parents appear here and it's also sad to see the ones who came around the same time that I did "disappear." As Thanksgiving approaches, I think back to that holiday of 2012, the last day I ever saw my son. It doesn't feel real, even this much later. My prayers for everyone here.

Comment by Ammy on October 22, 2016 at 11:52am

Hello sister "moms".  I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking of you all.  It's hard for me to believe that I came to this site 6 years ago.  It was an anchor for me and I am so glad I found it.  Now there are so many new "moms" and most that were here when I started have disappeared.  I think I understand why, but I am drawn back here to check and see how some of you that have been here for a few years are doing.  It's always sad to see newcomers, but I'm glad they also found their way here.

There is no cure for what we have, but in time there are remissions.  I pray you all get yours.  In the meantime keep breathing, take care of yourselves, and take those baby steps forward when you can.

Sending hugs and prayers to all.

Comment by Connie K on October 22, 2016 at 10:55am

Jesse's Mom I believe they are in peace and experiencing that which we cannot know. I pray for some peace for all of us. It is so difficult and as time goes by for me I wonder...how do I keep doing this. My health certainly has suffered. I just can't break through the wall of pain. Ad now with the holidays coming I just want to curl up in a corner til they are over. I dread it all. Daniel passed on Dec. 1at. I have not been able to have a family dinner at our home since. When I try to plan something my chest fills up and I feel like I can't breathe and then it all comes flooding back. I know everyone thinks I need to move forward. I haven't even found a job except I do a lot of volunteer work. I've gained a bunch of weight. I don't recognize myself. I lost me too. But my greatest joy is and will always be the sweet memories and love of my son. As hard as it is, I am so very thankful for him because that has shown me the greatest love, I miss you Daniel!!! I want you to come home.....

Comment by Jesse's Mom on October 21, 2016 at 9:41pm

Thank you for the kind words, and Connie, thank you for the lit candle in Jesse's memory. It truly touched me, I am honored that a candle for Jesse was placed beside your son's, Daniel.

And I am sure that Jesse was happy too.. May we find peace one day, and healing. for me, perhaps it will have to wait until that Other side of life.

Comment by Jill E on October 10, 2016 at 5:02pm

When nobody "gets" me I come here. I feel less alone and I feel understood. Thank you all for being here. I keep waiting for it to get better...it is only getting worse. My heart goes out to each and everyone. WYWH My Joshie

Comment by Connie K on October 10, 2016 at 3:01pm

Burning a candle for Jesse tonight beside Daniel's. I agree I am sorry to say, that I will never have peace with this either. In some ways it just gets harder and harder. Love and prayers to everyone

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